7 Relationship Mindsets That Keep You Single And Sad

Published on:

mindsets that keep you single and sad 2

Have you ever thought about why you are single for the longest time, but never have been able to come up with an answer? Well, it might be that you harbor certain relationship mindsets that are keeping you single and sad.

If youโ€™ve been searching for โ€œthe oneโ€ but havenโ€™t had any luck, ask yourself this important question: Are love-blocking beliefs stopping you from love? When you ask yourself โ€œWhy am I single?โ€ constantly, there has to be a reason you havenโ€™t found someone yet, right?

Are you carrying around fear-based beliefs from your childhood or early relationship experiences?

Sometimes, these issues are so deeply embedded in us, weโ€™re not even aware that these love-blockers are lurking in our subconscious.

The first step to moving past these old, limiting viewpoints is to recognize that they are there. So take a deep breath, and notice if any of these common love-blocking beliefs sound familiar to you. Only then can you learn how to find love.

Here Are 7 Relationship Mindsets That Keep You Single And Sad

1. โ€œIโ€™m not good enough.โ€

Probably the most common belief that stops us in our tracks, both in our love lives and in other areas of life is:ย Iโ€™m not good enough.ย (As in, โ€œIโ€™m not good enough to find love the way I am.ย If only I were better, I might find love.โ€)

Variations on this theme include โ€œIโ€™m not young enough (As in, โ€œHow will I ever find a partner at my age?!โ€), Iโ€™m not attractive enough (As in, โ€œMen only like women who look like models.โ€), Iโ€™m not rich enough (As in, โ€œPeople only want to date someone who has money.โ€) or Iโ€™m not smart enough (โ€œI need to be witty and wise on dates or Iโ€™ll never have a second date.โ€).

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Basically, the belief is that โ€œIโ€™m not OK the way I am, and I should be different.โ€ When you believe youโ€™re not OK the way you are,ย youโ€™ll tend to beat yourself up, push yourself to be different and feel discouraged and unhappy. Youโ€™ll actually repel nourishing love away because healthy people want to be around others who feel comfortable and content with themselves, not those who believe theyโ€™re not good enough.

Related: 5 Ways To Love and Embrace Your Single Life Without Apology!

2. โ€œIโ€™m willing to settle.โ€

Another common limiting belief is โ€œI canโ€™t have what I really want, so I should just settle for what I can get.โ€ย This is a hugely common belief; many of us give up and feel resigned to our lot in life without making an effort to get what we really want.

If you buy into the belief that you canโ€™t have your heartโ€™s desire when it comes to love, youโ€™ll probably accept whatever relationships show up and stay with people who are not good matches for you.ย You may spend years, even decades, feeling disappointed with your love life and wishing things were different.

When you think you have to settle for what you can get, youโ€™ll probably be afraid to take risks and try something new.ย When you believe you canโ€™t have what you really want, it may feel too painful to even stop to ask what you really do want.ย Without a clear vision, youโ€™ll find it very challenging to manifest your dreams.

Want to know more about the mindsets that keep you single? Check this video out below!

3. โ€œRelationships are dangerous and potentially harmful.โ€

If youโ€™ve made it to adulthood, youโ€™ve probably experienced hurt, disappointment, or rejection. This block to love happens when youโ€™re convinced that youโ€™ll be hurt, disappointed, or rejected again, and that you wonโ€™t be able to handle it.

You may be โ€œgetting out thereโ€ in the dating world, but if you secretly believe relationships are dangerous and scary, youโ€™ll avoid getting close enough to anyone to let love in. You may decide to play it safe and avoid dating and relationships altogether, convincing yourself that you prefer the company of your cat and Ben and Jerry.ย 

4. โ€œRelationships take care of themselves and donโ€™t need my attention.โ€

If you believe your relationships will magically take care of themselves, you wonโ€™t make them a priority in your life. Rather than nurture connections with loved ones, youโ€™ll focus your attention on things that seem more important, like work, money, or hobbies. You may spend a lot more time looking at a phone, computer, and TV screens than looking into the eyes of your partner or children.

If youโ€™re single, you may not bother to put energy into finding a partner or staying connected with friends and family. What happens when youโ€™re too busy to pay much attention to how you relate with the people in your life?

Related: โ€œIf Iโ€™m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? (or in an Unhappy Relationship?)โ€

5. โ€œItโ€™s not safe to tell people how I really feel or what I want.โ€

We think thisย because weโ€™re afraid to get hurt or be disliked. If you believe this, youโ€™ll be very careful about what you say and how you act โ€”ย and you may be so cautious that you donโ€™t even let people youโ€™re dating know that you want a relationship.

When youโ€™re strategic instead of authentic, your relationships with others will suffer. What happens when you keep secrets, withhold information, or play games instead of just sharing whatโ€™s true for you? You lose intimacy and trust and you donโ€™t get your needs met, and the other person feels confused and disconnected from you. Not a good recipe for true love!ย 

6. โ€œOthers are to blame for my problems.โ€

If only YOU were different, I could be happy. If YOUย changed, my problems would go away.ย When you blame others for your problems, you keep yourself stuck in victim mode. By not taking responsibility for your part in creating the drama or discomfort you are experiencing, you are essentially handing over your power.

If youโ€™re quick to blame someone else for whatโ€™s wrong in your life, you probably feel helpless to change whateverโ€™s wrong. When we blame, we make the other person wrong and we make ourselves right, and itโ€™sย a surefire way to destroy intimacy and empathy in your relationship.

7. โ€œRelationships should just happen spontaneously.โ€

You may feel that you should know everything you need to know about relationships without asking.ย Now, if youโ€™ve ever tried to learn a new sport, a foreign language, or a musical instrument, you understand the value of education and practice.

However, when it comes to relationships, most people hold the belief that true love should just show up when youโ€™re least expecting it, and thereโ€™s nothing you can do to prepare for the love you want. Might there be another way?

Read Brutally Honest Reasons Why You Are Still Single (even when you are a catch)

Each of these detrimental beliefs can block you from finding and connecting to the love you truly deserve. Donโ€™t stay stuck with limiting beliefs that keep you unhappy, separate, and disconnected from others.

So, how can you change your attitude, refocus your efforts and understand how to find love? First, you need to be aware of your beliefs in order to change them. Start by noticing all the assumptions you make automatically about yourself and others, and recognize that this pattern of subconscious thinking causes you harm โ€” and keeps you lonely.

Stop and question the impeding beliefs youโ€™ve instinctively assumed were true. Whatโ€™s possible when you let go of the love blockers? Everything your heart desires.


Written byย Wendy Lyon
Originally appeared on Yourtango.com
Mindsets That Keep You Single
mindsets that keep you single and sad pin

— Share —

,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Why Relationship FOMO Shouldn’t Define Your Love Life

Impacts Of Relationship FOMO To Your Love Life

Are you settling for love just because everyone else seems to have it? Is relationship FOMO driving your choices? Hereโ€™s why it shouldnโ€™t define your love life!

Lagging behind whose timeline? Here’s how anxiety can spoil relationship pacing.

Key points

Take time to understand the true motivations behind relationship pace.

It’s important to avoid perceived expectations and define success on one’s own terms.

โ€œExpected timelinesโ€ or โ€œgreener pasturesโ€ can create a sense of urgency and distress.

Up Next

5 Clear Signs You Possess The World’s Most Go Getter Personality

Amazing Go Getter Personality Traits: Do You Relate?

Not everyone wakes up ready to chase their dreams like their life depends on it, but you? Youโ€™re different. Having a go getter personality means that youโ€™ve got that spark, that unstoppable drive that makes people take notice. 

If youโ€™ve ever caught yourself wondering why youโ€™re the one always making moves while others are still talking about “someday”…

Here are five clear signs youโ€™re rocking the worldโ€™s most go-getter personality. Letโ€™s dive in and see if youโ€™ve got what it takes to claim the title.

Up Next

Learn To Honor Your Feelings: Your Hard Week Mattersโ€”Even If Others Have It Worse

Learn To Honor Your Feelings Great Ways To Do It

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, even if others seem to have bigger struggles. Learn how to honor your feelings – they are valid, and you deserve acknowledgment!

How to honor your feelings without comparing them to othersโ€™ challenges.

Key points

Your emotions are valid no matter their scale or how they compare to othersโ€™ challenges.

Acknowledging your emotions builds your strength to support others with authenticity and genuine care.

Comparison of struggles creates a false hierarchy that undermines the importance of your own experience.

Research shows that acknowledging th

Up Next

How To Stop Being Judgmental 5 Ways to Undo a Critical Mindset

How To Stop Being Judgmental? Ways to Undo a Critical Mindset

Hereโ€™s the deal: learning how to stop being judgmental isnโ€™t just about being nice; itโ€™s about freeing yourself from a critical mindset that holds you back. If youโ€™ve been looking for ways to stop judging others (and yourself), these five tips will help you chill out and see the world through a kinder lens. Let’s find out what you can do to stop being critical!

KEY POINTS

Judging others doesnโ€™t just harm our relationshipsโ€”it also takes a toll on our mental health.

Minimizing our judgments and critical thoughts of others is something everyone can work on.

Science-based tips include controlling biases, practicing empathy,

Up Next

15 Important Benefits of Keeping Your Life Private

Keeping Your Life Private? Important Benefits of It

Social media makes it tempting to share everything, from your morning coffee to your biggest achievements, but have you ever stopped to wonder what it would be like to keep some things just for yourself? Below are 15 benefits of keeping your life private.

Sure, social media helps you stay connected, but is constantly being “on display” actually helping us? Could overexposure be adding unnecessary stress or even complicating your relationships?

So, take a look at the benefits of keeping things private…

Up Next

8 Excuses That Are Holding You Back From Success

Excuses That Are Holding You Back From Success

Have you ever caught yourself procrastinating, saying โ€œIโ€™ll do it tomorrowโ€ or โ€œIโ€™m just not ready yetโ€? These words may feel harmless, but theyโ€™re excuses that are holding you back and keeping you from achieving your goals.

Itโ€™s not your circumstances, or bad luck. Itโ€™s you. Yep, all those excuses youโ€™ve been making, theyโ€™re the chains keeping you stuck.

We all have dreams and aspirations, but the path to achieving them is often blocked, not by insurmountable challenges, but by the bad excuses we make.

So, letโ€™s dive into the 8 most common excuses that keep you away from success and how to break free from them.

Up Next

Discovering The Family Within You

Discover The Family Within You Important Points To Know

Did you know your mind has a family within you? There are “parts” known as sub-personalities that need care, and a wise Self ready to guide and heal. Let’s explore to learn more!

IFS founder Richard Schwartz on the children โ€” and the parents โ€” in our minds.

Key points

Our minds are naturally made up of “parts” or sub-personalities.

We also have a Self, a center of calm, clarity, compassion, and connectedness.

The Self has the ability to parent and heal the other parts.

Spirituality has negatively construed o