Has your partner cheated on you over and over and over? Are you wondering about surviving repeated infidelity, whether it’s time for you to stay in or get out of the relationship?
Whether your partner has cheated on you once or cheated on you multiple times, your pain is real and your feelings are overwhelming and asking yourself how you are going to get through this, is really important.
There are a few questions that you can ask yourself, to help you make the decision about whether you should stay or you should go.
1. Is your partner truly remorseful?
Surviving repeated infidelity and keeping your relationship intact is harder than if infidelity is a one-time thing but there is one element that is essential as the first step to get past both kinds of affairs: remorse.
If your partner is fooling around on you over and over and over, then it’s important that they accept responsibility for their actions.
Do they truly show you remorse and acknowledge that what they did was wrong and how much they hurt you? Or do they try to put some (or all) of the blame back on you – that you were ignoring them or not having sex with them or some other sort of excuse that lets them off the hook?
If your partner can’t or won’t acknowledge their responsibility for the affair then it is very possible that it will happen again. Even if it doesn’t happen again, the rest of your relationship could involve them blaming you for their actions.
So, take a good hard look at your partner. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who isn’t willing to take responsibility for their actions and the pain they caused you? If not, perhaps it’s time for you to go.
2. Is your partner willing to get help?
Serial infidelity is not something that happens in a void. People who fool around over and over are people who are struggling with who they are in some way.
People who have a single affair don’t generally set out to have an affair. There is something missing in their marriage, maybe something they aren’t even aware of. And then they meet someone, maybe at work, someone who is having the same experiences as they and they strike up a friendship. As the friendship grows, so do the feelings between the two of them. Eventually, this connection can lead to an affair.
People who cheat more than once on their partner, either one at a time or perhaps with multiple other partners, are generally people who set out to have an affair. And the reasons that they set out to have the affairs are many.
Perhaps they are feeling unhappy in their primary relationship and seek someone who understands them. Perhaps they want more sex then they are getting in their current relationship. Perhaps they need to have sex with more than one person to feel good about themselves. Perhaps they have abandonment issues that make them need to leave the person they are with so that they aren’t left. Perhaps they are struggling with trust issues and don’t believe that anyone could be faithful to them.
The list of reasons why someone cheats repeatedly is endless but what is important for deciding whether to stay or go is whether your person is willing to take a good hard look at why they cheat repeatedly and agree to get some help to manage it.
I do believe that relationship counseling can help move the relationship towards a resolution but I think that it’s essential that the cheater gets some help to understand and deal with the source of their cheating.
So, if your person is willing to get help, then perhaps staying, at least for now, is a good idea.
3. Do you still like your partner?
An important question to ask about surviving repeated infidelity is whether or not you still like your person.