Are you caught in the cycle of a push pull relationship with a narcissist? Let’s navigate how one partner has power and control over the other person.
A relationship with a narcissist can be likened to a returning boomerang, an โa weapon designed to return to the thrower.โ
The narcissistโs relationships follow a pattern where they pull you into their web with their apparent charm, wit, kindness, and generosity only to sabotage it all for no obvious reason.
Then, when all seems lost, they switch on the charm again and things return to those initial stages where everything is perfect once againโฆ.TEMPORARILY.
These sick and twisted mind games are highly effective methods of manipulation and mind control.
They play with your feelings and emotions. Why? To feed their never-ending need for narcissistic supply and to get a reaction from you, positive or negative. The way they feel about themselves dictates how they treat you. Whether you deserve it or not is not on their agenda.
Related: 9 Clever Mind Games Narcissists Play In Relationships
The Cycle Of Mind Control: Push Pull Relationship With A Narcissist
Narcissists donโt โdoโ solitude. They need a company like a car needs fuel. They thrive on narcissistic supply, good or bad, positive or negative, and cannot function properly without it.
1. Love Bombing
The person with NPD wants to get you hooked and will initially appear considerate, amusing, generous, even kind. They will share the same interests and values (mirroring) and if itโs a romantic liaison, theyโll sweep you off your feet. Yes, youโve met your Princess or Prince Charming.
During this phase known as โlove bombing,โ you canโt believe your luck in meeting someone who shares your dreams and promises you the world. Itโs too good to be true!! Sadly, itโs not. Itโs not real.
2. Devaluation
The narcissist gets bored easily. All the positive supply and adoration is wearing thin. Itโs not enough. Youโre not doing enough. Itโs certainly not their fault and it never is. They blame you. You need to suffer for not giving them the adoration and attention that they believe they deserve.
They will shout or fire insults in your direction in an attempt to provoke you, to hurt you, in an attempt to get you to beg them, to plead with them. If you should happen to let them see those tears as they roll down your cheeks, theyโll be moved, moved to the point of total satisfaction.
Related: 3 Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Idealize, Devalue, Discard
3. Silent Treatment
You may even be subjected to their favorite weapon, the silent treatment. You donโt deserve their acknowledgment.
Their silence is justifiable. As you plead for an explanation, want to know what youโve done wrong, and promise to do whatever it is to put it right, their fragile ego is given a much-needed boost.
Theyโll keep up this behavior for just long enough, long enough to teach you a lesson and pray for their return but short enough so that they wonโt lose you, not just yet!!
Now weโll go back to the beginning. Theyโll switch on the charm and youโre back in the web, relieved that once again youโre back where you should be. Everything will be perfect for a whileโฆUntil the next time.
The to-ing and fro-ing between being treated well and being treated badly over a period of months or years wrecks havoc with your emotions. A state of confusion doesnโt even come close to describing how you feel. This goes beyond bewilderment as to why this is happening.
And yes, the narcissist is loving every minute. They planned this from the outset. They are masters of manipulation, practicing their tactics in each and every relationship.
If the narcissist has done their job well, you may find yourself with no one to turn to, no friends, no family, they have isolated you from everyone you held dear.
If the narcissist believes that you have figured them out and itโs not quite the right time to let you go, they will do everything to keep you from going.
They may promise to changeโฆ They wonโt.
They may offer to seek helpโฆ They donโt need help, theyโre perfect the way they are.
They say that it will never happen againโฆ It will.
They may apologizeโฆ Itโs not sincere.
These are all desperate measures to keep you from leaving. You are not at liberty to decide when the relationship ends. Thatโs their prerogative.
Related: The Relationship Patterns of the Narcissist: Know the Signs
Eventually, you will decide youโve had enough of the control and the mind games and youโll leave the narcissist or they will abandon you in the most callous manner that you can think possible. Either way, itโs not the end.
Donโt fall for their attempts to resurrect the past. Itโs futile. Protect yourself, protect your heart. The outcome has already been decided.
โNever run back to the one who almost brought you down.โ
A push-pull relationship with a narcissist can be a vicious cycle that can leave a person feeling confused, hurt, and trapped. Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy and loving relationship, and it’s never too late to start prioritizing your own well-being.
Written by Anne McCrea
Originally Appeared on NarcissisticAndEmotionalAbuse.co.uk
Printed With Permission
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.