“Be careful while falling in love, see that the fall doesn’t kill You.” – Steve Relane
Understanding why you tend to choose the partners you do can not only help you understand yourself better, but also understand what type of lover you want. With so many options around and nearly not enough time to date each and everyone out there, knowing who you are compatible with can help you build a happy and loving relationship. Love may be mysterious, but it is also great as it relies on a lot of factors for love to blossom.
Here’s how your brain reacts when it falls in love:
When starting this research project, I wanted to be able to offer you some concrete evidence on why you fall in love with who you fall in love with. Since we are all unique in our own way, this became exceedingly difficult, but I did some exercises myself that I’ve found helpful.
If you want to try it too, do the following:
Sign-up for the Free Dating & Relationship Toolkit below and open up the Workbook “The Cues of Love”
1. Note: Not all cues are a representation of our mother. I believe our caretakers have an influence, but in our youth, we form expectations from the people that become emotionally attune with our needs – teachers, babysitters, and so on. So it’s more than just your mother, and to a degree, more than even female characteristics.
2. Book: Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert pg. 18
3. Pfaus, J. G., Kippin, T. E., Coria-Avila, G. A., Gelez, H., Afonso, V. M., Ismail, N., & Parada, M. (2012). Who, what, where, when (and maybe even why)? How the experience of sexual reward connects sexual desire, preference, and performance. Archives Of Sexual Behavior, 41(1), 31-62.
4. Book: Why Him? Why Her? How to Find and Keep Lasting Love by Helen Fisher ↩
5. Blechner, M. J. (2006). Love, sex, romance, and psychoanalytic goals. Psychoanalytic Dialogues, 16(6), 779-791.
6. Alapack, R., Blichfeldt, M. F., & Elden, A. (2005). Flirting on the Internet and the Hickey: A Hermeneutic. Cyberpsychology & Behavior, 8(1), 52-61.
7. Book: Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman pg 22
8. Book: I Don’t Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrance Real pg 125
9. See Footnote 2
10. See Footnote 2
If you want to transform conflict into the material to build a stronger and more connected relationship then read Kyle Benson’s conflict blueprints here.
Written by Kyle Benson Originally appeared in Kyle Benson