9 Signs You’re Not In Love With Your Partner

signs youre not in love with partner

3. You want a ‘perfect’ partner

You seek perfection from your partner as you are unable to accept them for who they are. This isn’t loving, but lust. When you are infatuated with someone, you want them to be perfect so that you can show them off as a prize to boost your social status. When they fail to meet your expectations, you become irritated, annoyed, displeased, and angry with them, leading to toxic arguments. Projecting your wishes, fantasies, or wants onto them is a recipe for disaster.

Love, on the other hand, is built on acceptance and understanding. Love makes you see the beauty inside your partner regardless of their many flaws. When you are in love, you accept them just as they are without wanting to change them. You don’t pressurize them to be a certain way and want to be with them even at their worst.

4. There is a distance you can’t fill

You know you are not in love, when you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner which is mostly because you feel uncomfortable around them. You talk, but you never communicate with them. Your conversations feel mundane and transactional. Either you or your partner is emotionally unavailable and the other usually doesn’t care much about such behavior.

You seem to have grown apart over time and that initial spark has faded. You prefer to spend your time either with your friends or by yourself instead of being with your partner. You don’t really go out on dates anymore and you make excuses to avoid them at times.

But love doesn’t make excuses. When you’re in love, you’re never too busy for your partner. In fact, you will make time to be there for them. No obstacles or excuses can keep you apart from the person you love.

Yes, there are challenges in love, but the distance doesn’t exist here. People in love know how to overcome challenges, seek new adventures and experiences, move towards commitment and grow together. So if you’re making excuses to avoid your partner, then you are probably not in love.

Related: 3 Tips for Finding the Perfect Partner for You

5. You don’t think about them

Your partner isn’t really on your mind most of the time. Although it’s not necessary to think about them all the time, it can be a problem when they don’t cross your mind at all on a daily basis. You don’t feel like knowing what your partner is doing, where or how they are, or wish to be with them. You don’t really care about what they are up to as you are more invested in your own life. If you barely think about the person you claim to love, then it isn’t really love. 

When we are in love, we feel a little attached to our partner and worry about them. We think about them from time to time as they are an important part of our lives. It’s not necessary that you daydream about them all the time, but you miss them throughout your day. You bring them up in conversation at times.

Even though you want to spend time with your friends and enjoy some alone time, you still look forward to spending time with your special person. If you don’t miss them during your day despite being busy, then you aren’t in love.

6. You feel stressed & anxious

Your relationship feels heavy and leads to more negative and difficult feelings than positive ones. Instead of feeling better being with the right person, you feel stressed out, on edge, and riddled with anxiety.

As you are easily annoyed and displeased with them, the relationship feels like a burden. As you feel confused and awful, anxiety engulfs you. You have a gut feeling that they are wrong for you or you can’t trust them. These can even manifest physically and lead to stomach pain, insomnia, fatigue & other physical ailments.

Love isn’t supposed to feel like this. Love isn’t painful or full of drama. Love shouldn’t feel forced. Love is full of passion, madness, satisfaction, and inner peace. It makes you feel happy and excited whenever you are with them, even if you disagree at times. Love and stress don’t go together. If your intuition is telling you that this relationship is wrong for you, then it probably is.

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Theo Harrison

Hey there! I am just someone trying to find my way through life. I am a reader, writer, traveler, fighter, philosopher, artist and all around nice guy. I am outdoor person but heavily into technology, science, psychology, spiritualism, Buddhism, martial arts and horror films. I believe in positive action more than positive thinking.View Author posts