4. Don’t seek revenge.
When our partners stray, we are often so hurt and angry that we want to act out, to hurt that person the way that they hurt us. And what do we do? We seek revenge.
Revenge comes in many forms. Revenge can be taking the children and leaving. It can be about withholding love and affection. It can be telling the whole world about the infidelity. It can be about being passively aggressive in your interactions with them so that they suffer, drip by drip. Or it can be like Lorena Bobbitt, who cut off her husband’s penis (and went to jail) after discovering he had cheated.
Whatever kind of revenge that you are thinking of, DON’T DO IT. It is essential that, in this stressful time, you hold your head up high and act in a way that is irreproachable. Act in a way that won’t give your partner fuel for the fire for blaming you. Act in a way that your friends and family see you as a good person and so they will choose to support you. Act in a way that won’t cause you any remorse down the road.
You are probably feeling pretty bad about yourself right now and, while revenge might feel like the answer, it’s not.
And, actually, the best revenge will be your partner seeing you not falling apart but presenting yourself with grace and dignity in the face of what has happened!
5. Get help!
You are going through something that you have never gone through before – recovering from the aftermath of infidelity. While the tendency to go it alone, to heal by yourself, is strong, you have never walked this road before and getting help is essential.
I know that you might be ashamed about what has happened and you are worried that your therapist or life coach will judge you but I can promise you they won’t. Many people go through this every day and a professional will only seek to support you through this time, not judge you. I promise.
Whether its individual therapy or life coaching, marital counseling, or some combination of them both, seeking assistance from a professional during these horrible times will set you up for getting through all of this and coming out the other side in a healthy way.
Even if your partner won’t agree to get help, do it for yourself. You may or may not stay with this person but you will always be with yourself. Knowing how to like and love yourself is key to being happy, with or without another person.
So, reach out to a therapist or a life coach (perhaps me!) today and get the help that you need processing what has happened and how to move forward.
Surviving infidelity in a toxic marriage is something that can happen, with some self-awareness and action.
No matter what you decide to do, stay or go, it is possible for you to get through this intact and come out the other side happy.
Don’t blame yourself but instead ask yourself what you want to do next. Get a sense of whether or not your partner is remorseful and don’t seek revenge, whether they are or aren’t. And get someone to help you get through these difficult times. You can’t go it alone, even if you want to.
I know it feels like life will never be okay again, but it will be. I promise!
If you want to know more about surviving infidelity in a toxic marriage, then check this video out below: