If you are reading this article, chances are there you are going through your fair share of ups and downs in your relationship. There can be many times when arguments and emotional differences can make you doubt your relationship. But, once the problems are bigger than your connection with your partner, then you should look for the signs to realize whether it’s time to break up or not.
Recognizing when it’s time to break up with someone is one of the hardest things to do. We get into relationships with so many hopes and dreams and, when they start to go awry, it’s hard for us to face the facts. As a result, we struggle to figure out when it’s time to break up with someone because we just don’t want to face it.
I am guessing all of your friends are telling you many reasons why you should be breaking up with your person but you think that they don’t know him the way you do so why should you listen?
Here are the 5 Signs it’s time to break up with your partner
I’m here to tell you that there are five concrete, universal signs that you should look for to know when it’s time to break up with someone. Listen and learn…
1. If they lie to you more than once.
Does your person lie to you? Do they lie to you over and over? If yes, then it might just be time to break up with them. We all tell lies. Sometimes little white lies prevent us from hurting someone else. Sometimes lies because we are embarrassed by something we did. Sometimes lies are unintentional.
The difference between this kind of lies and the kind of lies that show it’s time to break up with someone is their frequency.
Do find that you are continually catching your person in a lie? Do they lie about why they came home late or why they can’t see you who they were hanging out with or whether they left the dishes in the sink?
Even worse, do you find they are lying to you over and over and over about the same subject, sometimes using different lies but often just some version of the one they used before?
People who lie in their relationships do so to protect themselves. They know that they are doing things that they shouldn’t be doing and they feel guilty about it, so they lie. They don’t want to get into a fight with you about the dishes in the sink, so they lie. They don’t want you to come along, so they lie.
And do they always lie again when they are caught in a lie? If you are finding that your person is lying to you over and over then it’s definitely time to break up with them.
Healthy relationships are built on trust and if you can’t trust your person you have no chance of being happy. Furthermore, a person who is lying to you over and over is not someone who loves and respects you the way you deserve to be loved and respected.
Finally, who wants to spend their whole life not believing a thing that their person is saying to them. It sounds like a recipe for disaster to me!
2. If they disappear.
Be honest. At the beginning of your relationship was your person always around and available? Did they text you all day long, call you late at night, always wanting to know what you were doing, what you were wearing, when they were going to see you next? And, do they still do that? Again, be honest.
A big sign that it’s time to break up with someone is when your person disappears. If they usually text you good morning and they stop, that’s a sign they may not be still into you. If they are AWOL for a few hours where normally they might be available, that’s a sign that you might not be able to trust them. If they say they will spend time with you but then have an excuse for why they were doing something else, how can you not wonder why they didn’t want to be with you.
Imagine if you had a friend who was consistently letting you down, not responding to your text messages, blowing off dates, disappearing when you needed them. Would you stay with a friend like that? Would you invest more time in someone who doesn’t have the respect for you and the time that you deserve? Of course, you wouldn’t. That friend would be sidelined immediately.
So, if you would let go of a friend who did that, why wouldn’t you let go of a person who was doing that to you? Having a lover doing it to you is even worse than a friend because they are supposed to be your person, they are supposed to be prioritizing you, they should love and respect you enough that they will be there when they say they would.
If you person keeps disappearing, stop making excuses for them and let them go.
3. If history keeps repeating itself.
Ok, we have covered lying and disappearing and the fact that if those things are done over and over it’s definitely time to break up with someone.
People fight, people, mistreat each other, people call each other bad names. People disappear and reappear without an excuse. People break up with each other and then they get back together. People watch ahead on the series that you were watching together.
Those things happen – we are only human and make mistakes all the time. That being said, if you find that you and your person are having the same fight over and over, then it might be time to end things.
If you find that you break up and get back together and then break up and get back together, that is definitely a sign that your relationship should be stopping at the break up next time.
If your person goes out with their ex and lies about it, over and over, then it’s definitely time to walk away. So, think about your relationship? Do the same things keep happening over and over with no change? Do you get promises that things will be different next time only to have them be the exact same? Do you find you are repeatedly fighting about the same stupid thing without any resolution?
If you said yes to any of those things, it is definitely a sign that it is time to break up with someone.
4. If they remind you of your ex.
Do you ever find yourself in a fight with your person and does it suddenly pop into your head that they are just like your ex? When your partner has another excuse for why he won’t be around, do you think back to all of the times that your ex used to do the same thing?
When you reach out for a hug only to be rebuffed, do you remember how your ex always had an excuse for why they couldn’t touch you?
Unless we do our work after a breakup, unless we take the time to determine what went wrong and resolve to not repeat the same mistakes, we tend to choose the same type of person over and over and over. And, as a result, we find ourselves in the same position over and over and over – in an unhappy relationship.
If you are seeing your ex in your current partner then it is definitely a sign that it is time to break up with them. After all, your ex is your ex for a reason. Do you want to waste your time repeating history or do you want to walk away now and find someone who couldn’t be more unlike your ex and who could potentially make you deliriously happy?
5. If your gut says it’s time.
This is the hardest sign to look out for. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this article. Our gut is always accurate! Always. And yet it is the thing that we tend to ignore more than anything. And that is why there are so many relationship coaches out there – to help us to see what we already know but aren’t willing to face.
Think about your previous relationships. Did you see a red flag with someone right away but choose to ignore it, hoping that you were wrong? Did your gut tell you that your person was lying to you but did you ignore it, wanting so badly to believe them? Did your gut tell you that things were not okay when their touch no longer made you happy?
I am guessing that, in retrospect, you are wishing that you had paid more attention to your gut and not wasted so much time chasing something that wasn’t meant to be.
If you are feeling, in your gut, that it is time to break up with someone, then it is time to break up with someone. My list will be very helpful for you to process this situation intellectually but it is the feeling that you get in your gut, the one that says run for the hills, that is really the indicator that it is time to break up with someone. So, listen to it!
Knowing when it’s the time to break up with someone is something that we sometimes just don’t want to face.
We are so scared of being alone or not finding someone who can love us or hoping that things will change it makes us unable to face the very clear clues that the time has come to end the relationship. And so we stay and we suffer.
Keep an eye open for the signs, that they are lying or disappearing over and over and over. If they remind you of your ex or if your gut says to run. If you see those signs and you want to live happily ever, then it’s definitely time to walk away and find the right person for you!
You can do it! I promise!
Written By: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin