9 Signs You Are Not In Love With Your Partner

Love is probably one of the best things life throws at us, but let’s be real—being in love and just having a relationship is different. Feeling a bit iffy about your emotions? Here’s a cheat sheet on the signs you are not in love and it’s just a passing crush.

This is why we are always looking for someone we can share our life with. Someone who will accept and love us for who we are, despite our flaws and imperfections. Someone we can grow with sharing the best and worst moments of our lives.

Love drives us to commit to someone and be in a relationship even though the ride may be bumpy at times. Love demands that we are patient, compassionate, understanding, and supportive. Love requires that we have the strength to let go of the person we love when it’s time.

Related: When Your Partner Loves You, But They’re Not In Love With You

Is It Love Or Something Else? How To Know If You’re Not In Love?

What do you feel when you are with your partner?

Do you feel excited? Do you feel anxious? Or do you feel calm and peaceful? How your partner makes you feel can often be an indicator of whether you are in love or simply infatuated with them.

Our need for seeking love can often make us desperate and even afraid of being lonely. This can make us confuse lust with love. Being in love and being in a relationship are two different things. We can be in a relationship with someone we do not love.

Although your relationship may feel euphoric initially, soon you may realize this may not be love after all. Sometimes, the difference between love and infatuation can be hard to see even though you may feel it inside.

Confused?

In this article, we are going to talk about some of the warning signs you are not in love… Now let’s take a look at some signs it’s not love, but infatuation.

9 Signs You Are Not In Love With Someone

1. Things move fast in your relationship

One of the signs you’re not in 9 Signs You Are Not In Love With Your Partner yet is that you’ve known each other only for a short period, yet you feel an intense attraction towards them. You just know that they are THE ONE. But love at first sight often means infatuation at first sight. 

Infatuation is instant and quick. True love, however, takes time to grow. 

If you barely know your partner yet feel like spending most of your time with them there’s a good chance you are not in love with them. Infatuation results in chemical reactions in the brain releasing Norepinephrine and Dopamine which make you feel good and excited. 

Love grows gradually and you feel increasingly connected with each other when you know more about them. Love may be slow, but it makes up for it through genuine emotions, caring, shared memories, values, common goals, and authenticity.

Related: Is it Love or Just Lust? This Is How To Tell

2. You feel uncomfortable around your partner

You don’t feel confident enough to share your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings with your partner as you feel self-conscious about how you portray yourself.

You either feel like you don’t deserve them or you are trapped in a cage. You build a wall around yourself and stop yourself from revealing all your secrets to them.

When you’re in love, however, you feel completely comfortable around them. You are not afraid of revealing your most authentic self as you know that despite your imperfections, your partner will still love and appreciate you.

Love doesn’t make you feel ashamed of being how you truly are as love is free of judgment and criticism.

3. You want a ‘perfect’ partner

One of the signs you are not in love with someone is that you seek perfection from them as you are unable to accept them for who they are. This isn’t loving, but lust. When you are infatuated with someone, you want them to be perfect so that you can show them off as a prize to boost your social status.

When they fail to meet your expectations, you become irritated, annoyed, displeased, and angry with them, leading to toxic arguments. Projecting your wishes, fantasies, or wants onto them is a recipe for disaster.

Love, on the other hand, is built on acceptance and understanding. Love makes you see the beauty inside your partner regardless of their many flaws. When you are in love, you accept them just as they are without wanting to change them. You don’t pressurize them to be a certain way and want to be with them even at their worst.

4. There is a distance you can’t fill

You know you are not in love, when you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner which is mostly because you feel uncomfortable around them. You talk, but you never communicate with them.

Your conversations feel mundane and transactional. Either you or your partner is emotionally unavailable and the other usually doesn’t care much about such behavior.

You seem to have grown apart over time and that initial spark has faded. You prefer to spend your time either with your friends or by yourself instead of being with your partner. You don’t really go out on dates anymore and you make excuses to avoid them at times.

But love doesn’t make excuses. When you’re in love, you’re never too busy for your partner. In fact, you will make time to be there for them. No obstacles or excuses can keep you apart from the person you love.

Yes, there are challenges in love, but the distance doesn’t exist here. People in love know how to overcome challenges, seek new adventures and experiences, move towards commitment and grow together. So if you’re making excuses to avoid your partner, then you are probably not in love.

Related: 3 Tips for Finding the Perfect Partner for You

5. You don’t think about them

Your partner isn’t really on your mind most of the time. Although it’s not necessary to think about them all the time, it can be a problem when they don’t cross your mind at all on a daily basis.

You don’t feel like knowing what your partner is doing, where or how they are, or wish to be with them. You don’t really care about what they are up to as you are more invested in your own life. If you barely think about the person you claim to love, then it isn’t really love. 

When we are in love, we feel a little attached to our partner and worry about them. We think about them from time to time as they are an important part of our lives.

It’s not necessary that you daydream about them all the time, but you miss them throughout your day. You bring them up in conversation at times.

Even though you want to spend time with your friends and enjoy some alone time, you still look forward to spending time with your special person. If you don’t miss them during your day despite being busy, then you aren’t in love.

6. You feel stressed & anxious

Your relationship feels heavy and leads to more negative and difficult feelings than positive ones. Instead of feeling better being with the right person, you feel stressed out, on edge, and riddled with anxiety.

As you are easily annoyed and displeased with them, the relationship feels like a burden. As you feel confused and awful, anxiety engulfs you. You have a gut feeling that they are wrong for you or you can’t trust them. These can even manifest physically and lead to stomach pain, insomnia, fatigue & other physical ailments.

Love isn’t supposed to feel like this. Love isn’t painful or full of drama. Love shouldn’t feel forced. Love is full of passion, madness, satisfaction, and inner peace.

It makes you feel happy and excited whenever you are with them, even if you disagree at times. Love and stress don’t go together. If your intuition is telling you that this relationship is wrong for you, then it probably is.

7. Your relationship is meaningless

Being with your partner feels like an uphill battle on a daily basis. The relationship feels forced and shallow. It lacks any meaning or depth.

Neither of you feels like putting in an effort to strengthen your relationship. Everything about the relationship feels superficial and you feel like you don’t even know your partner that well.

Deep, unconditional love can never feel superficial. True love has many layers that you peel away with every emotion, experience, and moment you share with each other. And once you reach the core, you can find a renewed sense of purpose in life and feel a real connection. Love can add meaning to your life and inspire you to be better.

8. You are looking for options

One of the signs you’re not in love is that you don’t see a future with them or you’re not ready for commitment, then it probably isn’t love. You check out other options and feel attracted to others. You may even fantasize about other people. You haven’t deleted the dating apps on your smartphone as you want to keep your options open.

Although you may feel guilty, you think about cheating on your partner and the thought seems intriguing and thrilling.

When you’re in love, your partner is the only person on your mind. Yes, it’s okay to look at attractive people, but when you start fantasizing about them, then there’s a problem. Love thrives on loyalty and faithfulness.

It is honest and pure even on the worst days. Love doesn’t make you feel insecure, guilty, or thrilled about indulging in infidelity. If you are looking for other options, then you are unsatisfied and unhappy in your relationship. Cowards cheat. Lovers walk away.

Related: When Your Partner Loves You, But They’re Not In Love With You

9. Leaving is easy

Lastly, one of the signs it’s not love is that the thought of breaking up with them seems easy. When you have used no contact, silent treatment, or even ghosting in your relationship without taking any damage, then you’re in the relationship because you’re afraid of being alone.

It is easy for you to stay away, forget, or even walk away from your partner. Breaking up and moving on is an effortless decision for you and you feel that a better option is waiting for you.

However, it can be difficult to walk away from true love. Breaking up can feel devastating and it can affect you personally. When you are in love, relationships can last a lifetime.

But as love offers no guarantee, breaking up is a real possibility. And if the thought of losing your partner doesn’t make you feel scared, then you’re not in love.

So are you in love with your partner? Or are you in love with the idea of being in love? If you can relate to any of these signs, then it’s time for you to take notice.

We would love to know about your thoughts and experiences with true love and relationships. So feel free to share your opinions below.