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7 Relationship Mindsets That Keep You From Finding Love

7 Relationship Mindsets That Keep You From Finding Love

Sick of being single? The problem might be — gulp — you!

If you’ve been searching for “the one” but haven’t had any luck, ask yourself this important question: Are love-blocking beliefs stopping you from love? When you ask yourself “Why am I single?” constantly, there has to be a reason you haven’t found someone yet, right?

Are you carrying around fear-based beliefs from your childhood or early relationship experiences?

Sometimes, these issues are so deeply embedded in us, we’re not even aware that these love-blockers are lurking in our subconscious.

The first step to moving past these old, limiting viewpoints is to recognize that they are there. So take a deep breath, and notice if any of these common love-blocking beliefs sound familiar to you. Only then can you learn how to find love.

1. “I’m not good enough.”

Probably the most common belief that stops us in our tracks, both in our love lives and in other areas of life is: I’m not good enough. (As in, “I’m not good enough to find love the way I am. If only I were better, I might find love.”) Variations on this theme include “I’m not young enough (As in, “How will I ever find a partner at my age?!”), I’m not attractive enough (As in, “Men only like women who look like models.”), I’m not rich enough (As in, “People only want to date someone who has money.”) or I’m not smart enough (“I need to be witty and wise on dates or I’ll never have a second date.”).

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Basically, the belief is that “I’m not OK the way I am, and I should be different.” When you believe you’re not OK the way you are, you’ll tend to beat yourself up, push yourself to be different and feel discouraged and unhappy. You’ll actually repel nourishing love away because healthy people want to be around others who feel comfortable and content with themselves, not those who believe they’re not good enough.

2. “I’m willing to settle.”

Another common limiting belief is “I can’t have what I really want, so I should just settle for what I can get.” This is a hugely common belief; many of us give up and feel resigned to our lot in life without making an effort to get what we really want.

If you buy into the belief that you can’t have your heart’s desire when it comes to love, you’ll probably accept whatever relationships show up and stay with people who are not good matches for you. You may spend years, even decades, feeling disappointed with your love life and wishing things were different.

When you think you have to settle for what you can get, you’ll probably be afraid to take risks and try something new. When you believe you can’t have what you really want, it may feel too painful to even stop to ask what you really do want. Without a clear vision, you’ll find it very challenging to manifest your dreams.

 

3. “Relationships are dangerous and potentially harmful.”

If you’ve made it to adulthood, you’ve probably experienced hurt, disappointment or rejection. This block to love happens when you’re convinced that you’ll be hurt, disappointed or rejected again, and that you won’t be able to handle it.

You may be “getting out there” in the dating world, but if you secretly believe relationships are dangerous and scary, you’ll avoid getting close enough to anyone to let love in. You may decide to play it safe and avoid dating and relationships altogether, convincing yourself that you prefer the company of your cat and Ben and Jerry. 

4. “Relationships take care of themselves and don’t need my attention.”

If you believe your relationships will magically take care of themselves, you won’t make them a priority in your life. Rather than nurture connections with loved ones, you’ll focus your attention on things that seem more important, like work, money or hobbies. You may spend a lot more time looking at a phone, computer and TV screens than looking into the eyes of your partner or children.

If you’re single, you may not bother to put energy into finding a partner or staying connected with friends and family. What happens when you’re too busy to pay much attention to how you relate with the people in your life?

Written by Yourtango

YourTango is the leading online magazine dedicated to love and relationships.

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