Dysfunctional Families and the Holidays

dysfunctional families and holidays

Holidays are happy times, aren’t they? Families gather together around the dinner table and share love and devotion over food; gifts are given, always the ones that are most wanted by the receiver and thoughtful on the part of the giver; the house is warm and comfortable, and the days are energizing and fulfilling.

Unfortunately, for many, many people this happy scene is not the reality of their families. Instead, holidays can be dreaded—addiction problems, missing loved ones who have died, being alone after divorce or fights with children, money troubles, yelling and fighting, indifference and lack of care and concern, and exhaustion for some people trying to do too much with too little reward are more the norm.

Many people look at holidays as just something to “get through”—a time of the year to endure until the next morning comes and life can return to some sort of normalcy.

Related: 11 Ways To Deal With Your Toxic Family During The Holidays

Holidays can last all throughout November and December, and the pain exists until the calendar turns to the new year and the person can hope for a different set of outcomes next year.

If you are dreading your holiday season, there is still time to consider taking a different approach this year such that you might not only get through the holidays in a better frame of mind but possibly even enjoy them just a little bit.

Here Is How You Can Survive Your Dysfunctional Family During The Holidays

1. Knowing The Cycle Will Likely Be The Same As It Has Been In The Past For You, Choose A Different Path This Year.

Aunt Mary always gets on your nerves when you meet your family at her house? Sister Sally consistently puts you down for your choices and lifestyle? Dad never gives you thoughtful and personal gifts and seems to forget each and every year to buy you anything?

Don’t expect more from them! Aunt Mary will do her thing, Sister Sally and Dad will come through as they always have, and you can choose, this year, to let it roll off of you. Have someone you can text, or call or communicate with, who is in on the secret and knows what you will confront.

When family members do what you know they will do, reach out to your friend: “Yes, it happened again.” Ask them to be ready with a reply that is helpful to you—a smiling emoji, a funny meme, or a joke that makes you laugh. Instead of having a negative response, be ready with a different response.

2. If Holidays Are Lonely Because You Have Lost Someone Or Miss Those You Love, Make Plans To Be Somewhere Else During The Holiday.

Nursing homes, pediatric units in the hospital, animal shelters, and the like are full of people and furry beings who are longing for love and attention.

The best way to lift your sorrow and pain is to turn your attention to someone who really needs your focus and support. Not only does it feel good to be helpful, but you will take your mind off your own sadness for a short time.

Related: 24 Simple Self-Care Ideas For The Holidays and Beyond

3. Make A New Plan This Year.

It’s hard to believe, but if you really, truly dread showing up at your family’s house for the holidays you can go somewhere else and do something different. Yes, they will complain; yes, they will try and make you feel guilty; yes, they will get mad—but so what? They will either get over it, or they will be so upset you will be off the hook entirely next year!

Find a friend, or co-worker, or neighbor or church or synagogue where you could gather instead of being with family. There are many people and places who spend holidays either alone, or with people, they are not related to—start your own new tradition this year.

Holidays and dysfunctional families
Holidays and dysfunctional families
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Beverly D. Flaxington

Beverly D. Flaxington, MBA, is the Human Behavior Coach®. She is a three-time bestselling and Gold-award winning author, an investment industry professional, an international speaker, an accomplished consultant, Certified Hypnotherapist, personal and career coach, college professor, corporate trainer, facilitator, behavioral expert, entrepreneur, and business development expert. Beverly’s knowledge of human behavior and the most effective ways to make change happen have helped thousands of people over the years. In addition to being an expert on human behavior, she is recognized as a confidence coach and work relationship “doctor.”View Author posts