It can be hard going through something painful. But, if you cultivate resilience in yourself you will be able to come out of it stronger.
We have all been there. A break-up, a death of a loved one, a loss of a job, a health scare, or being in a job that just sucks the energy out of you. Some people, though, are able to bounce back with what seems like ease while others still have trouble years later. The beauty, however, is that resiliency can be learned. Yes, even now.
I have been in jobs that were full of toxic people, bullies, dark clouds of negative energy, and low morale. I would come home crying and my moods were all over the place. I ate junk and stopped exercising because I just didn’t have the energy. I developed health issues as a result, but for some reason, I still stayed.
Why? I felt I couldn’t do better. I thought I couldn’t get a better job. I didn’t want to leave the security I had of working in a position where I would be set for life and get paid well. What I didn’t know then was that I had better things in store for me. I just couldn’t get myself out of the way for it to happen.
Here are some ways you may be able to work through your tough time.
8 Ways To Cultivate Resilience During Tough Times
1. Allow yourself to feel
I see this all the time in my practice and have also experienced this myself. I would shove things inside and act as if they did not exist. If the problem was not acknowledged then it wasn’t true. This could be further from the truth.
If you do not allow yourself to feel that anger, hurt, sadness, or pain, you are only going to sit in it longer. The key here is to learn from your experience and then move on. We don’t want to stay in that anger but you do want to give it a voice so that you can move through it and not over it.
2. Release the victim role
This can be a tough one. Being honest and open with yourself is important here, however. Do you tend to blame others for your misfortune? Do you give yourself excuses for why you do not do what you need to do?
Take ownership of your situation and how you got to be where you are. In my case, I allowed the bullying to continue by not speaking up for myself. It did not change until I gave myself the power to change it. I took control of what I could control. Once I had, it stopped.
Forgiveness can be very challenging. One of the reasons for this is because we feel that if we forgive those that hurt us we are condoning the behavior and sending the message that it is okay.
When I was bullied in my workplace I felt hate and resentment towards this person. All I could do was talk ill about this individual. It consumed my mind. As I worked on forgiving and letting go, the emotions I felt when thinking of this person, were no longer attached.
Of course, it feels easier not to forgive, but, what we are actually doing is holding ourselves hostage. If you harbor bitterness in your heart, you are the one holding onto it, not the other person. Forgiveness takes time but allowing yourself to go through the process allows you to heal and move forward. Write about it, talk about it. That’s how you start. Feel it, learn from it, and then move on.