When You Wonder If People Don’t Like You: 3 Things To Consider

 / 

,
when you wonder if people dont like you

Do you often think people don’t like you? President Trump’s poor approval ratings made him wonder recently why people don’t like him: “It can only be my personality,” he concluded. Well, maybe. But there’s more to it than that. Here’s what might make you more likeable.

It got me thinking about how many of us want to be liked and respected, but no matter how hard we try, we find ourselves feeling isolated—and confused as to why. As the Gilbert and Sullivan song goes, “Everybody says I’m such a disagreeable man! And I can’t think why!”

We certainly can’t please everyone and I’m not suggesting we try. It’s important to value ourselves regardless of how we’re perceived by others. But consider if any of the following might shed light on why people might find you disagreeable —someone with whom they don’t feel safe and comfortable. If you find yourself not caring about whether you’re likable or not, perhaps what I’ve written here will help you understand why some people you know are not easy to like.

For many people, the movement from being clueless to clued-in begins by replacing the addiction to blaming, shaming, or attacking others with a capacity for courageous introspection—entertaining the distasteful, but ultimately liberating, prospect that the cause of our isolation might lie within ourselves.

Here are 3 things to consider concerning why we might push away the affection we desire.

1. Do You Show That You Care?

Wanting people to care about you is a natural desire. But to what extent do you care about others? If you’re skilled at taking— looking for what you can get without much bandwidth to notice what others want from you, then no wonder people don’t feel drawn to include you among their friends.

How often do you offer your caring attention to people? Do you inquire into what’s happening in their world or intuit what they need to feel safe and happy? Or are you quick to talk about yourself and see how they might serve you?

take care

2. Do You Extend Empathy?

When you hear about another’s suffering, do you perceive it as their problem and nothing you need to be concerned about? Do you have an aversion to hearing about people’s challenges and difficulties?

Can you recognize when a person is hurting, afraid, or grieving? How close do you allow yourself to get to those feelings within yourself? Or have you tried crafting a life where sorrow doesn’t touch you?

Do you view uncomfortable emotions as a threat to the image you want to project? Might you consider tapping into an emotional strength that expands your tolerance for unpleasant feelings such as fear, hurt, or embarrassment? Doing so might make you a larger person.

Empathy

Related: What Is Hyper Empathy Syndrome? 12 Symptoms and How To Cope

The way we deal with our personal feelings determines how we respond to others. For example, if embarrassment or shame is intolerable for us, we might find ourselves attacking or judging people before even noticing the shame that’s driving us. Angry outbursts might protect us from intolerable pain—we transfer our shame to others so that we don’t have to feel it. Naturally, people won’t like us if they feel shamed.

If you experience emotions as a nuisance, you’ll turn away from them when others display them. It’s difficult to like you if you don’t register people’s feelings and respond with compassion.

A path forward is to pause before quickly responding to others, which might help you relate to them in a non-judging, non-shaming way. But in order to do that, you need to cultivate empathy toward your own vulnerable feelings. Emotions aren’t a weakness; they connect us with ourselves and each other.

Everyone grows up with their fair share of loss, failure, and adversity. Try being more sensitive to other’s struggles. This requires that you embrace your own uncomfortable feelings with kindness and acceptance. Embracing vulnerability makes you more human, potentially more kind, and more attractive to people.

3. Check Your Arrogance Level

Do you pause long enough to allow people to respond to your thoughts, views, and opinions, or do you ride roughshod over others’ sensibilities? Do you take up all the space in a conversation? Do you quickly dismiss what’s not harmonious with your pre-existing beliefs? Is it possible that they’re seeing something that you’re not?

Are you convinced that you’re always right? Are you strong enough to acknowledge that you’re wrong sometimes and to allow yourself to be influenced by others’ viewpoints? Do you cling to a rigid mindset that prevents you from changing your mind?

Arrogance is off-putting and might be contributing to your isolation. Recognizing that you could be wrong is the beginning of wisdom. Humility is attractive.

arrogance is used by weak

Everyone wants to feel that their feelings, longings, and humanity matter. If you can find the resilience to extend caring attention to others and honor their experience, you might find that people are naturally inclined to like you.

Try to find a harmonious balance between giving and receiving. Listen carefully and reflect back a bit of what you’re hearing. You might find that people love it, just as you do.

The path toward being liked isn’t shrouded in mystery. It often comes down to being kind, caring, and empathic toward people and experiencing ourselves as a part of the human condition, rather than someone who is special or better than others. All the great spiritual traditions teach us to love one another. Genuine spiritual leaders are loved because they loved us.

If we can reach inside ourselves and extend even a small amount of caring, gentleness, and responsiveness toward others, we’re likely to find they appreciate us for doing so, even if we don’t do it perfectly. In fact, people feel threatened by perfect people, so pretending we’re perfect is counterproductive. If we take the risk to honor and extend our imperfect self, we might be pleasantly surprised by the positive response we receive.


Written by:John Amodeo
Originally appeared on: Psychology Today 
You may access John's free online articles with Psychology Today and check out his books by visiting his website: www.johnamodeo.com
Republished with permission 
when you wonder if people dont like you pin
when you wonder if people dont like pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

JOMO Vs FOMO: How to Stop Worrying About Missing Out And Start Enjoying the Present

JOMO Vs FOMO: Benefits And Disadvantages To Know

Are you ready to explore the psychological battle of JOMO VS FOMO? We’ll be diving into the two sides of social connectivity and the importance of solitude.

Ever hopped on your phone and instantly felt envy? You scroll through your social media feeds and see friends having the time of their lives, while you sit at home doing nothing.

It’s what psychologists call FOMO (the Fear of Missing Out), a condition many people are familiar with in our age of smartphones. But could there be a healthier alternative? Say hello to JOMO (the Joy Of Missing Out).

What Is JOMO vs FOMO



Up Next

12 Surprising Benefits Of Talking To Yourself Every Day: Tuning Into Self-Talk, Unapologetically!

Amazing Benefits of Talking to Yourself

Ever talked to yourself? Ever told yourself whether you are right or wrong? Ever gave yourself some much-needed advice? Of course, you have. Most of us talk to ourselves as self-talk is one of the best ways to reflect and gain clarity. But are there any benefits of talking to yourself?

Perhaps you’ve whispered words of encouragement before a big presentation or voiced out your thoughts while working through a challenging problem. It is always fun to talk to the most captivating person in the room – yourself! 

You trust yourself, you always have your best interests at heart and you always keep your own secrets. Talking to yourself is undoubtedly the best conversation you will ever have. But is self-talk a bit weird? Or is it actually good for you?

Yes, it might seem a



Up Next

How To Deal With Nosy People? 8 Ways To Handle Intrusive People

How To Deal With Nosy People? Effective Approaches

Are you tired of dealing with nosy people who always seem to pry into your business and personal matters? No matter how hard you try, they always seem to have their nose in your private matters? Well, I have some good news for you. Today, we are going to talk about how to deal with nosy people, and also the signs of nosy people.

I’m going to give you some golden solutions to navigate such sticky situations. Whether it’s your nosy neighbor, your overly inquisitive co-worker, or even that pesky relative who just stop asking personal questions, I’ve got your back.

So, let’s explore how to spot nosy behaviors and how to deal with nosy people. First, let’s talk about the signs of nosy people.

Related



Up Next

4 Ways To Find Greater Fulfillment In Life

Finding Greater Fulfillment In Life: Ways To Achieve That

Living a fulfilling and purposeful life is one of the most underrated mindsets and skills to have. But what are the best ways you can go about finding fulfillment in life? Let’s find out, shall we?

Søren Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher, theologian, and poet is considered by many to be the father of existentialism.

His work focuses on individual experience and the importance of personal choice and commitment, and his philosophy offers insights into living authentically and finding fulfillment amidst the distractions and pressures of the modern world.

In the course of Kierkegaard’s writings, instructive themes emerge for how to navigate life’s complexities with integrity and purpose. Here are four.



Up Next

How To Make Right Decisions: 10 Proven Decision Making Tips You Can’t Afford To Miss

How to Make Right Decisions: Best Decision Making Tips

Have you ever found yourself standing at a crossroads, unsure of which path to take? Trust me, we’ve all been there! Life is full of decisions, big and small, that shape our journey and define who we are. This is why it’s crucial that we learn how to make right decisions.

Scratching your head about making a life-altering decision? Life loves throwing us curve-balls and forcing us to make decisions. Whether it’s choosing a career path, making a major purchase, or deciding on a life partner, the ability to make right decisions is an invaluable skill.

So let’s explore what is decision making and delve into some amazing decision making tips that will help you be a better decision maker. These practical insights help you navigate life’s crossroads with confidence and clarity.



Up Next

8 Things To Never Do In The Morning After Waking Up

Things To Never Do In The Morning After Waking Up

Mornings can be a battlefield, especially when the alarm clock rudely interrupts your dreams of tropical beaches and unlimited snooze buttons. But here’s the deal: there are certain things to never do, once you’ve woken up. Trust me, I’ve made my fair share of morning blunders.

Picture this: stumbling around and extremely groggy, you are reaching for that tempting snooze button like it’s your lifeline, only to realize that you’ve wasted precious time and now you are running late for work and household chores.

If you relate to this scenario, then it’s high time you ditch those toxic morning habits and practice some healthy ones. So, grab your coffee and read on to know about eight things to never do after you wake up in the morning.



Up Next

Monday Morning Inspiration: 8 Simple Tips to Make Your Monday Morning Better

Monday Morning Inspiration: Best Tips For Monday Morning

Discovering a way to enjoy the start of your week is hard for everyone. After a weekend full of relaxation, you have to go back to work or school and face another five days before you can rest again. If you’re looking for Monday morning inspiration, here are some tips!

Hearing an alarm on Monday morning feels like a punch in the gut. It’s an unpleasant reminder that it’s time to get up and do adult things again.

But out of this widespread feeling of discontent comes an opportunity for change! Instead of letting the Monday blues take over, let’s see if we can find some ways to find Monday morning motivation and make the first day of the week more enjoyable.