How To Be Unfuckwithable: 5 Solid Ways

How To Be Unfuckwithable 1

Things will go wrong. It always does. That doesnโ€™t mean you have to hide in the corner and start crying again. You can burn the darkness and overcome all this shit right now. All you have to do is be unfuckwithable.

The world is a crazy place, and right in the middle of it all if you, trying to make a decent go of things. Then life starts fucking with you. Messing up your plans. Letting you down. Throwing a drink in your face.

Not just life, but people too. Yeah, actual humans who come along with their own ideas and plans and who arenโ€™t backward in telling you how to do things or where youโ€™re going wrong.

Itโ€™s not fair.

So when life starts fucking with you, wouldnโ€™t it be cool to be a little bit moreโ€ฆunfuckwithable? A bit more resilient. A bit less fragile. A whole lot more confident. Because then, you could do more of what you want rather than feeling like youโ€™re dealing with obstacle after obstacle.

Well, is this your lucky day, because here are five ways you can be more unfuckwithable, starting right now.

Related: 3 Ways You Can Use Your Darkness To Awaken Your Light

How To Be Unfuckwithable: 5 Solid Ways

1. Get Real With Yourself

You canโ€™t be unfuckwithable while youโ€™re fucking yourself over. So, first of all, you have to get real with yourself.

The things youโ€™re pushing away need to be faced. The things youโ€™re denying the need to be accepted. The things you donโ€™t want to think about the need to be welcomed in.

This is not easy, not by a long stretch. It takes courage and it takes time. But squaring up to how youโ€™ve been doing yourself a disservice is essential, otherwise, thereโ€™s a whole universe of things that will keep fucking with you.

It starts with a little honesty. Some real, bare, honesty that shines a light on the things that youโ€™re trying to keep in the dark. These donโ€™t need to be big, life-changing secrets, like being with the wrong person, denying your sexuality, or not facing grief. They can be smaller, more subtle things like a fear of intimacy, shame about being an introvert, or not facing up to an issue in your family.

You have to get real with yourself, no matter what you do with what you find. Call it tough love, but it is love. A radical act of love towards yourself to own who you are and where you are.

be unfuckwithable

2. Tell Better Stories

The stories you tell yourself will fuck with you longer and deeper than anyone else ever will.

When you tell yourself the story that โ€œother people are better at this than meโ€, youโ€™ll feel on the back foot and not good enough. When you tell yourself the story that you need to โ€œfit inโ€, youโ€™re prioritizing the safety of not be singled out over bringing everything youโ€™ve got to the moment youโ€™re in. And when you tell yourself the story that โ€œI canโ€™t screw up or failโ€, youโ€™ll never risk much of anything and never gain much of anything.

Your stories shape your experience. When you start telling yourself better stories, you get a better experience.

Your brain constructs stories that fit its MO to minimize risk, maximize reward. Anything that keeps you safe stops you from being rejected or keeps you from risking failure is all the reward it needs. So those are the stories it tells you.

But there are different stories. Better stories. Like the one about how youโ€™ll be okay, no matter what happens. Or the one where youโ€™re greater than the sum of your parts and can learn and grow in ways that means to you. Or the one where youโ€™re already worthy of love and belonging. A huge part of being unfuckwithable is seeing the stories you tell yourself that fuck you over, then finding new stories that serve you better.

Related: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck

3. Park the Drama

Drama is for the Kardashian-loving, opinion-spewing, self-important fools of the world.

Drama is mired in detail. He said, she said. Who did what? Who didnโ€™t do what? Who likes who. Who hates who. The real problem is. What should have happened is. I canโ€™t believe they did that. And then what happened is. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then.

When youโ€™re in the drama, all you can see is the endless, rolling, tumultuous detail and how unfair it all is. It puts you in a place where the whole world is fucking around and not listening to you. It puts you in a place where youโ€™re endlessly fucked with.

The drama keeps you busy while your view of what really matters gets clouded. And itโ€™s the stuff that matters to youโ€”whether itโ€™s love, creativity, contribution, laughter, connection, or whatever elseโ€”that makes life rich with texture and possibility.

Being unfuckwithable means elevating yourself above the stuff that keeps fucking with you. Go to where the meaning is, not the trivial. Go to where the potential is, not the problems. Go to where the vision is, not the vultures.

4. Engage, donโ€™t struggle

How many times in your life have you struggled against where you found yourself? A relationship that didnโ€™t feel right or took an unwanted swerve. A job that bored you or kept you feeling stuck. Or a life that seems to be a string of โ€œalmostsโ€ and struggles to come into focus.

It sure seems like life is a struggle for a lot of people, but I wonder about that. I wonder about the idea of struggle as a noble or necessary thing. The idea that youโ€™re like a beleaguered soldier, trying to do whatโ€™s right and battling against all the stuff out there thatโ€™s against you.

It sets up conflict right from the start. You against the world, in a forceful effort to get free of constraint or resist attack. Itโ€™s a conflict thatโ€™s not just exhausting but fucks with how you see yourself and how you see your place in the world.

So donโ€™t struggle, engage. When you find yourself in a situation or circumstance that youโ€™d rather not be in, own it. Welcome it. Love it.

Because itโ€™s only when you love the hell youโ€™re in that you get to make choices based on the best of you rather than your worst. Itโ€™s only when you drop the weighty and frustrating โ€œWhy meโ€ฆ?โ€ and start the weightless and freeing โ€œNow thenโ€ฆโ€ that you get to make good choices based on the fact that youโ€™re already whole and worthy of love and belonging.

So fuck struggling. Engage.

Related: 3 Types of People Who donโ€™t Give a Fuck and How to be One of Them.

5. Take a stand

Taking a stand is that thing you do when someone or something comes at you and asks you to step aside. Literature, movies, and history are filled with people who did itโ€”Martin Luther King. Erin Brockovich. Captain America. Mother Theresa. Harry freakinโ€™ Potter.

Of course, if your spine happens to be made from damp socks then youโ€™ll fold quicker than Superman on laundry day.

Rolling over instead of taking a stand for something that matters to you does 3 things:

  • Diminishes your sense that you can have a meaningful impact
  • Sets up patterns of behaviour where people-pleasing and fitting in is more important than making a decision that matters
  • Fucks with you

Now, this doesnโ€™t mean that you always have to come out swinging, that you have to transform a community or save the world. Taking a stand might simply be saying โ€œNoโ€ when youโ€™re asked to work the weekend because you want to spend quality time with someone you love.

It might mean prioritizing a personal project (getting fit, writing a book, setting up a business) over slouching in front of the TV. Or it might mean making a choice towards gratitude and wholeheartedness instead of cynicism and judgment.

Say no when you need to. Face a challenge when itโ€™s right to. Be responsible when itโ€™s easier not to. Because when you know what really matters to you, and that includes what you will and wonโ€™t compromise on, you canโ€™t be fucked with.

Unfuckwithable

So many ways to fuck with yourself

There are so many more ways you get to fuck with yourself. Trying to self-validate your identity by people-pleasing and being a bottomless pit. Chasing an unchallenged notion of success because thatโ€™s what youโ€™ve been told or trained to do. Not owning your story or yourself because thereโ€™s something there that makes you uncomfortable or challenges your beliefs, only to find that same lack of ownership is exactly whatโ€™s keeping you stuck.

With all these ways to fuck with yourself, itโ€™s a miracle you get anything done.

But you do get things done. You have times when you do something that gives you the warm fuzzies because, well, it just matters. You have times when you smash through a challenge because you bring your best to it and do what comes naturally. And you have times when you connect with someone deeply or laugh yourself silly because you accept the fact that youโ€™re already enough.

Related: 4 Core Paths To Developing Confidence In Your Life

Acceptance over denial. Ease over struggle. Integration over separation. This is how you stop fucking with yourself and start living.

Steve Erreyย is a confidence coach who helps people toย 1. Overcome crappy thinking, 2. Feel more confident and 3. Get more peace of mind. Get more atย https://confidence.coach.


Written by Steve Errey
Originally appeared in Confidence Coach
Be Unfuckwithable: 5 Solid Ways To Be More Resilient
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