3. You will hate yourself.
For my client, one of the reasons that her lover was so attracted to her, in the beginning, was because she was a hot ticket. She had a cool studio in the city from which she had started her own business. She did volunteer work and made a huge difference in the lives of people living with mental illnesses. She was a great parent and an amazing lover. All of those things made him fall in love with her hard and fast.
Over the two years she waited for her lover to leave his wife, my client’s life fell apart. Her work suffered, she lost touch with her friends, volunteering became increasingly hard and depression was her constant companion.
Furthermore, she detested herself for her inability to walk away from her lover. She grew to realize over time that his promises, while well-meant, were empty. She knew that she was lonely and angry and that her self-hatred grew every day, yet she found herself incapable of picturing life without him, and she just couldn’t say goodbye.
One day, my client told me that she felt like a shadow of the person she was when she started out on this affair. She didn’t have the self-confidence to take the steps that she needed to get her life back. She was lost and empty.
The love that initially fed her body and soul, was sucking her dry.
4. You will always feel alone.
The days that my client felt most acutely unhappy in her relationship with her married man were those special days – the birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.
She spent her birthday alone with a bouquet of flowers that had been delivered in the morning. She spent Christmas alone, looking at pictures of his family around the tree that his daughter had posted on Instagram. Weekends were spent waiting for text messages. Night times were not for dating but for watching TV. Alone.
Once, for his birthday, she bought him a new briefcase – a beautiful leather one to replace his raggedy old canvas one. She presented it to him with excitement only to be told after he opened it that his wife had purchased him a new one and that he would have to use it. She was devastated. All of the thought and love that she had put into the gift was for nothing.
So, as you consider embarking on an affair with a married man or woman, consider that you will spend a lot of time alone, waiting on your person to take steps to be with you and knowing that chances are good that they won’t.
5. It will all fall apart in the end.
Every healthy relationship is based on two things – communication and trust. An affair involves the absence of both of those things.
Obviously, if you are dating a married man or woman, you are involved with someone who is cheating on their partner and all trust is nonexistent. How can you ultimately trust someone who you know is willing to cheat? The old adage “When a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy’ rings true every time.
Furthermore, the foundation of a healthy relationship is communication and if most conversations are full of lies and false promises and lead to only hurt and disappointment, healthy communication will cease and any relationship will be doomed from the start.
In other words, if in fact your dreams do come true and your lover leaves their partner, your relationship will be doomed to fail. After all that pain and suffering. Doomed.
Dating a married man (or woman) is an excellent way to ensure your heart, and your life, will be shattered into a million pieces.
Know that, if you choose to go down the infidelity path, your lover will never leave his spouse and his family, your life will be put on hold, you will always be lonely and your self-esteem will plummet. Moreover, should you ever get the relationship you desire, it will be dead on arrival because trust and communication will no longer exist.
I know that right now your married person seems like the answer to all of your dreams but know that they are, instead, the stuff that nightmares are made of.