The Cure For An Imperfect Childhood


Cure for Imperfect Childhood

Some of us got off to a rough start in life. And for many of us, our childhood was missing the kinds of experiences that every child needs in order to thrive. Consequently, chances are, we didn’t make it to adulthood with a very high estimation of our value.

As children (and to some degree as adults), we tend to see ourselves through the eyes of those whom we trust and depend upon. If those people don’t have particularly high regard for themselves, then their eyes will mirror back to us the same low self-esteem that they possess.

Related: 5 Common Challenges Of Childhood

What causes imperfect childhood?

Those of us who were fortunate enough to have positive esteem mirrored back to us were likely to come into adulthood feeling secure in themselves and safe in the world. For those fortunate ones, chances are that their feelings were welcome, their ideas validated, and their boundaries respected. They felt wanted to be cherished, honored, and loved and probably took it for granted that they were effective in making things happen, and were worthy of love and respect.

On the other end of the spectrum are those of us who came from families where we may not have felt wanted or valued, one that was chaotic or unpredictable, where we felt insecure, and that our feelings and desires were not heard, validated, and met. We may have felt that we were in the way, ignored, overly controlled, or that we were trouble. As children, we couldn’t change these conditions, so we were left feeling powerless, unworthy, and unlovable.

Most of us fall in the middle of the spectrum, so we know both extremes from our early lives and feel a mix of worth and worthlessness, unlovability and lovability.

imperfect childhood fix it
imperfect childhood

The Cure for an Imperfect Childhood

While psychotherapy is the treatment of choice for many of those of us who are suffering from low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or addictive patterns, there are other means available through which we can heal past wounds that have left us feeling broken or incomplete, one of them being that of a committed partnership.

Committed Partnership

A Committed partnership provides us with the means through which we can expose the unhealed or unloved parts of ourselves to someone who has the capacity and desire to accept that within us that we had deemed to be unacceptable or unlovable and bless us with their embrace of those aspects of ourselves.

They are not necessarily a substitute for therapy, but they can provide us with the kind of experiences that affect our sense of value as a person.

Related: Understanding Your Partner’s Childhood Traumas

The corrective experiences of being seen and heard, finally after years of being ignored, having our feelings and desires validated, respected, and met, heals us. Experimenting with setting boundaries and having them respected gives us a sense of self-respect. The security that comes from creating a predicable environment diminishes fear and anxiety and promotes feelings of relaxation and security to occur.

Committed partnership, due to their very nature tend to expose whatever within us, has been intentionally or unconsciously concealed. That exposure is one of the things that a committed partnership is meant to do. We will inadvertently bump into every sore spot many, many times.

Each and every one of these painful reactions provide an opportunity for healing, if we can see it as a challenge rather than an ordeal. If we trace back to the origin of these feelings, we begin to identify the false and limiting beliefs that have created them.

Related: How Inner Child Healing Can Help You Have Healthy Adult Relationships

As more evidence comes in over time, our self-concept changes. Slowly our awareness brings to light that we truly are, that is, our essential nature, undistorted by past conditioning. We can begin to see ourselves through the loving eyes of a partner who can reflect the value and worth back to us and become free of the distorted perspective of our parents who were incapable of seeing us we truly were.

As we let grow beyond our past perceptions and recognize our parents’ experience, we may find compassion and forgiveness towards them, freeing up a tremendous amount of energy for the present. When both partners consciously commit to a contract of mutual healing, the possibilities are endless.

Healing from an imperfect childhood
Healing from an imperfect childhood

If we can learn to override defensive, conditioned patterns with curiosity and wonder rather than reactivity, we can begin to discover what needs to happen in order to heal our painful wounds. We allow our partners to be our healers and return the great favor by healing their sore places as well.

The net result being that we live with peace of mind, trust that we are enough and not too much, believing that we are effectual, can set and realize goals, feel deserving of having our needs met, our desires fulfilled, and above all trusting that we are worthy of love. The overt contract to be each other’s healer is a good deal, and the benefits are exquisite.

Marriage can be a fine addition to therapy.

It’s not just marriage that has healing effects; it’s the kind of marriage. The quality of the relationship is of utmost importance. Both partners need to participate. It’s not enough to just get married to find a good person, and it’s not enough to be motivated to use the relationship as a healing path.

Both partners need to be committed to doing whatever is necessary to have the therapeutic effect take place. Therapy is not the only way to heal from childhood wounds, nor is it necessarily the best way. It’s certainly one useful method for a lot of people. But the relationships that are grounded in a shared intention to promote well-being in the lives of each partner can produce profound results as well.

Related: 7 Daily Rituals Happy Couples Use To Cultivate Lasting Love

Not only is it possible to have a great relationship after coming from a dysfunctional family but the pain of the dysfunction has become the motivation to do the work to create something more satisfying.

In fact when we finally establish a functional family, the gratitude and satisfaction that is enormous.

We savor the level of well-being that we enjoy now because of the sharp contrast with life in our family of origin. We learned tremendous lessons about what not to do from our original family, put those teachings into practice to establish a relationship, and life, worth living with exquisite appreciation.

How did you heal yourself from imperfect childhood? Leave a comment below

Written by Linda and Charlie Bloom
Originally appeared in Psychology Today
Cure Imperfect Childhood pin
imperfect childhood
Cure for Imperfect Childhood pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Why Is A Father Figure Important? 6 Ways He Shapes His Daughter’s Life

Why Is A Father Figure Important? 6 Essential Reasons Why

Why is a father figure important? Research shows that a strong relationship with a father figure can have a significant impact on a daughter’s development. Learn the six ways he leaves an indelible mark on his little girl’s life.

You know what they say – a father’s love is like no other. And it’s not just the warm hugs and tender kisses that make it special, but also the invaluable life lessons that he imparts to his daughter.

From boosting her self-assurance to empowering her to stand up for herself, a father can make a profound impact on his little girl’s life.

Up Next

The Impact Of Dads On Daughters: 15 Signs Of Daddy Issues

15 Warning Signs Of Daddy Issues In A Woman

Ever heard the term ‘daddy issues’ and wondered what it means? Well, it’s not just a pop culture buzzword. Signs of daddy issues can manifest in a myriad of ways, affecting how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us.

From seeking validation to struggling with trust, these signs can impact both men and women and have roots in our deepest emotional experiences.

Understanding the complex dynamics of daddy issues is important, but it is crucial to approach them with sensitivity and without reinforcing stereotypes.

So, let’s dive in and explore the telltale

Up Next

To Mom, With Love

To Mom With Love feature

“To Mom With Love” is a phrase that encapsulates the deep appreciation and gratitude we feel towards the most important woman in our lives. Whether it is her unwavering love, her tireless dedication, or her selfless sacrifices, a mother’s impact on her children’s lives is immeasurable.

Through personal anecdotes and reflections, we share the lessons we have learned from our mothers, the memories we cherish, and the love that we hold in our hearts. Ultimately, “To Mom With Love” is a celebration of the unconditional love, strength, and wisdom that only a mother can provide.

Up Next

Invaluable Life Lessons I Learned From My Mom

Invaluable Life Lessons I Learned From My Mom

Mothers play a crucial role in shaping our lives, and their guidance can have a profound impact on our personal growth and development. The article also touches on universal themes, such as love, resilience, self-discipline, and perseverance, which are often at the core of a mother’s teachings. Ultimately, “Life Lessons I Learned From My Mom” celebrates the deep and unique bond between mother and child and acknowledges the enduring impact that a mother’s guidance can have on her child’s life.

Up Next

Find Your Animated-Mom Persona: Which Cartoon Mom Are You Most Like?

Which Cartoon Mom Are You? Fun Mother's Day 2023 Quiz

Curious about which cartoon mom are you most like? Are you a boss mom or a cuddly caretaker, there are many out there, find out who your animated-alter ego is now!

This International Mother’s Day 2023, welcome yourself to the world of interesting quizzes that will help you determine your mom personality.

Mothers are often the backbone of a family, providing love, guidance, and su

Up Next

50+ Strong Mom Quotes: Paying Tribute to Your Fierce AF Mom

50+ Strong Mom Quotes: Paying Tribute to Your Fierce AF Mom

There’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child. And for those of us lucky enough to have a strong, fierce, and fearless mom in our lives, we know just how special that bond can be. That’s why for Mother’s Day 2023 we have compiled these 50+ strong mom quotes to honor all mothers out there.

A strong mom is a woman who has faced her fair share of challenges but has always come out on top. She’s a warrior who has fought tooth and nail to provide for her family, to protect her children, and to instill in them the values of resilience, hard work, and determination.

So on this Internati

Up Next

What A Mother Knows Best: 14 Things My Mom Was Completely Right About

What A Mother Knows Best: 14 Cherished Pieces Of Advice

There’s a saying that goes, “A mother knows best,” and it holds a profound truth that resonates in the hearts of many. Whether it’s about life choices, personal values, or everyday habits, there’s often a pearl of undeniable wisdom in the words of our mothers.

This mother’s day 2023, let’s celebrate the unique relationship with our moms – whether she’s our biggest cheerleader or toughest critic, it shapes our and sets expectations for ourselves.

a mother knows best when it comes to her

AI Chatbot Avatar
⚠️ Liza is in training with WMHA and may not always provide the most accurate information.