5 Reasons You May Be Feeling Relationship Boredom

Reasons Feeling Relationship Boredom

Every relationship seems ‘boring’ after a while, especially when you have been in one for a very long time. There are many reasons behind relationship boredom, and the good news is you and your partner can work on it together to change that.

Do you remember when you first got that job offer or moved into your new place and felt on top of the world? Although these exciting changes can often contribute to a short-term burst of happiness, they seem to lose their appeal after some time has passed.

A similar phenomenon can occur in relationships. When a relationship passes the honeymoon period, the initial excitement you felt may subside. No relationship is immune to this. As a result, feelings of boredom may arise at some point, but many people erroneously assume these feelings mean they are not meant to be with their partner.

The reality is that it’s not unusual for relationships to go through phases in which one or both partners feel bored. 

Following are some common reasons this happens and some ways you can work on it together:

Here Are 5 Reasons You May Be Feeling Relationship Boredom

1. The brain’s natural habituation process. 

Our brains are hardwired to become adapted to exciting changes that occur throughout life, with research demonstrating that people’s happiness levels usually go back to baseline after some time has passed since the change occurred. What this means is that we are prone to taking pretty much everything in our lives for granted, including our relationships. 

If you notice yourself taking your relationship for granted, it can help to write about how your life would be different if you had never met your partner, how another person who doesn’t have romantic love in their lives might perceive your relationship, and the reasons you are grateful for your relationship.

When people feel bored in their relationship, they may have a tendency to take it for granted and overlook the positive aspects of their partner. This exercise can help provide a fresh perspective and counteract the brain’s tendency to take things for granted. 

Related: The 5 Signs Of Emotional Distance In A Relationship

2. You’re used to relationships that have more intense highs and lows. 

If your previous relationship had a lot of highs and lows, it may have felt unpredictable and the opposite of stable. Research has demonstrated that an increase in anxiety may contribute to increased feelings of attraction towards a potential partner than a person would have experienced otherwise. 

People in unstable relationships often experience quite a bit of anxiety regarding what will happen or when the next relationship high will occur and as a result, may misinterpret these feelings as excitement.

If this has been your experience, a stable relationship may feel boring to you. If you find yourself comparing your current relationship with your previous one, it can help to remind yourself of the reasons why the previous relationship didn’t work out and wouldn’t have been sustainable over the long-term. This can assist you in putting your current relationship into perspective. 

3. A lack of novelty. 

In the initial stages of a relationship, partners are often trying out new activities, experiencing a heightened level of attraction to one another, and participating in fun dates. As the relationship becomes more stable, the excitement subsides.

Our brains are hardwired to pay attention to novel stimuli, so introducing some novelty into your relationship and planning a new activity to try together can help reduce your tendency to take it for granted. Plus, research has shown that looking forward to the activity has the added benefit of contributing to even more enhanced emotions (such as joy, excitement, happiness, etc.) than the activity itself. 

Some ways to reintroduce novelty into the relationship is to come up with a list of new activities to try together, new foods to test out with one another, or new places you and your partner want to visit.

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Roxy Zarrabi, Psy.D

Roxy Zarrabi, Psy.D., is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in relationship patterns, perfectionism, and positive psychology. She guides clients through the process of healing by empowering them to tap into their inner wisdom and utilize their strengths to combat their inner critic, boost their mood, and enhance their relationships. Her goal is to help people learn to thrive and live more meaningful lives. She is the author of Mindful Dating, a Psychology Today blog about the psychology of attraction and relationship patterns. More information about her therapy services can be found at www.drroxyzarrabi.com.View Author posts