Be Unfuckwithable: 5 Solid Ways To Be More Resilient

Things will go wrong. It always does. That doesn’t mean you have to hide in the corner and start crying again. You can burn the darkness and overcome all this shit right now. All you have to do is be Unfuckwithable.

The world is a crazy place, and right in the middle of it all if you, trying to make a decent go of things.

Then life starts fucking with you. Messing up your plans. Letting you down. Throwing a drink in your face.

Not just life, but people too. Yeah, actual humans who come along with their own ideas and plans and who aren’t backward in telling you how to do things or where you’re going wrong.

It’s not fair.

So when life starts fucking with you, wouldn’t it be cool to be a little bit more…unfuckwithable?

A bit more resilient. A bit less fragile. A whole lot more confident. Because then, you could do more of what you want rather than feeling like you’re dealing with obstacle after obstacle.

Well, is this your lucky day, because here are five ways you can be more unfuckwithable, starting right now.

1. Get Real With Yourself

You can’t be unfuckwithable while you’re fucking yourself over. So, first of all, you have to get real with yourself.

The things you’re pushing away need to be faced. The things you’re denying the need to be accepted. The things you don’t want to think about the need to be welcomed in.

This is not easy, not by a long stretch. It takes courage and it takes time. But squaring up to how you’ve been doing yourself a disservice is essential, otherwise, there’s a whole universe of things that will keep fucking with you.

It starts with a little honesty. Some real, bare, honesty that shines a light on the things that you’re trying to keep in the dark. These don’t need to be big, life-changing secrets, like being with the wrong person, denying your sexuality or not facing grief. They can be smaller, more subtle things like a fear of intimacy, shame about being an introvert or not facing up to an issue in your family.

You have to get real with yourself, no matter what you do with what you find. Call it tough love, but it is love. A radical act of love towards yourself to own who you are and where you are.


2. Tell Better Stories

The stories you tell yourself will fuck with you longer and deeper than anyone else ever will.

When you tell yourself the story that “other people are better at this than me”, you’ll feel on the back foot and not good enough. When you tell yourself the story that you need to “fit in”, you’re prioritizing the safety of not be singled out over bringing everything you’ve got to the moment you’re in. And when you tell yourself the story that “I can’t screw up or fail”, you’ll never risk much of anything and never gain much of anything.

Your stories shape your experience. When you start telling yourself better stories, you get a better experience.

Your brain constructs stories that fit its MO to minimize risk, maximize reward. Anything that keeps you safe stops you from being rejected or keeps you from risking failure is all the reward it needs. So those are the stories it tells you.

But there are different stories. Better stories. Like the one about how you’ll be okay, no matter what happens. Or the one where you’re greater than the sum of your parts and can learn and grow in ways that means to you. Or the one where you’re already worthy of love and belonging.

A huge part of being unfuckwithable is seeing the stories you tell yourself that fuck you over, then finding new stories that serve you better.


3. Park the Drama

Drama is for the Kardashian-loving, opinion-spewing, self-important fools of the world.

Drama is mired in detail. He said, she said. Who did what? Who didn’t do what? Who likes who. Who hates who. The real problem is. What should have happened is. I can’t believe they did that. And then what happened is. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then.

When you’re in the drama, all you can see is the endless, rolling, tumultuous detail and how unfair it all is. It puts you in a place where the whole world is fucking around and not listening to you. It puts you in a place where you’re endlessly fucked with.

The drama keeps you busy while your view of what really matters gets clouded. And it’s the stuff that matters to you—whether it’s love, creativity, contribution, laughter, connection or whatever else—that makes life rich with texture and possibility.

Being unfuckwithable means elevating yourself above the stuff that keeps fucking with you. Go to where the meaning is, not the trivial. Go to where the potential is, not the problems. Go to where the vision is, not the vultures.

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Steve Errey
Steve Errey is a confidence coach who helps people to 1. Overcome crappy thinking, 2. Feel more confident and 3. Get more peace of mind. Get more at
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