Aries (March 21 to April 19)
Oh, my super lovely, vehemently untamable, gloriously adventurous, slightly-intimidating-yet-gorgeously-naïve Aries. You’re one of my absolute favorites.
You kiss impulsively. You will kiss us in the middle of a bustling city street full of people. You will kiss in the middle of the woods. You might even kiss us in a bar teeming with a sea of gawking strangers.
What I love about your kisses is they leave us so sorely surprised. You’ve mastered the art of the sneaky little kiss — except it’s always a welcomed surprise from an Aries.
Your kisses are as wild, passionate and adventurous as you are, my sweet and sexy Aries creature.
Taurus (April 20 to May 20)
Not only am I a tried-and-true Taurus girl of the modern world, but I’ve kissed more than a few of my own kind (is that taboo?).
We are earth signs who need to feel connected to everything we do. Especially when it comes to intimacy. We don’t phone our kisses in; we feel the f*ck out of them.
We don’t bestow our sensual lips upon just anyone, you know. But when we trust you and decide you’re worthy, we will kiss you indulgently (usually while wearing very expensive lipstick).
We are slow kissers. We get off on teasing our partners with our smooth, sensual kisses. We aren’t going to aggressively stick our tongues in your mouth and have at it. Our smooth-as-honey kisses always leave you wanting (begging) for more.
Gemini (May 21 to June 20)
Let’s get real: Geminis are pretty f*cking sexy kissers. Your ruling planet is Mercury, and you like to EXPLORE. You especially like to explore our mouths with your tongues.
You’re also a twin, so you’re an impressively multi-faceted kisser. You can kiss slow and sensual, hard and intense as f*ck, and aggressively sexual. You’re all about exploring all kinds of kisses, in one lone makeout session.
The only trouble you run into is when you find yourself kissing a person who can’t keep up with your rapid, changing pace.
You require a kissing partner who can match the unabashed, frenetic, energetic kissing vibrations that radiate from your keen lips, otherwise you, my lovely Gemini, will find yourself bored as f*ck.
Cancer (June 21 to July 22)
Cancers are one of the most complicated, hypersensitive signs in all of the zodiac (but you have to be complex to be a good lover).
You cancers appear hard and tough on the outside, but on the inside, you’re f*cking goo. You’re like a Cadbury Creme Egg.
Your softer side is expressed in your kisses. Your love is expressed through your lips. Your kisses aren’t cheap barstool kisses. You kiss with f*cking soul. You write f*cking love letters in your kisses. Your kisses are f*cking deep (but not in a creepy way).
After you kiss a cancer, you will feel fully satisfied — and even if they ARE just using you for sex, their kisses make you feel like they deeply and totally care about you (which they probably do. They care about almost everyone — even one-night stands).
Leo (July 23 to August 22)
Leos are some of the most charismatic people in the great expanse of the mystical zodiac. You Leos have a natural swagger, what the French call “je nais se quoi.”
Not only are you effortlessly sexy, you’re just f*cking fun to be around. And fun = sexy.
Your kisses are perfectly playful. Your kisses tease us. Kissing you is like playing a game, except a game that leaves you hot and teeming with relentless desire.
You’re the kind of kisser we could make out with at a bar all night and just have a such a f*cking blast that we want to go home with you just to see what kind of fun kinky sex toys are hiding under your bed.