5 Stages of Marriage And How Your Love Map Can Make It Stronger


5 Stages of Marriage And How Your Love Map Can Make It Stronger

All relationships go through rocky tides. But your understanding of the five stages of marriage and correctly reading your love map can help show you the way to a lasting, happy marriage.

We all want real, lasting, love. Yet, too many of us end up getting blown apart by the Divorce Bomb. True, some marriages should never have begun and some should end, but too many good marriages end up on the rocks because we have a faulty love map. Here I will give you some tools to get you started on the path to the relationship you’ve always wanted.

I had assumed that becoming a marriage counselor would not only help others but would help me to find my true love and live happily ever after. I was dead wrong. After going through two marriages and two divorces, not much fun as most of you well know, I decided I had to figure out how to have a marriage that worked. I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams and Carlin and I have now been joyfully married for nearly forty years. The key to our success, and yours if you want to learn, was to understand the 5 Stages of Marriage and how to correctly read our love maps.

The 5 Stages of Marriage are:

Stage 1: Falling In Love
Stage 2: Becoming a Couple and Building a Life Together
Stage 3: Disillusionment
Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love
Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World

Stage 1: Falling in Love

Falling in love is evolution’s trick to get humans to pick a mate and have kids so that our species carries on. It feels so wonderful because we are awash in hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen. Falling in love also feels great because we project all our hopes and dreams on our lover. We imagine that they will fulfill our desires, give us all the things we didn’t get as children, deliver on all the promises our earlier relationships failed to fulfill. We are sure we will remain in love forever. And because we are besotted with “love hormones,” we’re not aware of any of this.

Stage 2: Becoming a Couple and Building a Life Together

Many of us reach Stage 2 but continue to long for the crazy, hormonally driven, passionate love of stage 1. At this stage, our love deepens and we join together as a couple. This is a time when we have children and raise them. If we choose not to have children, it’s the time when our couple bond deepens and develops. It’s a time of togetherness and joy. We learn what the other person likes and we expand our individual lives to begin developing a life together.

In movies and fairy-tales, the next stage is “And they lived happily ever after.” But in real life, this is the time when disillusionment sets in and we question whether we should be together. We think we may have made a mistake. Some remain unhappily married. Some get a divorce. Few recognize that they have entered stage 3.

Stage 3: Disillusionment

This is the stage few people know about or understand. It’s where my first two marriages ended and where the majority of marriages fail today. However, it’s not the beginning of the end as most people fear, but the entrée to real, lasting, love. But take note: If you don’t have a proper love map and a guide to see you through, you may get lost.

It’s in the disillusionment stage that we undertake real soul work. It’s not for the faint of heart. It requires courage you never thought you had and I won’t lie to you, the journey can be frightening, but the rewards for those who take it are immense. In next week’s article I will give you the detailed map to get you through Stage 3, Disillusionment, but for now, let’s complete description of the stages.

Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting, Love

When Carlin and I hit Stage 3, we were prepared. As painful as the rights were and the loud silences, we never gave up on love. Instead of bailing out we went deeper. The benefits of Stage 4 are contained in the name. It’s real. It lasts. It is love like you never imagined it could be.

For the first time, we were able to see the other person as they really were, not the selfish projection of our unmet needs. We felt safe in a way we never had. We felt truly seen and accepted for who we were and we accepted ourselves as the flawed, yet glorious, human beings we all are.

And here is the bonus. We fell in love again. But it was much wilder, much crazier, much more joyful than the first time around.

Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World

Here’s a little mind experiment. What would the world be like if every couple had a proper love map and successfully navigated the five stages of love? I’ll bet it would be a more loving, kinder, world where we understood and respected our differences. I suspect the left and right wouldn’t be as rigidly separated and heads of state wouldn’t so easily lead their countries to war.

In practice, it means a couple feels so much gratitude for what they’ve been given, they want to do their part to create a better world for their children, grandchildren, and all people who share this beautiful planet. In the words of my colleague, Charles Eisenstein, we work together to create “the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.”

Written by Jed Diamond Ph.D
Originally appeared in The Goodmen Project

You may also like:

5 Different Stages of Marriage And How To Effortlessly Survive Each Of Them
The 5 Stages of Love: Why Too Many Stop at Stage 3
How and Why Establishing Boundaries Before Marriage Can Build A Stronger Bond
7 Ways Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage

5 Stages of Marriage And How Your Love Map Can Make It Stronger
5 Stages of Marriage And How Your Love Map Can Make It Stronger

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

9 Tactics To Trigger The Hero Instinct In A Man

Hero Instinct In A Man: Ways To Trigger Their Inner Hero

Do you know there’s a hero instinct in every man? If you want to unlock that side of your man then you have come to the right place. Today, we are going to talk about how to trigger the hero instinct in a man, and do it the right way.

From understanding their innate drive to protect and provide, to unraveling the mysteries of their emotional landscape, we will explore what is the hero instinct, and what does hero instinct in relationships look like.

So, ready to know more about this side to men? Let’s go then.

Related: How To Make Your Man Happy: 25+ Last Minute Gift Ideas For Him

Up Next

Lost Connection: How To Heal From Emotional Neglect In Marriage And Find Hope

How To Heal From Emotional Neglect In Marriage: Tips

Do you know why some marriages appear to be thriving while others seem to be crumbling? What is it that creates such distance among spouses? While there can be various reasons behind marital distress, one often overlooked but significant factor is emotional neglect in marriage.

Emotional neglect can quietly erode the foundation of a relationship, leaving both partners feeling lonely, disconnected, and unfulfilled. Let us delve into the depths of emotional neglect in marriage, exploring what actually is, signs, underlying causes, and most importantly, how to heal and nurture a healthier emotional connection with your spouse.

What is Emotional Neglect in Marriage?

Emotional neglect in marriage refers to a pat

Up Next

6 Minutes To Improve Your Relationship: How To Have Better Communication With Your Partner

Minutes To Improve Your Relationship?

If you are thinking about how to improve your relationship, then you have come to the right place. How to better communicate with your partner? Communication is crucial to building a healthy relationship, and this article is going to talk about that. Let’s explore how to have better communication with your partner.


The three keys to communication are speaking openly, listening empathically, and reflecting back.

We usually skip reflection, so the speaker does not know if they have been heard.

A simple practice of reflection can build this skill.

Does your par

Up Next

6 Unconventional Relationship Choices That May Seem Weird, But They Do Work

Unconventional Relationship Choices That Actually Work

Unconventional relationship choices, huh? They’re like the hidden gems of the dating world, the rebels of romance, the quirks that keep love alive. Even though traditional relationships have their own appeal and charm, sometimes it’s the unconventional that brings some excitement into our lives.

From open relationships to living apart together, these relationship choices may be frowned upon, but for many people, these are the relationship choices that work the best for them. To each his own, you know.

Such non traditional relationships go against what most people think is normal, however, they show us that l

Up Next

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

Research Backed Relationship Remedies

When it comes to dealing with relationship problems, science can prove to be really helpful and can provide you with some substantial research-backed relationship remedies. This article is going to talk about some of the most effective and useful relationship remedies that can make a huge difference to your relationship.

You may think these should go without saying, but in my personal and professional experience, they have not.

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

1. Be Quick to Repair Injury

One day, my wife sensed my odd vibe, I didn’t like her asking, and it gr

Up Next

What is a Trophy Husband In Today’s Relationship Dynamics?

Signs of a Trophy Husband: Exploring Modern Masculinity

Most of us are aware of the term “trophy wife”. But have you heard about a “trophy husband”? It is a somewhat new term that is a gender-swapped version of the more popular concept of “trophy wife”. 

In today’s evolving society, where gender roles are constantly being redefined, there’s a rising trend of trophy husbands. These men are not only eye-catching companions but also possess qualities that make them desirable partners. 

Today, let us explore this fascinating concept and understand what is a trophy husband,  the signs to look for, why being a trophy husband is exhausting, and the potential issues that can arise in relationships with them.

What is a Trophy Husband?

Up Next

Feeling Like Roommates In A Marriage? 7 Signs Of Roommate Syndrome And What You Can Do To Change That

Feeling Like Roommates In A Marriage? Signs Spark Is Gone

Are you feeling like roommates in a marriage? You know, that sinking feeling when you realize the spark has fizzled, and your relationship has become more about paying bills and coordinating schedules than love and connection.

The thing is, roommate syndrome is more common than you think, and many couples face this, after being together for a long time. When you are in the roommate phase of a relationship, you might ask yourself why and when the romance disappeared or if you’re both just pretending to be happy.

But that might not be the case. In this article, we are going to look at what is roommate syndrome, the signs of roommate syndrome, and how to deal with roommate syndrome, so that you stop feeling like roommates in a marriage.

So, let’s get started, shall we?