10 Ways You Can Stay Out Of Texting Trouble

Ways You Can Stay Out Of Texting Trouble

“Texting is a fundamentally sneaky form of communication, which we should despise, but it is such a boon we don’t care. We are all sneaks now.” – Lynne Truss
“Text me.”
That request would’ve sounded crazy twenty-five years ago.

Now it’s the way many of us communicate; it’s easy, fun, and convenient. It opens up time in your day to be more productive. Or to binge on a little Netflix.

A quick text can be expedient and efficient for work, and it allows you to stay in touch with friends and family. Longer text conversations can take place while you’re simultaneously cooking, working out, or otherwise occupied. Group texts can be both fun – and times, annoying, with way too many “dings” going on. And you bet it can feel a little intrusive.

Yet you pick up your phone and reply, even when you’d rather not…or worse, it takes your attention away from what you’re doing.

How can texting lead to problems?

1) You can irrationally or wrongly interpret the “why” of no response or a delayed one..

What’s fascinating neurologically about texting is that dopamine is released when you’re awaiting a response — and what does dopamine do? It’s known as the seeking neurotransmitter. It’s released when you’re seeking something out that you anticipate being pleasurable. The more dopamine, the more seeking.

So, what happens when a reply doesn’t arrive? An hour can make you believe that you’ve been abandoned, forgotten, disrespected, or ghosted, or even a few minutes can lead to imagining a catastrophe — that the absent sender has been abducted. You text other friends for advice and the “why” can be the topic of endless, agonizing speculation.

It’s even worse when you see those three flashing little dots, only to see them disappear. Theories spring into action. And you’re. a wreck. There’s no dopamine happening anymore… Cortisol and thus anxiety is running rampant. Or anger.

And there’s the dreaded one-word response. And let’s not forget the drunk texting late at night.. not usually positive.

Related: Why Phone Calls Are Better Than Texting Reveals New Study

2) Texting ignores those around you..

I don’t think we realize how much innate power the act of texting in front of someone else has on that relationship. Think about it. You’re hunkered over your phone, head down, privately giggling, or rapidly moving your fingers over the keys. You’re not in the moment with them at all, or certainly not completely. No wonder it leads to problems with distrust.

And then there’s texting as a replacement for real, live conversation.

I had a young female patient who was miserable here at our local university. Let’s call her Lisa. Lisa was from another state, and complained to me, “Everyone already has their friend groups.” I asked her what she did as she walked between classes.

“I usually text my mom.”

“I wonder if the person right next to you, walking up the steps and going into the same classroom, might be someone to say hi to?”

“I’d never thought of that.”

Lisa wasn’t available to anyone around her as she giggled with her mom or told her how miserable she was.

3) Texting can serve as an escape or become a way to avoid intimacy…

There’s a poignant sadness in seeing a family, or a couple, supposedly out for dinner, and all are on their phones.

I never know quite what to think. Are they uncomfortable? Unhappy? Is there nothing to talk about? Do they not realize that time is a gift? Is the game they are playing, or the scores they are checking, that important?

Related: 7 Ways Modern-Day Texting Is Ruining Your Life and Relationships

4) Texting can make betrayal far too easy…

“She used to have her phone out, just laying around. I noticed that wasn’t happening anymore. She took it with her everywhere. When she took a shower, I picked it up.”

“I was using his phone to Google something, and saw their texts.”

Discovering texts has become a prevalent way for people to find out about affairs, whether sexual or emotional. Maybe it’s you that is having a teasing, flirty, fairly intimate relationship with someone else that spices up your daily life but feels otherwise innocent. But it’s a secret; you don’t share the conversations with your partner, because you know it would hurt them. This is deceit by omission. And talk about dopamine

So what can be done about this?

Rules of Thumb for Healthy Texting

First, here are five rules that can help couples keep their texting within healthy boundaries.


1. If you wouldn’t show what you are writing to your partner, then it’s better not to write it.

2. If you’re actively doing something together, and you get a text that needs a response, or you think of something you want to text to someone else, explain to your partner who you’re texting. Let them in on it a bit so it doesn’t feel like such an intrusion.

3. If you get an inappropriate text from someone else, show it to your partner. Talk together about how to handle it.

4. Use texting as a way of reaching out every now and then in a loving way. Don’t only have fun with your friends via text, then only use it with your partner to ask them to pick up a dozen eggs. Send them funny memes… let texts between you feel fun as well.

5. Recognize that if you show someone else a text your partner has sent you, then that can feel like an invasion of privacy. Think about it before and if you do.

And now, families.

1. Establish times when technology takes a back seat; maybe a no-tech Tuesday, phone-free Friday, or perhaps phones get put away at dinner time.

2. Put away your own phone when you’re with your kids, at least as much as you can. They’re watching and learning from you. My toddler son used to hide my beeper (now quite a gadget of the past). But the message was clear. “I need you here with me, present and in my world.”

3. Have age-appropriate discussions with your kids about what you expect if you text them. By having these agreements followed, trust and respect are built.

Related: How Your Partner’s Phone Causes Jealousy

4. Remember that reading your child’s texts is like listening in to their private conversations. And the older they get, it’s important they have their own identity, away from you. Unless you have a good reason to suspect that your teenager is getting into trouble, don’t read them. Or tell your kids ahead of time that occasionally, you’re going to read them as a safety precaution.

5. Make sure your kids understand that even if they think the messages they’re sending are private, it only takes a screengrab for that conversation to be shared with others – and not necessarily in a fully truthful way. The safest thing to do is never write something to someone, no matter who it is, that you wouldn’t be okay with the entire world seeing.

Written By Margaret Rutherford
Originally Appeared On Dr. Margaret Rutherford
Ways You Can Stay Out Of Texting Trouble pin

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

4 Ways To Find Greater Fulfillment In Life

Finding Greater Fulfillment In Life: Ways To Achieve That

Living a fulfilling and purposeful life is one of the most underrated mindsets and skills to have. But what are the best ways you can go about finding fulfillment in life? Let’s find out, shall we?

Søren Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher, theologian, and poet is considered by many to be the father of existentialism.

His work focuses on individual experience and the importance of personal choice and commitment, and his philosophy offers insights into living authentically and finding fulfillment amidst the distractions and pressures of the modern world.

In the course of Kierkegaard’s writings, instructive themes emerge for how to navigate life’s complexities with integrity and purpose. Here are four.

Up Next

How To Make Right Decisions: 10 Proven Decision Making Tips You Can’t Afford To Miss

How to Make Right Decisions: Best Decision Making Tips

Have you ever found yourself standing at a crossroads, unsure of which path to take? Trust me, we’ve all been there! Life is full of decisions, big and small, that shape our journey and define who we are. This is why it’s crucial that we learn how to make right decisions.

Scratching your head about making a life-altering decision? Life loves throwing us curve-balls and forcing us to make decisions. Whether it’s choosing a career path, making a major purchase, or deciding on a life partner, the ability to make right decisions is an invaluable skill.

So let’s explore what is decision making and delve into some amazing decision making tips that will help you be a better decision maker. These practical insights help you navigate life’s crossroads with confidence and clarity.

Up Next

8 Things To Never Do In The Morning After Waking Up

Things To Never Do In The Morning After Waking Up

Mornings can be a battlefield, especially when the alarm clock rudely interrupts your dreams of tropical beaches and unlimited snooze buttons. But here’s the deal: there are certain things to never do, once you’ve woken up. Trust me, I’ve made my fair share of morning blunders.

Picture this: stumbling around and extremely groggy, you are reaching for that tempting snooze button like it’s your lifeline, only to realize that you’ve wasted precious time and now you are running late for work and household chores.

If you relate to this scenario, then it’s high time you ditch those toxic morning habits and practice some healthy ones. So, grab your coffee and read on to know about eight things to never do after you wake up in the morning.

Up Next

Mastering Energy 101: How To Manipulate Energy And Create Your Ideal Reality

How To Manipulate Energy To Get What You Want

Do you realize how powerful energy is? Have you ever wondered about this incredible force that surrounds us, permeating every aspect of our existence? Energy is the lifeblood of the universe, and harnessing its power can unlock extraordinary possibilities. Let’s find out how to manipulate energy to get what you want.

Today, let us embark on a journey to explore the fascinating realm of energy manipulation and discover how you can tap into this universal force to manifest your desires. So, fasten your seat belts and get ready to unleash the power within!

What is Energy Manipulation?

Energy manipulation refers to the practice of consciously directing and shaping the energetic forces that flow through and arou

Up Next

5 Powerful Benefits of Imaginative Thinking

Imaginative Thinking: Powerful Benefits Of Imagination

The benefits of imaginative thinking are unending to be honest. However, in this article we are going to explore five of the most interesting and powerful benefits of imagination and imaginative thinking.


Imagination is a fundamental aspect of human life.

Imagination enables one to look beyond the world as it is.

Imagination helps create different lenses through which to see the world.


Up Next

What Kind Of Angry Are You? The 4 Types Of Anger

The Types Of Anger: What Kind Of An Angry Person Are You?

Everyone gets angry at some point, and anger is probably one of the most common emotions we feel. But did you know there are different types of anger, namely, 4 types of anger? This article is going to talk about the different types of anger and how they look like. So, what is your anger style? Let’s find out!

Anger may rear its emotional head in irritation and annoyance, self-pity and withdrawal, envy and resentment, or vengeance and violence. Our anger may fill the room with dominance or veil itself in anxiety or avoidance.

Those who internalize anger may question whether they have the right to be angry and avoid direct confrontation. They stuff their anger down to prevent offending, being disliked, or losing control.

Those who externalize anger resort to blaming, shaming, and engage i

Up Next

10 Signs You Are Wise Beyond Your Years

Signs You Are Wise Beyond Your Years

Are you often told by close ones that you’re an old soul? You know, the ones who always have a nugget of wisdom to drop, even though you never try too hard to portray yourself as intelligent? If so, you might just be wise beyond your years.

In a world where we often correlate age with experience, there are quite a few people who possess an innate depth of understanding that defies their age. It’s like they know more than they should, and they have an otherworldly aura to them.

So, if you’ve ever been told you’re an old soul trapped in a young body or if you just have a knack for offering sage advice, you’ve come to the right place, my friend. This article is going to look at the signs you are wise beyond your years.