The Power of Showing Our Real Feelings: Why Mindfulness Is Essential For Healthy Relationships

/

The Power of Showing Our Real Feelings: Why Mindfulness Is Essential For Healthy Relationships

Mindfulness of feelings is one of the four foundations of mindfulness in Buddhist Psychology. Mindfulness is essential for healthy relationships. Read on to know why.

Being human means having a longing to connect with others. Intimacy is the felt sense of connection with another person. The important question is this: What does it take to experience warm, safe, and fulfilling connections in our lives?

Some people are attracted to each other based upon an image that’s being projected, such as being “successful,” beautiful, or interesting. But this superficial attraction doesn’t offer the intimacy we desire. Such attractions are short-lived at best. They are destined to curdle into distance and dissatisfaction when people inevitably discover who we really are, including the secret fears, hurts, and challenges we conceal. If we’re not moving toward a rich and alive intimacy based upon a deeper sharing of our innermost lives, we might become rather boring to others–and bored with ourselves.

Rather than strive to be someone who we think people will like, we need to discover what it means to be ourselves. A path toward genuine intimacy begins by allowing ourselves to be seen as we really are. Staying connected to the energy of our own being—resting comfortably in ourselves–creates a foundation for people to come toward us.

Intimacy happens as we show who we really are. Showing who we require knowing who we are. This means pausing, looking inside, and being connected to the ever-changing inner world of our feelings and preferences.

Mistakes we make with our feelings
The Power of Showing Our Real Feelings: Why Mindfulness Is Essential For Healthy Relationships

We can’t expect others to feel drawn toward us if we’re not willing to take the risk to be vulnerable and reveal the ever-changing textures of our inner world.

Related: Why “Feeling Seen” Can Help You Be More Authentic

Being Mindful Of Our Feelings

We often run on automatic pilot—not slowing down enough to look inside and discover what we’re really feeling. As we’re getting to know someone as a potential friend or partner—or perhaps even with our partner or good friend, we might be afraid to share feelings that might be uncomfortable or threatening. We might be afraid of rejection or being seen as weak or pitiful. Yet if we want close, trusting relationships, we need to know and show what’s going on inside us.

Mindfulness-based practices have become popular these days—and for good reason. Yet teachers of mindfulness and meditation often miss something important—being mindful of our life of feelings. “Spiritual bypassing” is a term that has gained popularity, which refers to a tendency to strive for spiritual growth in a way that circumvents our authentic, though oftentimes uncomfortable, feelings and needs.

Mindfulness is limited if it doesn’t include bringing awareness to our inner life of feelings, such as sadness, hurt, shame, anger, fear, or delight. Mindfulness can be applied to our primary, authentic desires, such as when we need a hug or need to talk. It’s important to know when we feel hurt by a partner’s or friend’s comment so that we don’t allow the relationship to decay due to neglect, false pride, or fear.

Feelings and desires are the way life speaks to us. Sharing our feelings and needs is an essential way to know each other more intimately. If we keep our emotions and wants hidden, we don’t give people a chance to know us and feel closer to us. We can’t expect intimacy to blossom if we’re not willing to allow ourselves to be seen as we are, which sometimes means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable or a bit awkward.

This isn’t to suggest that we recklessly express every feeling we notice, regardless of the consequences or a person’s capacity to hear us. We need boundaries and a felt sense of when it feels relatively safe and “right” to share our precious feelings with another person.

Staying Isolated

We often keep our feelings hidden from ourselves, fearful that they might overwhelm us or get us into some kind of trouble. Staying hidden keeps us isolated. Emotional intelligence includes the capacity to identify and manage our emotional life and offer empathy toward others. If we want to be happy in our relationships, we need to enter our world of feelings in an intelligent, mindful way — and then reveal those feelings to people we want to connect with.

Some Feelings Never Really Go Away.
The Power of Showing Our Real Feelings: Why Mindfulness Is Essential For Healthy Relationships

Mindfulness of feelings is one of the four foundations of mindfulness in Buddhist Psychology, If we want to live as conscious, awake person, we need to find ways to access our felt experiences.

I’ve found focusing to be a useful complement to meditation. It is a kind of mindfulness practice that provides a helpful structure for helping us go inside and be with our experience just as it is, without judging ourselves—and listen to the wisdom of our feelings.

If we want more intimate, richer relationships, we need to take intelligent risks to share our authentic feelings with people we want to feel close to, as well as listen empathically when others share their feelings. We need to listen closely to the tender feelings that we might normally bypass.

Related: How Accepting Things You Cannot Change Makes You Finally Free To Be Yourself

We need to practice being gentle and accepting toward our feelings. Then, even if they are not well received, we are there for ourselves.

Our only real power is to honor and validate our authentic self even if others don’t respond positively. But if we can find the courage to risk revealing our authentic experience, we might find that others appreciate, respect, and like us even more.


Written by: John Amodeo
Originally appeared on: Psychology Today
You may access John's free online articles with Psychology Today and check out his books by visiting his website: www.johnamodeo.com
Republished with permission
power of showing our real feelings pin
The Power of Showing Our Real Feelings: Why Mindfulness Is Essential For Healthy Relationships
  • Workplace Bullying: How To Deal With Bullies At Work
  • Lack Of Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon To True Self
  • The Rise in Armchair Psychologists on Social Media
  • 30+ Inspiring Quotes About Forgiveness To Let Go Of The Painful Past
Up Next

How To Not Be Clingy In A Relationship: 5 Tips To Manage Neediness

How Not Be Clingy In Relationship

When you try to hold on to the one you love, do they slip away like grains of sand? Maybe you need to loosen your grip a little bit more and learn how to not be clingy in a relationship.

We know how much it hurts to be called clingy or needy, just because one cares too deeply about another person and wants to be a part of their lives. With all the atrocious things humans inflict upon each other, does the need for love and care pose that big a problem?

Sadly, according to a study, clinginess and lack of personal space are the top relationship turn-offs. So, when does it go from sweet and nurturing to overbearing and smothering? And how can you manage your need for reassurance so that it doesn’t push your loved one away?

Are you looking for something interesting but unique to do on your next date night? Then you’ll love this compiled list of fun quizzes for couples.

Don’t worry if you are single, taking a relationship quiz will help you to understand what you need from your partner.

These free online quizzes are all different. Some are visual, while some provide in-depth psychological answers about your relationship. Whereas some relationship quizzes are silly and others describe the kind of love you desire.

When you do fun activities such as compatibility tests or quizzes with your partner, soulmate, or bestie, it helps you to connect with them, share quality time, and create memories together.

So,


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

5 Reasons You Are Feeling Unstable After Your Husband Walked Out

Feel Unstable After Husband Walked Out Marriage

It's incredibly painful to find out that the person you planned to spend your life with has decided to walk away. If you feel unstable after your husband walked out on marriage, here are the reasons why and how you should deal with it.

If you are feeling unstable after your husband walked out on you, know that you are not alone! Having someone you love leave you suddenly would rock even the strongest woman’s world.

The end of any relationship is horrible, especially a marriage where finances and children are often involved. And, when a husband walks out, the woman is usually left in the house, with the kids, trying to figure out how to keep life normal while she and her husband figure out next steps.

Up Next

5 Things To Consider Before Marriage If You’re Having Doubts

Things To Consider Before Marriage If You're Having Doubts

When we think about settling down, sometimes, we rush our decisions and don't think about the worst possible outcomes. Here are things to consider before marriage if you are confused.

Having doubts about getting married is common, so don't hold yourself back to consider asking real questions before you tie the knot,

Good for you for looking for things to consider if you are getting married but unsure.

Getting married is easy but staying married is harder and very few people consider this fact before they get married. They are picturing the wedding and the honeymoon and the babies but not what it would truly look like to be married to their person forever.

And, in order to stay married, it’s important to take a good look at those things that are making

Up Next

7 Warning Signs Your Boyfriend Might Be Cheating On You

Warning Signs Your Boyfriend Might Be Cheating On You

Do you have a gut feeling that something unusual is in your relationship? All relationships have ups and downs, but how to spot if your partner is cheating? Here are telltale signs your boyfriend might be cheating on you.

I am guessing that you are reading this article because you believe that your boyfriend might be cheating.

I am guessing that you are feeling pretty devastated and that you aren’t thinking clearly around what might be going on.

I am guessing that you could use some 
READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲