INFJs have a darker side that is less talked about. Great names like Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela were the likes of this Personality type. But yet again, INFJs plays a host to the darker figures like Adolf Hitler and Osama Bin-Laden. All these people were passionate about what they did. They were in fact extremely passionate for a cause that they believe is good, true and just. Something that I’m sure many of us can relate to.
INFJs are often typecast as non-emotional and calm exterior but what belies is the seething mass of emotions and thoughts being played out.
Considering individuals Life experiences and Maturity level, INFJs can be polar opposites, whether perceived as good or evil, deep within they have a wave of emotion ready to drown the toughest. INFJs are factually correct and would do things only if they believe in.
However, I’d still like to delve a little further into the dark depths of the INFJ personality type. Taking a notice to few things INFJs typically struggle with.
Even if you think that INFJs are calm and content, the real inside of us can be difficult to understand. Our Mind is on constant jugglery with emotions and is at times hard to cope-up with all the side effects. Nearly always we are very reserved with our feelings and do not want to share for the fear of not being correctly understood. Even when we do talk about how we feel, we keep apologising. But the need to confide in someone is always way too strong. Sometimes when we talk about our deep feelings, we expect others to listen and not be judged. We may not share our feelings to anyone who criticises or gives too many advices.
Change is inevitable. INFJs have a tough time accepting the change. This is often considered as being stubborn. We tend to plan things way too much into future. We see things till the end of times. But not everything happens as planned. This obviously makes all the planning futile. Accepting this situation becomes uneasy and the mind becomes restless. Facing the reality does take time. But if given enough time for the mind to settle with truth, we can get along with life and accept the things as it is.
- Shadow of Stress
INFJs are not comfortable when forced to use Sensing. Making a “sensing mistake” that involves facts or details can make us “annoyed or defensive. On a small level, Stress can cause us to focus obsessively on external data making us irritable and obsessive. Stress can also make us overindulge in sensual pleasure like overeating, shopping for things we don’t need, and generally becoming self-centred. On a larger level, times of stress makes us take adversarial attitude toward the outer world. The third is a defensive response to feeling like the entire world is spinning out of control
Stress isn’t the only thing that can bring out an INFJ’s angry side. Conflict can also be the trigger to anger. When our inner values are questioned, we might become extremely Verbal harsh and rude. When we are wronged, we deal with patience and even when hurt inside, we try to stay calm. It is when this negative energy piles up, we react. Such reaction might be at a time of minor conflict and might feel like a sudden explosion of anger. But the frustration was built-up in course of time which happens to burst out on a simpler thing. At such situation, we might not be able to control what we say. We might speak ill and use heart piercingly strong word. If we could speak up when such minor offenses occur, we would be able to prevent such violent anger explosions.
We have set a very high standard for ourselves. We feel ourself capable of doing things others would not even consider thinking. This we do for our close and loved ones also. We expect them to do things at a level beyond their comfort zone. Meeting expectations every time is difficult, and this does affect us in not so good way. But we expect only from the ones we love. So basically it means that the higher the expectation from a person, more we love them. Such expectations are mostly for having a perfect romantic relationship, wanting to have the Picture perfect and everlasting love. But when with time the intimacy fades off, it makes us disheartened and questions the whole foundation of relationship. We feel that getting into this relationship was a huge mistake. But this just shows how much we care about the person we just questioned.
- Bluntly Honest
Honesty is the best policy. But in this diplomatic world, we have to choose our words carefully. A neutral answer is best preferred. Unfortunately, we INFJs are too honest to convey our thoughts with softer words. And to make the situation more complicated, we have the urge to give advice to every person seeking help. We love to analyse a situation and give suggestions. Even when we try to be gentle, the words somehow come out harsh and rude and judgemental. Our intentions are pure and concerned and all we want is the best for you, but we speak more on the negative side of the situation rather than positive. We can be rude but never false.
- Defensive Attitude
Many times people hurt you more than you can take. Some people bring you stress, pain and depression. These people may not be bad or mean any harm to us, but facing them makes things more difficult for us. This is when we take the defensive attitude. We try avoiding such people and cut them off our lives. We may stop all communication with such people. Even when it is not practically possible (like when you meet them daily at work, home etc) we detach them from our emotional being. Such attitude is not on purpose. We do not do it knowingly. It is like we are on auto-pilot and all our actions are controlled by our sub-conscious mind.