We all want to be in happy, healthy, and loving relationships. Yet the secret to a happy and fulfilling relationship seems elusive to most people, which then leads them to ignore the red flags that a toxic relationship might show them.
Let’s unravel the mystery of that secret ingredient together.
The key ingredient that determines a happy and healthy relationship is the absence of codependency.
Relationships, where one or more partners are codependent, will not be happy, healthy, or fulfilling because they will have an imbalance of power dynamics and people will be constantly playing the one up or one down game.
People who are codependent are not necessarily bad but they certainly lack the maturity and skills to be in a mature and healthy relationship. They have a lot of work to do in terms of their own healing before they can show up fully and authentically in relationships.
They have to learn to be independent first and take charge of their own life and happiness before they can get into mature interdependent relationships. Otherwise, they will keep on being needy and possessive and indulge in self-sabotaging behavior that will ultimately destroy their relationship.
I have compiled a list of warning signs that demonstrate that someone is codependent and emotionally unstable and you may need to tread waters carefully with them.
Watch out for these signs early on in the relationship and save yourself the heartbreak as these are glaring red flags of a toxic relationship:
1. They move really fast in the relationship.
If someone gets really interested in you too soon and tries to get close too fast, it is a glaring red flag. If they want to know everything that happened in your life right off the bat, you may feel wanted due to excessive attention. And may even get swayed by what feels like an instant connection but the other person might just be mining for your weakness to play you.
Be wary of anyone who moves too fast in a relationship. You don’t need to share your personal stories from the word go. Take your time and only share your personal stories when someone has earned that amount of trust and space in your life.
If anyone tries to move too fast and gets close too soon, learn to slow down the pace and set boundaries. Healthy relationships have a natural rhythm and flow. Let your connection grow organically.
2. They lack integrity.
When someone has integrity, their actions match their words.
It is very easy to spot when someone’s actions are not matching their words. But sometimes when we like someone, we ignore the obvious. We go with the story in our head about how we want that person to be instead of trusting what we are seeing with our eyes.
Please don’t disregard your own observations and gut instincts even if they are disappointing. Someone who says one thing and does another thing lacks integrity and can’t be trusted.
If you ignore your gut instincts and obvious signs and start giving him the benefit of doubt, he would know that you don’t know how to draw boundaries or are not capable of holding him accountable for his behavior; he will start taking you for granted.
3. You lose balance when you’re around them.
When I say off balance, I don’t mean head over heels in love off balance. I mean you don’t feel like yourself when you’re with them.
When you lose your center and start doing things that contradict your own value system and gut feelings, you will certainly feel off balance.
You may feel like you are only doing this to please your partner and it’s a one-off thing but once you start this habit of putting someone’s needs ahead of yours at the expense of your own comfort, it gets really difficult to bounce back and stand up for yourself. You will create a power dynamic wherein it would be very apparent for your partner that you are ok to give your power away and he can very easily manipulate you.