Sometimes in life, there comes a point when you become oh-so-tired of being single. And it doesn’t really feel that great, does it?
Our attitude towards being single takes on many forms at various stages of our lives. There are phases where you just love it—the luxury of not having to answer to someone, the ease of argument-free nights out, and the freedom to spend an entire day (or weekend) on the couch, completely guilt-free. These phases usually happen when you are young or fresh out of a breakup.
But then there are the stages where you hate being single. You’re tired of the nights out (and lonely nights in), over the search, and maybe starting to slightly panic that you haven’t yet found The One. This is not a fun stage. It’s full of sorrowful looks and tough conversations at family gatherings and unwanted advice from almost anyone who notices you are without a ring. I know this because I’ve been there.
If you’re currently struggling with your single status, here are three steps to help change your mindset. Here Are 3 Things To Do If You’re Tired Of Being Single
1. Take A Step Back
First, take a deep breath, and let’s analyze why you are tired of being single. It is critical that you open your mind and be honest with yourself about this. What are you attaching to your single status? It is most likely either meaning or fear. You think it means you are unattractive, uninteresting, or unlovable.
Or maybe it plays into a fear that you’ll still be single next year, in 10 years, or on your deathbed. There is a reason it is bothering you, and that reason comes down to how you feel about yourself or your life. Identify that reason.
Now, many of you will answer something along the lines of, “I want to get married and have children.” And I will argue that isn’t the reason you are unhappy being single; that is fueling a fear. Let’s really look at it—does the fact that you are single right now mean you won’t get married and have children? No. If you are still single tomorrow, does that mean you won’t get married and have children? No. If you are still single next week… you see my point.
So often we use the present as proof that our feared future will come true, but that just doesn’t make sense. The fact that you are single right now predicts nothing about the future. It only describes the present.
It’s important to identify what you are attaching to being single that is making you uncomfortable. Once you know what it is, you can question it—ask if it is true. (Hint: the answer is “no.”) Your relationship status does not define any aspect of you or your life. However, how you feel about it provides all kinds of valuable insight.
If you don’t like being alone, that means you don’t like hanging out with yourself. Really think about that for a minute—you don’t like hanging out with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever be in. It sets the stage for every other relationship in your life. You have to first figure out why you don’t like being single in order to work through it.
Heads up, your answers won’t be pleasant. They almost always tie back to feelings of unworthiness, that you aren’t enough. Now, the good news is that isn’t true, but the bad news is the hardest person to convince isn’t true is you.
So here comes the advice you’ve gotten a hundred times that’s likely going to result in an eye roll and heavy sigh. Stop focusing on finding The One.
I know, I know, you’ve been there, done that. But here’s the thing—have you really done it? More often than not, when we attempt to listen to that advice, we start going to the gym more, reading more, getting together with friends, or however we define self-care. But why are you really doing all that? What do you want to happen?
You are hoping that by not focusing on finding The One, he/she will then magically enter your life (cue some Romcom reference). So in reality, you have just found a backdoor way to remain focused on finding your someone, not focusing on yourself.