He Won’t Commit But Won’t Let Go: 5 Thoughts He May Be Having

he wont commit but wont let go

It’s all the same – the guy wants to spend time together, you both have a great bond but still that bond doesn’t include commitment. Seems like your own story, right? Although there are many reasons why a guy may not want to commit but there are some different thought processes involved in why that guy won’t let you go.

Do you have a guy who won’t commit but still won’t let you go? Are you wondering ‘what the hell is he thinking?’

For many of my clients, they believe that, if their guy won’t commit, it is because he is ‘confused about his feelings’ or ‘that he loves me but feels conflicted.’ I can tell you that, more likely than not, your guy isn’t thinking either one of those things or anything like those things.

Below You Will Find 5 Things That Your Guy Is Really Thinking If He Won’t Commit But Still Won’t Let You Go.

If you can understand what he is thinking about, you might find the strength to let him go and move on.

1. ‘She Is Great But I Want To Keep My Options Open.’


I know – at the beginning of the relationship your guy treated you like a queen. He made you feel loved and special and you want that back so much. So, you might be thinking that your guy is thinking that he wants to get back to that place and that if you just wait long enough and are nice enough to him he will get there.

Nope, that is not what he is thinking. He is thinking that you are great because you are, but that he knows that you aren’t who he wants to be with. But, he doesn’t want to be alone so he is keeping you around until he can find someone else.

Don’t believe he will ever go back to the beginning – that he will see you as a possibility. If he won’t commit but still won’t let you go, I am afraid that ship has sailed and he is thinking it every day, even right after he has sex with you!

2. ‘I Know That She Is Not The Girl For Me But The Sex Is Great.’

This will probably come as no surprise to you but men love sex. LOVE sex and will do just about anything to get it. So, if you are willing to have sex with him, even if he gives you nothing but breadcrumbs, why would he let you go? If there is sex available to him with no strings attached, why wouldn’t he take it?

Furthermore, people who are in relationships that are volatile usually have great sex. It’s something about the chemicals that are created during a conflict that can lead to great sex. So, if you are in a place where you are constantly arguing about his behavior, that might keep the sex really good. And who wants to let go of great sex – especially great sex that can be gotten for free.

Related: The Real Reason Men Leave After Sex (It’s not because you slept with him too soon)

3. ‘I Don’t Want Her But I Don’t Want Anyone Else To Have Her Either.’

If a guy wants a girl he will do anything that he can to keep her. He will stay in touch, spend time with her, tell her that he cares, do nice things. He will make her feel special and loved.

A guy who doesn’t want to be with a girl, but doesn’t have the guts to tell her, will not do any of those things. He will give her crumbs. He will have sex with her and hang out with her when he feels like it but that is it. And she will be left begging for those crumbs and thinking that they are enough.

Ironically, that guy who doesn’t want a girl often doesn’t want anyone else to have her. Why? Because he has it good – he can keep his eye open for someone else, have sex with her, let her take care of him, and all the other good stuff that comes with a relationship – without having to give her anything in return.

So, if your guy is being possessive, don’t think it’s because he loves you. It’s because he likes what he has with you – for the time being.

4. ‘I Am So Bored.

Does your guy reach out to you late at night? Or on a Sunday afternoon? Do you feel special because you know that he is thinking about you right before bed or at halftime during the game? Do you use those moments to prove to yourself that he will come back to you because he still loves you?

Let me tell you, that is not what he is thinking. At bedtime, he is bored (and maybe horny) and he knows that you are on the other end of the phone, waiting to hear from him. At halftime, he has nothing to do so he drops you a text to keep him busy until the game starts again.

If you only hear from him sporadically, what he is not thinking is that he misses you or wishes you were with him, no matter what he says!

Related: 5 Reasons You May Be Feeling Relationship Boredom

5. ‘Did I Get My Heart Rate Up Enough During My Bike Ride?’

Be honest, if you are in a situation where you have a guy who won’t commit but still won’t let you go, do you spend 99% of your day thinking about it? Do you journal, talk to your girlfriends, google the topic, obsess about what went wrong? Of course, you do. All women do.

Let me tell you that guys just don’t do this. If a guy isn’t interested in a woman, she is gone from his mind until he is bored or horny. He won’t spend second processing what happened, what went wrong, or what’s next. He will live in the moment, thinking about things that are important to him.

I believe that if guys could process what happened in their relationships, instead of focusing on sports or work or whatever else they are involved in, then women wouldn’t have to spend 99% of their time wondering what is going on. Why? Because men would be able to talk about how they are feeling and not leave women hanging, not knowing what has happened.

And, if that happened, women could move on and find someone who can really love them!

I know that you want to believe that if a guy won’t commit but still won’t let you go that he is conflicted and that if you just love him enough he will come back to you. And I wish it was true but it isn’t.

Again, if a man wants a woman he will move heaven and earth to get her. A guy who is giving you crumbs but doesn’t want a relationship with you will not be constantly thinking about what’s going on. He might give you a passing thought as he goes about his day but that’s it.

I know hearing this is painful but the sooner you can accept it and move on, the more likely you are to find the love you are seeking.

And it is out there, waiting for you! So, get a move on!

Written By: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin
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