The Secret Key To Finding True Love


, , ,
The Secret Key To Finding True Love

If your eternal quest for finding true love is facing one dead end after another, the following article might help you discover some startling insights into finding real love.

Whether you‘re completely single and have been for years… Or recently separated having gone through a gut-wrenching breakup, there is something I need to bring your attention to. The key to finally finding love.

Many folks believe that a “relationship” starts and stops with another warm body, be it your intimate partner, ex, or best friend. But what if I told you that there is another critical relationship that exists forever and always in your life at this very moment?

The Relationship That Matters

What if this hidden relationship was the FOUNDATION for creating healthy, clear love with another human being?

You see, it’s often the neglect of this hidden relationship that causes all of your romantic endeavors to fall apart at the seams.  In fact, if this relationship isn’t healthy, it’s IMPOSSIBLE for you to create a thriving partnership with a lover…Period. So,

What is this hidden relationship that’s right under your nose? Well, it’s your relationship with reality, the way life is right now. In other words, the relationship you have with the present moment.

Let’s unpack this. If you’re single and reading this email, how do you feel about being single? When you’re feeling lonely, do you find yourself distracting or disconnecting from that feeling because it’s painful through say social media, eating, drinking, or work?

On a more general, level how do you find yourself dealing with any uncomfortable emotion that enters your experience?

If you‘re typically disconnecting from your experience of the present then you‘re not in the right relationship with life. In truth, what you‘re practicing is abandoning the present moment.  And if you‘re abandoning the present moment, you’re abandoning yourself.

You’re not being intimate with yourself, nor your feelings, which is actually the true starting place for being intimate with another (and building a relationship that lasts).

Related: 10 Phrases That Say A Lot More Than ‘I Love You.’

Instead what you‘re practicing is an unfulfilled, disconnected way of being that often leads to emptiness, loneliness, and discontent.

Your mission of finding true love cannot be successful unless you learn to savor every moment
Living In The Moment Will Help You On Your Journey Of Finding True Love

The Path Of Finding True Love

And here’s the kicker – if this is the neuronal highway you are continuing to fire in your mind over and over again; disconnect and abandonment about where you‘re at currently in life, then another human being is not going to come along and change that way of being.

Imagine a guy comes along and you have practiced creating an identity of lack, missing, dis-ease. It will typically play out in one of two ways:

1. You Believe Something Is Missing And You Will Look For Evidence Of Such

Your neuronal pathways will have experience and strength firing, “something’s not right”. So, you may find yourself being suspicious, unsatisfied, “not feeling it”… with the people you date.  You have trained yourself into looking for “what’s missing”.  

Your expectations of what the right partner will feel like will be so enormously out of proportion to the reality that no mere mortal will be able to fill those shoes.  So you‘ll hold back – driving with the breaks and become defended in your interactions with men because you’ll be thinking it’s too good to be true. Or if you’re in a relationship you’ll feel dissatisfied and this pattern is ultimately one of self-sabotage and constriction.

Related: 10 Habits That Cause Low Self Esteem And Depression

Or, on the flip side:

2. You Will Be Desperate Because You‘ve Been Training A “Scarcity Mindset.”

A man entering the picture you feel you click with will just be a blank canvas for you to project all that has been missing from your life.  He will feel projected onto a golden goose; him being positioned in your mind on a pedestal that will both flatter and put an unreasonable amount of pressure on him to be what you want him to be.   

This will drive him or her away because they won’t feel you are in a relationship with them, but rather in a relationship with some fantasy of a savior who is going to rescue you from your discontent. In short, they won’t feel like an equal.

At its core in both of these paths, the disconnection with the present moment breeds desperation because you‘re ultimately outsourcing your connection to self, through connection to others as the only way to achieve fulfillment.

Make sense?

If you can relate to anything I’ve just unpacked here, know that you’re not alone.  This is a very common phenomenon.  It is your responsibility though, to step out of it if you want to create healthy clear love.

So, how do you break this cycle if this is where you‘re at?

What’s The Key To Finding True Love?

First, you must realize that your emotional experience is your responsibility and see the game that you’ve set up, that in order to feel happy, secure, free, loved, desired you have believed you need a partner.

Just become aware of this.

Related: Healthy Boundaries: How To Protect Your Personal Space

And this game of, “I can’t feel the emotions I want until I’m in a partnership” is authored by you, and therefore, you have the power to dismantle it.

So start to flirt with the idea, that a relationship might not make you happy. I know plenty of folks in a relationship with the “right partner” at one point that doesn’t feel any of those things above. In large part, because they never practice creating those feelings for themselves.

The secret is to discover how to arrive at that destination of contentment, feeling loved, secure first, without a partner.

Now look, on this path, there are going to be periods where you do feel discontent, sad, disappointed with not having a partner. This is normal and natural but the way through these feelings is to not run from them.  And it’s not to try and fix them or distract yourself from them (like checking your phone incessantly whenever you feel lonely).

It’s not to make these feelings wrong or run from them through achievement, workaholism, or judgment that you SHOULDN’T be feeling this way – judging the feelings leads to them staying stuck.  The way through these often painful emotions is to be with them.

To welcome them to welcome all of them as guests. To build intimacy with each of them and expand your relationship with the present moment itself. To use each emotion as a gateway to building a more resilient, loving relationship with you. That’s the path to finally finding true love.

finding true love
Finding True Love Becomes Possible When You Love Yourself Every Moment

The Journey Of Finding Real Love Starts With Living In The Moment

To say yes to the present is to say Yes to yourself.

When you are in the right relationship with the present moment, you come into the right relationship with yourself as a creator of your experience. You‘re then gifted with the ability to author a more compassionate story about why you are where you are. It’s an opportunity to practice self-love and intimacy through communication with yourself in a way that builds all of the necessary scaffolding you GET to bring with you as an offering into your next relationship.

No more putting pressure on someone to fix your experience and not recognizing love when it’s staring you in the face.

Relationship at that moment then becomes a platform for you to give and be, rather than a place for you to take from. That’s the key to finally finding love that exists forever.

I believe this poem by Rumi captures the essence of this “being and welcoming” the present experience.

Related: 12 Tips To Self-Love And Compassion

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

Written by: Clayton Olson
Originally appeared on and is republished here with permission.
Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator. He delivers private virtual coaching sessions and leads online group workshops. Register for his free webinar that reveals the 3 Keys to Attracting and Keeping a High-Quality Man or grab his free guide  5 Secrets To Create An Extraordinary Relationship.

So, did you find the above article “The Secret Key To Finding True Love” to be helpful? Now that you know about the one most important relationship that matters and how to find true love, tell us what is your secret to happiness? And how will you score your hidden relationship with life? Please leave your comments down below.

Key to Finally Finding Love Lasts pin
Finding True Love Takes Self-Work
The Secret Key To Finding True Love pin
The Secret Key To Finding True Love

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

Is Lifestyle Creep Sneaking Up on You? 2 Key Signs to Reassess Your Spending Habits

Lifestyle Creep: Important Questions to Ask Yourself

Are you familiar with the term lifestyle creep? Even if you are not, you may be a part of it unknowingly. Wondering why? Because it comes very subtly with the upgradation of our lifestyle.

You get a raise or a bonus, and suddenly, your daily coffee turns into a pricey latte, your old car feels outdated, and that budget-friendly vacation destination no longer seems appealing. This is the concept of lifestyle inflation that may give you a hard time eventually.

Hence, overcoming such spending disorders is possible with careful planning of your budget and maintaining a few strategies. If you are also finding the solution for your unnecessary spending habit, keep following.

Are Lifestyle Creep and Spending O

Up Next

Why It’s So Hard to Admit You’re Wrong: 7 Surprising Psychological Barriers You Didn’t Know About

Why Is It So Hard To Admit To Being Wrong? Psychological Reasons You Need To Know

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a heated debate, feeling that gnawing sensation that you might be wrong, but don’t want to admit it? Or maybe you are watching someone double down on their stance, even when all evidence points to the contrary, and wondering, “Why can’t they just say they’re wrong?” It’s a common scenario that plays out in classrooms, workplaces, and even family dinners, leaving many of us puzzled about why it is so hard to admit to being wrong.

Admitting we’re wrong isn’t just about swallowing our pride. For some people, admitting an error feels like a failure on a personal level, thus threatening their self-esteem and identity. Others worry about being judged and what consequences may follow. It’s not stubbornness alone, but this innate fear of exposure and vulnerability that makes it hard to

Up Next

4 Powerful Ways to Accept Vulnerability and Sensitivity In Your Life

Vulnerability and Sensitivity: Amazing Ways to Embrace It

Vulnerability and sensitivity – are two character traits that are often misunderstood and considered obstacles, but did you know they can be blessings in disguise?

Our early childhood and formative years, particularly in early infancy, adolescence, and young adulthood are the main times when we get maximum life-altering experiences. This is the time when we face ups and downs in careers, heartbreak, trauma, depression, struggle, and many more, isn’t it?

We go through various overpowering experiences that permanently affect the subcortical regions of our brains, whether or not we consciously recall them.

This might occasionally make us feel vulnerable and insufficient. We feel that to avoid being branded as weak, stupid, or too sensitive, we have to be powerful, intelligent, and tough. 

Up Next

What Self Love Is Not? Understanding 5 Common Misconceptions About Loving Yourself

What Self Love is Not? Common Myths To Debunk

Self love is not just taking bubble baths and affirmations. It’s definitely not an individualistic ego thing. So what is it truly? This simple-sounding phrase has a broader meaning in our lives and in this article, we’ll discover what it means to love yourself!

The effect of post-modernism has made everyone quite detached from each other and there is an underlying promotion of living and being alone. Elements like self-love support this concept.

However, post-modern self-love has a toxic edge that is camouflaged under the original term. So follow the discussion to check whether you are going in the wrong direction with your self-love.

Read More:

Up Next

Toxic Positivity Vs Genuine Optimism: 3 notable examples 

Toxic Positivity Vs Genuine Optimism: notable examples

To keep your hopes high in this competitive world is not easy. To be hopeful in all situations without dreading “what might come next?” is a rare positive mindset I lack. I started digging deep into the topic of toxic positivity vs genuine optimism through my phase of acceptance and denials.

But I often feel pressurized by narratives like “Be happy no matter what.” There are situations where I cannot apply: ” When life gives you lemons, make a lemonade.” 

Moreover, it is more pressurizing to try and identify positive points in such situations. Failing to do so sometimes results in rumination, which is detrimental to mental health.

While searching for how to approach a situation and wondering why I cannot think positively in a situation, it took me closer to the difference between tox

Up Next

Do you wish to stop Procrastinating? Dopamine detox is your solution!

Dopamine Detox: Step Guide to Remove Distractions and Increase Focus

Often we fall into procrastination and try hard to get out of it. Getting out of the bed or completing a vital task takes forever and we delay each day by saying to ourselves, ” I will definitely do it tomorrow”, but the tomorrow never comes. Is Dopamine detox the solution?

Procrastination creates stress, overthinking and self-loathing that affects and further delays our crucial tasks.

You might wonder about the reason and the possible solution to break through the loop.

The answer is Dopamine

Up Next

Psychological Freedom: Does Freedom To Choose Cause Anxiety?

Psychological Freedom: Does Freedom To Choose Cause Anxiety?

Having psychological freedom is a very very, important aspect of life. But what is psychological freedom and why is it so important? This article is going to talk about what psychological freedom entails.


The freedom to choose brings meaning to our lives and boosts well-being, but it can also generate anxiety.

Sometimes people respond in self-sabotaging ways: trying to control others, blindly accepting suffering, or automatically conforming.

True freedom requires great courage, a kind of leap of faith.

Freedom, as described by the German social psychologist