To Every Girl Who Has Ever Lost Herself To A Toxic Man

Being in a toxic and unhealthy relationship takes a lot from you, and there might have been times when you have lost to a toxic man. This is one of the most painful and heartbreaking experiences to go through. To every woman who has lost herself to a toxic man, this one is for you.

Some days I wonder if I will ever fully be myself again, and unfortunately, those days seem to be happening more than I would like to admit.

Yes, relationships take a lot of work but relationships are supposed to be fun. When you are with the right person, relationships are simple. Nobody deserves to be in a relationship where they are afraid of their partner, yet that is more and more common these days.

I am ashamed to admit that I stayed in a relationship where I was fearful of the man I was with.

All it took was one day, one day where I had enough courage to walk away, and walking away was the best decision I have ever made. I had let someone take so much from me, and if I didn’t have the courage to walk away I don’t know where I would be today.

Related: 12 Signs You Are Losing Yourself In Your Relationship

To Every Girl Who Has Ever Lost To A Toxic Man

I dated someone who made me lose my self-worth.

I lost my smile that once lit up any room I walked into because he couldn’t stand to see me happy. My smile was a bother to him.

Once he charmed me into falling for his act he knew he had me hooked and he knew he could manipulate me. He knew he had me wrapped around his finger and he knew I wouldn’t leave. Because of him, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore because he made me feel lower than I ever knew was possible.

I dated someone who made me lose my self-confidence.

Because of him, I lost my self-confidence and my carefree attitude. I was the girl that ‘didn’t deserve to be told compliments because I didn’t need them.’ Because of him, I felt worthless.

I dated someone I thought I knew.

I spent so much time convincing myself that he was going to go back to the man I had first met that I was completely oblivious to the fact that it was impossible. I so badly wanted to believe that it was all just a phase, but it wasn’t.

I dated someone who I didn’t even know who he was.

The man I first met wasn’t him; it was who he wanted to be perceived as. He turned out to be nothing but a liar and a cheater. I constantly made excuses for him and disregarded his wrongs.

I wanted him to so badly be the man he pretended to be that I became blind. And because of this, I made our relationship picture-perfect on Instagram. I thought if I made it look perfect then it would be perfect.

Because of him, I lied to everyone that asked me how we were. I lied because I thought if I lied about it enough, it would become the truth. I deliberately chose to ignore all the signs because all I wanted to do was see the best in him.

Related: 6 Signs He Is Incapable Of Love

I dated someone who made me question everyone.

Because of him, I realized that maybe some people just don’t have any good in themselves. Because of him, I stopped being the person who saw the best in everyone. The person who gave everyone the benefit of the doubt.

I dated someone who was incapable of loving anyone but themselves.

I thought if I just brushed everything aside and loved him with everything in me, then it would make him love me back. It took forever to understand, but I now understand that it is impossible to make someone love you who only knows how to love themselves.

Because of him, I felt alone while being physically next to him. I was dating a man who refused to kiss me and refused to look at me. He made me feel unworthy every step of the way. No matter how many times I had a huge smile on my face and was excited to see him, I was never worth looking at.

I was dating someone who intentionally put me down so he could feel powerful. It was like a game to him – the worse he could make me feel, the better it made him feel.

I dated someone who I let manipulate me.

Every time he bailed on me or ignored my calls he somehow made me feel as if I deserved it. He made me feel as if I didn’t deserve to be spoken to. Every time I questioned him cheating on me, he somehow turned it around for me.

It was my fault he hid things because ‘if I trusted him, he wouldn’t have to hide it.’ It was my fault he messaged other girls on social media because, ‘if I trusted him, it shouldn’t matter who he talked to’. He manipulated me into believing that I was the crazy one.

I was dating someone who was jealous of me.

Because of him, I stopped greeting everyone with a smile because he was jealous of the fact that so many people knew me and liked me. He made me feel guilty for being friendly. He said that ‘I was a whore’ for knowing so many people from the opposite gender. I convinced myself that I must really be a whore if he says I am one.

Because of him, I stopped being my bubbly self in order to try to make him love me. Because of him, I thought if I made myself less of a person he would stop making me feel guilty for being me.

Because of him, every time someone complimented me on something, I didn’t believe them. Because of him, I wanted to be less of a person than I am.

Related: 12 Signs That Will Help You Spot A Person Who Is Secretly Jealous Of You

I dated someone who had to put others down to build himself up.

He was the guy who was always in a relationship. He was and still is the guy who jumps immediately into a new relationship because he can’t survive without manipulating someone.

He is the guy who jumped into a new relationship 4 days after we had broken up. I truly feel sorry for the girl he is with (and the girls after her) because he will continue making all the other girls feel the way he made me feel. He will never be happy with himself and the only way he knows how to fill the void within him, is by putting others down.

I dated someone who made me stronger.

Because I left him, I feel even more empowered than ever. Because I left him, I remember what it’s like to be the girl who is always smiling but I remember the person who took that away.

Related: 10 Signs He Is Playing Toxic Mind Games With You

Because I left him, I got my corky sense of humor back. Because I left him I have met so many people that admire me for who I am and don’t knock me down for it. And never again will I tolerate someone who does. Because I left him, I know what it feels like to be truly loved.

Because it was in leaving him I learned to love myself again.

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Written By A.J. Ecton
Printed with permission