Things were going great and you could feel a genuine connection with him. You could feel he was the one. And you were sure he felt the same about you. And just when you opened your heart to him, he started withdrawing. But why? Why men pull away and grow distant just when things start getting serious? You’re confused and it’s driving you crazy. So let’s take a look at why guys pull away when they start falling in love and what you can do about it.
Wondering men pull away when falling in love?
One minute a man can be happily courting you, calling you consistently and acting as though your relationship is strong and will go the distance. He might say he loves you or mention he’s falling for you.
Suddenly, he becomes distant and withdrawn– which threatens the very foundation of your relationship. The next you’re terrified of losing him and wonder why it suddenly seems like he might leave you completely.
If your man has pulled back or asked for space, I know firsthand how heart-wrenching it can be. However, all hope is not lost, and it’s not always your fault if a man pulls away when things are going well.
Here are 8 possible reasons why he pulls away when falling in love:
1. He fears to lose his freedom.
As fun as it is to have someone to spend forever with, being with you might involve some lost opportunity costs that he’s not ready to give up yet.
Usually, this fear is totally subconscious, but it comes along with a more intense relationship. When a man feels as though your relationship might be “forever,” he can get spooked and start thinking about all of the things he will give up if he commits to you. As long as you don’t act like you’re trying to take away things that enjoy, usually you can ride this one out.
2. He’s simply not the marrying kind.
“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If he says he doesn’t want to get married, for goodness sake, BELIEVE HIM.
Trying to get a man to marry you who doesn’t want to get married is a lesson in futility.
If you really want to get married, you owe it to yourself to move on.
Trying to continue a relationship with someone who sees their life path so differently will only drive a wedge between you. Don’t hang on, trying to convince him that you’re the one for him. You’re not the one for him, no matter how shiny, happy, hopeful and exciting your relationship is right now.
3. You have incompatible life goals and/or beliefs.
People are most often willing to compromise on the little things. However, if you clash on big things like where you want to live, whether or not you want children and how many, religion, what kind of lifestyle you want to live together, these differences may be impossible to overcome.
He might be perfectly happy with short-term dating under these circumstances but feel reluctant to completely merge your lives together.
If you know there are underlying serious problems with compatibility in your relationship, you owe it to yourself to stop trying to tell yourself that something will change, someone will bend, or it will all work out. Don’t gloss over these big things because they do not go away after you tie the knot. If anything, the resentment of compromise from either of you can poison your bond over time.
4. He doesn’t feel settled or happy with his career or future.
Men worry about their careers and purpose a great deal, and tend to be one-track-minded about them. If he’s having trouble at work or struggling to find his purpose, he might pull away from your relationship to deal with it.