Soulmate Myths That Will Help You Find Your Soulmate

Soulmate Myths That Will Help You Find Your Soulmate

Everyone would like to find a ‘soulmate.’ In movies and books, this sort of person is portrayed as being someone with whom there is a deep, almost spiritual connection. You feel whole and at peace when in one another’s company. They know your flaws and don’t care, or better, find them charming and tell you that these defects are in fact strengths.

“My defects are really strengths?” you exclaim. “Wow, someone who really sees the true me.” Yes, the real you can finally be known, without reservation. You share all the same values and life goals. It feels as though you were fated to be together, and in doing so you complete one another.

Sound good? I bet it does. It would be wonderful.

I’ve known people who spend a lifetime looking for their soulmate. And I’ve even known some who told me that they had found their soulmate. Most of the time this turned out to be a case of mistaken identity that took a few years, and sometimes a divorce attorney, to clear up. Close but no cigar.

Every one of these folk eventually recovered from their surprise and resumed their search. They were 100% certain that a special soulmate was alive and well, waiting to be found.

Related: 10 Soulmate Love Myths You Need To Stop Believing

To my knowledge, none of these explorers of love ever found what they were seeking.

That is likely because soulmates are a lot like unicorns. Beautiful, mystifying, and elusive. You’ll have a better chance of locating Sasquatch than setting your eyes on a soulmate.

Why? Because most of the time our romantic vision of this type of relationship is divorced from reality. It’s 100 percent fantasy.

That’s not to say you cannot find a wonderful person with whom you can fall in love and build a terrific future. That’s a reasonable idea, and there are many people that have proven it to be possible.

But a soulmate, the perfect person described above, is an imaginary creature, not a flesh and blood human being. If you are to ever have a happy, healthy, long-term relationship, it is important to aim for what is realistic. Sure, aim high, but with your eyes wide open.

If you make it your goal to find a soulmate, the ideal person who makes you constantly feel whole, happy, and complete, then every romance will eventually end in disappointment.

Acknowledge that everyone has flaws (including you) and these imperfections are bound to show up in our closest relationships. No one can wipe away someone else’s insecurities, their selfish impulses, or past hurts.

A good person will try and reign in these dark impulses. A good relationship may diminish them even further. But it will not ‘wipe the slate clean.’ To expect this is to ask too much.

Soulmate Myths That Will Help You Find Your Soulmate

Aiming for a soulmate leads you to expect the stars. When you end up receiving the moon, you’re likely to feel short-changed. Eventually, you’re tempted. “Maybe it would be better to move on” because the real flesh and blood flawed individual who loves you does not make you feel ‘complete.’

He or she just doesn’t have that soulmate shine. Why continue to settle when a ‘real soulmate’ waits for you somewhere else in the world?

This sort of thinking leads to constant disillusionment. It will cause you all kinds of pain. If left uncorrected it will lead you so far astray that you miss out altogether on developing a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship with someone who cares about you deeply. Instead of building that type of real-life relationship, 0you’ll end up chasing a phantom.

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Forrest Talley Ph.D.

Forrest Talley, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Folsom California. Prior to opening this practice, he spent 21 years working at the University of California, Davis, Medical Center. During that time he supervised MFT and SW interns, psychology interns, and medical residents. In addition, he was an Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at UCDMC. He worked in several capacities at the UCDMC CAARE Center. These include Co-Training Director of the APA approved psychology internship program, the Individual and Group Therapy Manager, primary supervisor for interns and staff, and the main supplier of bagels/cream cheese for all souls at the UCDMC CAARE Center.View Author posts