I know it might seem impossible to do but knowing how to stand up to someone who doesn’t value you is the key to being happy. So many of us do it – no matter how badly we are treated, we won’t walk away. We want so badly to love and be loved and we never want to give up hope, so we stay. And we suffer.
If you have a clear understanding of the specific things that you need to do to successfully stand up to someone who doesn’t value you, you will have a far better chance of doing so and being happy.
So, how do you stand up for, and get, what you want?
Here Are 5 Things You Should Do To Stand Up To Someone Who Doesn’t Value You
1. Don’t justify their behaviors.
I can’t tell you how many of my clients justify their person’s behavior when they are treated badly.
I have a client whose guy was always late. It was so disrespectful. What did she do? She justified it by saying he had to help people at his recovery group. How could she be upset if he was helping others?
Another client said that her boyfriend could never go out after work because he had to be there for his kids – even on days that he didn’t have them. She said that he must have had other things to do with them – every time he used that excuse.
How about your person? Does your person do things that you know aren’t ok and are you willing to write those things off? If you had a friend who told you the things that your person is doing to you were being done to them, would you tell them to run and run fast?
It is important that you don’t justify your person’s behaviors. The reality is is that a person who values someone makes time for them isn’t always making excuses, and treats them like they are a priority.
Don’t kid yourself if things are otherwise. You will regret it!
2. Don’t lose yourself.
Many of us, particularly those of us who are being undervalued in a relationship, lose ourselves when we are involved with someone.
Those things that we used to do to make ourselves laugh, to make us feel good about ourselves, that made us feel loved and respected, those things get put to the side in our desire to commit ourselves to our relationship above all else.
A few years back, I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t value me. When I met him, I was a single woman living very happily in NYC with my dog. I was running my own business and doing volunteer work that I loved. I respected myself.
Two years later, I was a shell of that person. Two years of being undervalued had made me believe that I really was worth nothing. And, as a result, standing up to him, standing up for myself, was almost impossible. I didn’t value myself – how could I expect him to value me?
So, make sure that, whether your relationship is a healthy one or not, that you don’t lose yourself to it. Keep your hobbies, your friends and your family in your life, focus on your career, take care of yourself. All of these things will keep you self-assured and aware that you deserve to be valued, no matter what, and you will feel more confident standing up for yourself!
3. Don’t overcompensate.
Does this sound like you?
Does your person come home late and you still have dinner hot and ready for him?
Does your person not call for days and when she finally does, do you act like nothing is wrong?
Does he say unkind things to you and you just try to let them roll off your back?
Do you tiptoe around her, doing whatever you can to keep her happy so that she will love you?