Healing can be a double-edged sword at times, as it leads to you being the strongest and best version of yourself, but at the same time there is also an ugly side to it.
Healing isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s hard work. In fact, it’s up there, amongst the hardest work you will ever do in your life.
Most people have spent their lifetimes hiding from their childhood trauma. Dredging it up from the recesses of your memory and reliving it, are not really on most people’s to-do list.
When most people think about healing they think of meditation, inner peace, and sitting in the lotus pose in complete calmness, chanting, “Ohmmmmm.” That is the end goal, hopefully, but there is an aspect of healing that most people don’t talk about. The path to getting there, to finding your peace, is rattled with pain, anguish, doubt, and fear.
As many people take the initial steps on the path it isn’t always quite as blissful as they imagined and many turns back to the toxic lifestyle they know and are comfortable with.
The truth is, the path to healing is terrifying. You will feel like you are walking around all by yourself in no-mans-land. It’s isolating and full of despair.
As you weave your way through it you’ll find out many things about yourself, you’ll also find a strength that you never knew you possessed.
I’ve compiled a list of common elements people experience on their way to healing.
Here Is The Ugly Side Of Healing
1. Feeling Lost
When you don’t know where you’re going, or what you should be doing, only that you have to keep moving, it’s a terrifying place to be. It’s uncomfortable and unfamiliar. You will often look around you and see that others seem so together and you’re a hot mess, whose whole life has just been one colossal mistake after another.
All you know is that staying where you are is not an option. This is one of those places where you have to put on your warrior outfit and battle through. Keep looking for answers and you’ll find the path.
Related: 3 Steps to Healing from Betrayal
2. Having A Death Wish
A lot of people report taking huge risks with their safety and their lives at this stage. They feel like it doesn’t matter if they live or die and that no one would really miss them anyway. They feel that being here, being alive, is so painful and they start to think about what it would be like to not exist anymore.
This isn’t necessarily thoughts of suicide, as they are not directly thinking about taking their lives, though they are engaging in high-risk activities where the outcome could indirectly result in their death, such as driving too fast or recklessly, consuming drugs and alcohol is dangerous quantities, or engaging in activities that they wouldn’t ordinarily if they were in a different state of mind.
3. Feelings of Isolation
When you find yourself at the crossroads, you’ve very likely isolated yourself from others or been isolated by an abusive partner and you feel like you have no one in the world. You feel stuck at home like you can’t do anything or go anywhere – mainly because you have no one to do it with.
This is a dangerous place to be and you will have to force yourself to go out and socialize with people. Start reforging old connections that you may have lost and look for new ones. Having a support group and activities to take your mind off of things is essential on your road to healing.