5 Ways To Rebuild Your Life After Divorce 


Ways To Rebuild Your Life After Divorce

Divorce is a difficult process that takes a mental toll, however, if you want to rebuild your life after divorce, here are active steps for moving on in life and healing.

Are you wondering how to get your life together after divorce?

Is the life that you once led, the one that you knew so well, suddenly completely gone and do you have no idea what to do next?

Let me help!

Getting divorced can be devastating but it doesn’t have to be life ending. Getting divorced is something that you will survive but you need to take it day by day, one step at a time so that you don’t get overwhelmed.

The first step towards living the life you want is learning how to get your life together after divorce. If you can lay a good foundation for your new life, one that is very different from your married one, you can then build on top of it and create the life you want.

Here are 5 key ways to get your life together after divorce so that you can move forward and live your best life.

How To Start A New Life After Divorce? 5 Steps For Moving On

1. Keep your divorce papers close.

Even though your divorce is final, it is very important that you keep all of the paperwork around your divorce close by.

To that end, it is essential that you create a filing system that will work for you to manage that paperwork. Keep your final divorce agreement, a name change document and any other documents that you have related to your divorce in a place where they won’t get lost and where you can get to them easily.

5 Ways To Rebuild Your Life After Divorce 
How To Get My Life To Get My Life Together After Divorce

Your divorce might be final but there are plenty of times over the next few years that you might need that paperwork. You might need them if you are applying for a mortgage or filing your taxes or changing your credit card account information. And if you don’t have the info close by you could be in trouble.

I have been divorced for 6 years but still find that I need my paperwork. This Christmas I bought my airplane tickets and, by mistake, the tickets were purchased in my married name. I discovered this the night before we travelled and, in order to change the name on the ticket, I had to provide the official name change documentation.

Thank goodness I had it in my file drawer so that I could send it to the airline. It still took me 5 hours on hold with the airlines to get the name changed but get it changed I did!

So, keep all of the paperwork related to your divorce in one place, a place you won’t forget and have easy access to.

Related: Can Divorce Make You Happier?

2. Don’t ignore your finances.

Every divorce leads to some sort of financial upheaval and making sure you have a clear understanding of what your finances look like is super important if you are going to get your life together after divorce.

So, first off, review all financial documentation that you have – bank accounts, mortgage accounts, credit card accounts, brokerage accounts, trusts, IRAs, etc. Make sure that you have a clear understanding of your assets, both liquid and fixed.

life after divorce
How To Move On After Divorce?

Next, pull together an accounting of your expenses – your mortgage, your car payments, your tuition payments, your grocery expenses, your kids’ after school costs, etc. Whatever it is that you spend money on. Once you have all of your assets and expenses pulled together then it’s time to make a financial plan for your future.

How much money you can spend monthly, what you can put away for savings, what things might need to get adjusted to fit the new financial situation? If your financial documents are all Greek to you, as they were to me, then spend the money and hire a good financial manager who can help you figure out what your money situation is.

A thorough understanding of your financial picture will help you get your life together after divorce and make you feel safe and secure.

Related: 10 Losses You May Not Expect in Divorce

3. Identify where you will need help.

When I got divorced, one of the biggest losses for me was that I no longer had someone living with me who knew how to work power tools, trouble shoot computers and manage our taxes.

For 20 years I had relied on my husband to fix things around the house, to deal with the computer (and other technology) when things went awry and to manage the taxes each year. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons that I didn’t want a divorce was because I didn’t want to deal with doing those things. Suddenly I was alone and I had to figure out how to deal with things that I had no idea how to manage.

life after divorce
How To Start A New Life After Divorce?

So, what did I do? I learned how to use some tools on my own – basic tools so that I could do simple things around the house. But. more importantly, I found a handyman who I could rely on to come help me if I needed help. Someone who could do all the little things that my husband used to do that I couldn’t do on my own.

As for technology, I learned that you could Google almost anything and find a You Tube video that would explain how to fix things. I also found a guy in town willing to help me if I couldn’t figure it out on my own.

And finally, for what worried me most, taxes, I hired a tax guy. Every year, in January, he sends me a worksheet of things that I need to pull together so that he can do my taxes for me in April. I gather everything together and send them to him and he does my taxes for me. It costs me some money but it is totally worth it for my piece of mind, knowing that my taxes are done and done properly.

So, take an inventory of what you will need to do around your house and figure out what you can do to get those things done. You can either set out to learn how to do them yourself or hire someone to do them for you. Either way, make a plan so you aren’t caught off guard by a broken pipe or a disabled modem.

And, conquering a drill or a clogged pipe will make you feel damn good and will make you believe that you truly can get your life together after a divorce.

Related: 4 Revealing Signs Your Relationship Is Ending

4. Start exploring.

So, for however many years, you have a been a wife, and maybe a mother. And, I am guessing that in that period of time your life has become rather small.

When we are single, the sky is the limit as far as what we can do with our life. We can move across country, travel the world, change jobs when we feel like it, sleep in on Saturday or wake up at the crack of dawn for a run. Whatever we want to do, whenever we want to do it.

Married life is different. When we are married, our lives join our spouse’s and the things we do naturally become aligned. As a result, our world can narrow.

If you want to move across country but your spouse doesn’t, you probably won’t. What you have for dinner, where you travel, what time you wake up, are all delicately navigated areas, ones where the couple must work together to make sure that everyone is satisfied.

And, as we settle into relationships, we establish routines, comfortable things that we do regularly over the course of our week. Maybe it’s Friday night Pad Thai, binging some show on Saturday, softball on Tuesday evenings and Thanksgiving with his folks. Habits.

life after divorce
How To Restart Life After Divorce? 5 Steps For Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce

Habits are not a bad thing- they are a comfortable part of being in a couple. But, now that you aren’t in one, you can do whatever the hell you want!

So, what do you want to do now that you are single?

When I got divorced I explored things large and small. I conquered driving in a snow storm and riding a jet ski. I learned out to use a drill. I bought flannel sheets for my bed. I moved to NYC. I hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and to the top of Macchu Pichu.

And I had fun!

I am in a relationship now and my life has gotten smaller again (which is not a bad thing) but I am glad that I had those years of doing what I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to.

5. Create a support system.

This final piece of how to get your life together after divorce is a key piece.

When we are married, we tend to focus on our nuclear family. No matter how unhappy we are, in general it’s mom and dad and the kids. Chores are divided, activities are attended, meals are eaten and discussions are had.

life after divorce
How To Get My Life Together After Divorce? 5 Steps For Moving On

Now that you are divorced, you will find that that the other person who was usually in bed with you in the morning and at the dinner table at night will be gone. It will be just you and the kids or, even worse, just you.

Making sure that you have a support system is a key part of surviving a divorce. Do you have friends and family who you can rely on? Do you have a therapist or life coach who understands you and can help you manage your emotions? Are you involved in activities with people you enjoy being with? Is work someplace where you can feel good about yourself and confident in your abilities?

If the answer to any or all of the questions above is NO then it’s time to get out there and find yourself a support system.

Getting started with this second act of your life will be very hard and doing it alone will make it almost impossible. So, pick up the phone and call some friends or family, make sure you see your therapist regularly, get out of the house and try new things and do things every day that make you feel good about yourself.

Related: Is Boredom In Marriage A Cause For Concern? How To Fix It

Trying to figure out how to get your life together after divorce is very brave. And very smart.

Those of us who find ourselves newly divorced have entered new, untrodden territory – territory we have no idea how to manage. And, when we are in a situation we don’t know how to manage, knowing first steps is a great to getting it all under control.

So, make sure that you know where all of your divorce paperwork is at all times, get your finances in order, figure out where to get help managing the small stuff, start exploring life and get a support system in place to help you when times get rough.

Being divorced doesn’t have to be the end of the world. In fact, I am here to tell you that ten years later I am so much happier with myself and my place in the world than I was when I was married.

I do look back at me ten years ago and wished that I knew how to better navigate that first year after my divorce. If I knew more I might have skipped over some of the growing pains that I experienced out in the new world on my own.

So, get yourself together. Spend the time and money necessary to get it done so that you can go forwards, living your best life, knowing that you have it all (well, most of it at least) under control.

You can do this. I promise.

Related: 7 Bonding Exercises For Couples For A Strong Marriage

Rebuilding life after divorce can be tough, but you need to remember that change is always going to be difficult at first, be hopeful and kickstart your new life!

Written By: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin
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5 Ways To Rebuild Your Life After Divorce 

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