The 5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen

/

The 5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen

The 5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen

The car comes to an abrupt halt, and right before jumping out, a paralyzing surrender comes over my body. It’s been a long day and after a deep exhale to let it go, with the window still partially open, I hear this song in the parking lot’s ambient speakers. “The First Cut is the Deepest” by Sheryl Crow.

A girlfriend on the way to our breakup said this to me many years ago. I was young and arrogant, so I missed the truth she was seeking to convey. I had hurt her. Not in what I did, but what I didn’t do through the unintentional mishandling of her heart, the many ways I failed to show up, hiding behind masks that shielded us both from the infancy we wanted. I was safe and alone. She was wanting, and sad. We were done.

We do cut each other. It’s human. We can’t help it and it fucking hurts, but we keep coming back to each other because life isn’t meant to be done alone, at least not forever.

Now, a decade later, I’ve spent my nights, nose down submerged into hundreds of consumed books, countless 3, 10 & 12 step meetings, confessions, prayers a sweat lodge and I’m pretty sure some Indian ceremonies involving antlers and incense. Geez, the seeking to always find a wonderful new sense of a deeper man inside that enjoys listening to women, gets a man to listen and being guided by the power of feminine energy.

 

Ladies, there are some things you really NEED to know however if you want to be heard.

1. Get his FULL attention.

If you don’t have our attention, we hear you, but don’t really listen and therefore we have a hard time responding or being engaged. This causes all kinds of conflict because we come off as not caring and you get angry at us. The guy gets defensive when in reality, he’s just distracted.

 

2. Choose your timing wisely.

You can tell a guy just about anything and he’ll remain calm and collected provided your timing is right. When we are stressed, we won’t usually two things.

1)
to be left alone (i.e. the man cave) or
2) to just be WITH you quietly.

Occasionally, if a guy feels safe around you, he’ll want to tell you his stresses but only to share, not to be fixed. Choose your timing wisely.

 

3. Give us only the facts.

Yes, I realize that all the back story can be fun and engaging to your girlfriends, but we find it burdensome. We are creatures of action and want to know only a few things on how the story relates to us, if you’re safe or how else we’re involved. to drown a guy in story totally turns him off. Save the chatter for girls-night-out.

 

4. Tell us clearly what you want, need and/or expect.

The entire time you’re talking, we’re looking for the little buried signs of trouble, where we need to jump in and protect, provide or spring into some kind of action. We are, by nature, fixers and most guys will offer suggestions immediately to help solve your problem and feel worthy or valuable to his woman. While there is a growing group of conscious men that have done some serious work (or therapy) on how to listen, speed you up, slow you down and ask clarifying questions, most guys will just zone out unless you tell us what you want, need or expect. Be clear!

 

5. And the BEST way: Distract him with another activity.

That’s right, distraction. Invite us into another activity that is NOT a lets-sit-down-fact-to-face and talk. This scares us. We’re waiting for the shoe to drop, we’re wondering why it’s so serious, we feel scolded or in trouble. Have an activity, any activity that keeps you both engaged and the attention on you both collectively such as a project, gardening, a walk (perfect!), a craft, exercise (let him critique your moves, it makes him feel strong) are all great options. Date night is the best!

Like so many men, we cherish our relationships and even regret the ones where we just weren’t ready for commitment or lacked the emotional intelligence to propel the relationship forward.

 

I now listen to this song differently. This time, I KNOW I will hurt others because I’m human. And this time, I’ll make amends quickly, I’ll look deeply into the eyes of the other and truly connect. I’ll speak my truth with humility and love, I won’t look away, I won’t hide. I’ll be a source of healing and help others and keep showing up with all my silly flaws and eccentricities.

The first cut IS the deepest. It’s also the wound that heals and grows us so, so much so that we can return to do it again.

Love each other, as awkward and as painful as it may be.

~Robin


You May Also Like:

3 Things Women Do That Make Them Look Desperate and Drive Men Away
8 Reasons Why Men Pull Away When Falling In Love
10 Things Men Think About (And Actually Say Out Loud) When They REALLY Like You
10 Things Men Are Dying To Hear From A Woman

The 5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen pin
The 5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen

6 responses to “The 5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen”

  1. Jan Williams Avatar

    What a load of crap !!!! Grow up and live in the real world. Nobody should have to make sure you are in the head space YOU require to talk to you at just the right time for YOU. Using just the words YOU want to hear or understand. People who require being handled with kid gloves will miss out on a whole lot in this world, more today than ever before.

  2. Andrea Terman Avatar

    Wow… and women are complicated… sorry but it sounds like “be careful, I am a man, you have to think through every single movement – as I might be mentally somewhere else…”.
    Do you tell that men has to be tricked for being able to listen to us? Men are men – we are able to accept that they think differently. No stupid excuses please.

  3. Sharron Alvi Avatar

    #3 Self-centered much? Sharing stories about ourselves and our experiences in life, along with regular conversing, are significant for getting to know each other through the first years of a marriage and a significant way to stay connected and involved with each other during the rest of the many years spent with each other for longterm relationships.

    This article makes it sound like men do not want to talk about anything with a woman unless it includes something about him directly, and then only if it’s the perfect moment for him and we must entertain him with something else first!

  • Workplace Bullying: How To Deal With Bullies At Work
  • Lack Of Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon To True Self
  • The Rise in Armchair Psychologists on Social Media
  • 30+ Inspiring Quotes About Forgiveness To Let Go Of The Painful Past
Up Next

How To Not Be Clingy In A Relationship: 5 Tips To Manage Neediness

How Not Be Clingy In Relationship

When you try to hold on to the one you love, do they slip away like grains of sand? Maybe you need to loosen your grip a little bit more and learn how to not be clingy in a relationship.

We know how much it hurts to be called clingy or needy, just because one cares too deeply about another person and wants to be a part of their lives. With all the atrocious things humans inflict upon each other, does the need for love and care pose that big a problem?

Sadly, according to a study, clinginess and lack of personal space are the top relationship turn-offs. So, when does it go from sweet and nurturing to overbearing and smothering? And how can you manage your need for reassurance so that it doesn’t push your loved one away?

Does love mean letting go of the one you love or holding on to them for dear life? Does love mean the little things you do together or the big dramatic gestures? What love means to you exactly?

As we all are different, so are our convictions, thoughts, and principles. Even when it comes to love, the great equalizer, our perspectives vary. For some, love means holding hands and taking selfies together while making weird faces, and for some, love might mean deep conversations about life and relationships.

However, as long as you and your partner are on the same page regarding what love means to you as a couple, you are golden.

And as the zodiac signs influence our personality and behavioral traits, they are a sure shot-shot way to know what love means to you and someone else. This way, you can understand yo


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

What Is A Throuple Relationship And How Does One Work?

What Is A Throuple Relationship

Intimacy might not look the same for everyone, as intimacy is not really a black and white concept. What defines intimacy for you, might not have the same appeal for someone else. Society is changing as we know it, and it's becoming more and more accepting of every sort of relationship and love today. Amongst all the types of relationships, throuple relationships are one of them.

The spectrum of romantic relationships is gradually widening, and people are slowly beginning to recognize and respect throuple relationships, instead of ridiculing them or dismissing them as immoral and dirty. Even though we have come a long way, we still have a long way to go.

So, what is a throuple relationship, what it is like to be in a throuple, and how does a throuple relationship work?

Love. The one thing everyone wants. The one thing everyone seeks. Love is the closest thing to magic in our dull, dreary, gray hued lives. Love lights up the darkness in our hearts and makes us feel warm in the chilly weather of loneliness. No wonder most of us are so desperate to love and be loved. We frantically run around looking for the one, but we need to stop looking for love and let it find us. 

We need to stop being so afraid of being left alone. We need to stop being afraid of being strong. We need to stop being driven by fear and pain. You need to stop looking for love and let it find you. I know the lump in the throat and the heaviness in the heart is becoming unbearable. I know how badly you want to be loved. I know how much you deserve to be loved…unconditionally. And that is exactly why I am telling you, you need


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

Why We Hurt The Ones We Love The Most: 19 Harsh Reasons

hurting someone you love

Love hurts. No, not like those cheesy Hollywood movies or romance novels. Real love is a lot messier, filthy, and painful. No matter how much you may love someone, you either get hurt or end up hurting someone you love.

As the old saying goes, we hurt the ones we love the most. Yes, it sounds terrible, but there is actually some science to it. When we love someone, whether it’s romantic or platonic, we let our guards down and become honest, open, and vulnerable with each other. While this should make our relationship stronger, in reality, it creates the ground where we hurt the ones we love, whether intentionally or unintentionally. 

We fight. 
We argue. 
We shout. 
We ignore them. 
We blame them for our mistakes.