Whether you‘re completely single and have been for years… Or recently separated having gone through a gut-wrenching breakup, there is something I need to bring your attention to. The key to finally finding love.
Many folks believe that “relationship” starts and stops with another warm body, be it your intimate partner, ex or best friend. But what if I told you that there is another critical relationship that exist forever and always in your life at this very moment?
What if this hidden relationship was the FOUNDATION for creating healthy, clear love with another human being?
You see, it’s often the neglect of this hidden relationship that causes all of your romantic endeavours to fall apart at the seams. In fact, if this relationship isn’t healthy, it’s IMPOSSIBLE for you to create a thriving partnership with a lover…Period. So,
What is this hidden relationship that’s right under your nose?
Well, it’s your relationship with reality, the way life is right now. In other words, the relationship you have with the present moment.
Let’s unpack this.
If you’re single and reading this email, how do you feel about being single? When you’re feeling lonely, do you find yourself distracting or disconnecting from that feeling because it’s painful through say social media, eating, drinking or work?
On a more general, level how do you find yourself dealing with any uncomfortable emotion that enters your experience?
If you‘re typically disconnecting from your experience of the present then you‘re not in right relationship with life. In truth, what you‘re practicing is abandoning the present moment. And if you‘re abandoning the present moment, you’re abandoning yourself.
You’re not being intimate with yourself, nor your feelings, which is actually the true starting place for being intimate with another (and building a relationship that lasts).
Instead what you‘re practicing is an unfulfilled, disconnected way of being that often leads to emptiness, loneliness and discontent.
And here’s the kicker – if this is the neuronal highway you are continuing to fire in your mind over and over again; disconnect and abandonment about where you‘re at currently in life, then another human being is not going to come along and change that way of being.
Imagine a guy comes along and you have practiced creating an identity of lack, missing, dis-ease.
It will typically play out in one of two ways.
1. You have built up evidence that something is missing and the REASONS why in your life for however long.
Your neuronal pathways will have experience and strength firing, “something’s not right”. So, you may find yourself being suspicious, unsatisfied, “not feeling it”… with the people you date. You have trained yourself into looking for “what’s missing”.
Your expectations of what the right partner will feel like will be so enormously out of proportion to the reality that no mere mortal will be able to fill those shoes. So you‘ll hold back – driving with the breaks and become defended in your interactions with men because you’ll be thinking it’s too good to be true. Or if you’re in a relationship you’ll feel dissatisfied and this pattern is ultimately one of self-sabotage and constriction.
Or, on the flip side:
2. You will be desperate because you‘ve been training a “scarcity mindset.”
A man entering the picture you feel you click with will just be a blank canvas for you to project all that has been missing from your life. He will feel projected onto as golden goose; him being positioned in your mind on a pedestal that will both flatter and put an unreasonable amount of pressure on him to be what you want him to be.
This will drive him or her away because they won’t feel you are in relationship with them, but rather in relationship with some fantasy of a savior who is going rescue you from your discontent. In short, they won’t feel like an equal.
At it’s core in both of these paths, the disconnection with the present moment breeds desperation because you‘re ultimately outsourcing your connection to self, through connection to other as the only way to achieve fulfilment.