A Final Letter To The Man Who Broke Me

A Final Letter To The Man Who Broke Me

How have you been? I hope you are doing well, and yes I actually mean it.

This is no snide; no sarcastic remark which you might feel owing to the messed up manner in which we parted ways. No, I don’t begrudge you anything, not at all. If anything, I’m actually extremely happy for the course that our lives took. And yes, I never wish they we never crossed paths or that you never entered my life. Because surprisingly enough, you did more good than harm. You impacted my life a little more than people I grew up with. And even though it was hard to understand at the moment, most of it turned out to be for good. I am grateful for all the valuable lessons I learned as a result of being with you. And they were better than any self-help group or book. And so, quite sincerely I thank you and wish the best for you.

Remember when you used to play with my emotions. Making me feel on top of the world one day, and bringing me crashing down the very next.

I am really glad you did that to me. That cruel joke you played on me. Breaking up and then coming back the next day all smiling just because you wanted to know my reaction to not being with you. Well, that was not funny for me. Making fun of someone’s dependence on you is not hilarious. But I see that it was indeed funny to you. And now I realized how wrong was it for me to invest so much if myself on a person who wasn’t even emotionally mature enough to know what it meant. I vividly remember crying my eyes out in front of a friend and now I can only imagine how sadist people can be to pull off such moves to show how much power they wield in a relationship. You taught me never to do that to another human because I was on the receiving end of such behavior. And you also taught me to not fall for a person like whose own ego is more important than the tears of their partner. Actually, that shouldn’t have taken me by as much surprise as it did. Because you have been playing with me since the very first day.

I remember how anguished I used to be because you only sent me mixed signals.

For the longest time, I didn’t even know if you liked me back or not. Yes like, because even though I might have loved you, I know that you never did. You just loved yourself. So you played with my feelings till you were unsure. You see, I wasn’t good enough to be with you the moment I asked, but I wasn’t even bad enough to let go without thinking about it, right? And you did your thinking and you tortured me while you did it, but that is okay. I learned that no matter how much I like someone, I will not hang on to every ambiguous word they say. Now that I have realized the importance of clarity, I will never let another narcissist play with my emotions like that, in the hope that they will one day find me worthy.

Thank you, for showing me all those other girls who were hot and cute and better than me, even when you knew that I loved you.

Thank you for showing their pictures and taunting me about how popular and in-demand you are. You brought up insecurities in me which I never thought existed. And it’s good that you did. Once I realized they existed, I could finally face them and get over them. Do you know that I love my body now, and don’t try to match up to any other woman’s standards? Oh, and one more quick tip, stop pitting girls against each other. I realized that all those girls were not my competition. We were all in this together, having to go through life with boys like you who think we should be fighting each other for your attention. No thanks, we are better off having a coffee together.

Thank you for keeping me on my toes. That time I spent with you, always worrying about what I should or shouldn’t do and how you’ll react.

I didn’t realize how much pressure I was under till it was all lifted. Suddenly, it was as if I could breathe again. That was when I realized the importance of stability. How nothing and no one is worth feeling like you’re entrapped in your own life. I never valued feeling free and in control of my own life, and maybe that is why I so readily handed the reins of my life in your hands. But you made sure that I learned my lesson and I will never do that again because now I know what the price I paid.

6 thoughts on “A Final Letter To The Man Who Broke Me”

  1. My relationship ended in August 2020 after 15years! I gave him no reason to do this but apparently he doesn’t think he loves me anymore….I was devastated; cried, drank 4 bottles of wine, and then after a week or two, I moved quickly into the next phase of life. I am a little older , and the chances of finding a forever ‘one’ are a slimmer now. But I have a lot to be thankful for. I don’t have kids so there’s no fight, I own my house so there’s no fight, I own my own vehicles, so there’s no fight, I earn my own money, so there’s no fight. The only fights I see in my future are the men that will be fighting to be with me. I am independent and pretty to go with it. I have to work out because I love food! I am not skinny, nor am I close to having the perfect body, I am curvy and like my curvy sisters, secure within myself. I have a great job and a FICO score to match. Everything I have I worked for.

    He left me because he is going through mid-life crisis and he thought he should figure it out by himself, so go and good luck. He will never find another one like me. I didn’t write him a thank you letter, he owes me that.
    Instead I wrote a letter to my future partner and I thanked him for coming into my life, for the surprise weekend trips away, for the lovely ‘just because’ presents, for remembering our anniversary, my birthday without the reminders a week before, for treating me like a lady, for dancing with me, for singing to me, for the occasional public affection, for our hard earned vacation overseas, for being financially stable, and last but not least for accepting me just as me. Thank you! See you when you get here. We’ll know.

    So ladies and even the gentlemen who are going through a break up, look at what you have and what you could have. Move forward and don’t stop. Mourn the break up, respect yourself and don’t let them have the last say….the best revenge is to live well….don’t look for someone straight away, all you’re doing is giving your broken self, heal first…you will get back what you put out there. Reinvent yourself, and do it with grace. You will get back what you put out there.

    All the best!

    1. I need to do this too. Divorced a narcissist after long abusive marriage. Your words are very inspiring.

    1. Christine Boegeman

      Thinking the same thing, as I was reading your artictle my head was moving up & down to say I had left my husband of 29 years, separated for 3 1/2 the same kind of text saying all my mistakes but also saying I learned a lot about the person I was really in love but was wrong to feel so as my ex was only in love with himself & him knowing of my nightly cries from my daughter, he felt accomplishment and some sort success in a narcissist point of view ,
      Thanks for your reinforcement.*

  2. I am currently with a narcissist. I am figuring out little things that have never added up. I am figuring out how lonely I am… i am barely figuring out he mocked me until I noticed. And now.. im trying to figure out how to go… i love your letter stay strong.!

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