I laugh. What an awesome realization. A sacred f*#k up, I call it. A great mistake to teach me, not to wear the nice guy / mr. cool “all good” mask. But instead, to speak up for what I want – respectfully. Good stuff. I smile.
So, what’s the takeaway here? How easy it is to project at our partner exactly what we are avoiding in ourselves. And what a superpower to be able to do otherwise.
A few questions to ask yourself the next time you’re in conflict.
What am I really upset about? Is it at myself for not acting a certain way? How would I do the interaction differently next time? The point is we can almost always do better. Ultimately, our greatest powers lie in how we show up, not in how we can change or control our partner. Sure, we can make requests.
And also… love yourself when you screw up. The contrast is moping, beating yourself up, and then projecting it into your relationship.
Remember, each of us is fully responsible for the relationship, not one another.
And lastly, it’s not conflict in relationship that’s the problem, but one’s inability to deal with it skillfully.
Here’s an interesting video that you may find helpful:
Look at yourself, not at relationship problems
“The best person to talk to about the problems in your relationship is the person you’re in a relationship with.” – Unkown
No romantic relationship is without issues. Relationship problems are part of the package. And blaming others every time something goes wrong comes naturally to most of us. What is important is that you take a pause and take a good, hard look inside. Even if your partner is partially at fault, self-analysis will enable you to understand how you have contributed to the problem. It will also enable you to realize what you are actually feeling and what emotional needs you need to address, by yourself and your partner. This will enable you to better deal with and fix any relationship problem.
When you understand that maybe you are the real problem in your relationship, you realize that you have the power to make it right and strengthen the bond you share with your partner.