Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and it felt like they were accusing you of things that didn’t seem like you? It’s as if they’re dumping their own issues on you, leaving you scratching your head, wondering what is happening. Well, this is just one of the many signs someone is projecting their emotional baggage on you.
You’re gradually realizing that you are being blamed for things that’re not your fault at all. You are being accused to be the kind of person you are not. It’s as though they’re running their private movie theater, and you’ve become their projection screen.
But before we get into the signs someone is projecting onto you, let’s first try to understand what is projection.
Related: How Paranoid People Use Projection As A Defense Mechanism
What Is Projection?
Imagine you’re sitting in a theater, enjoying some popcorn, completely engrossed in the movie. All of a sudden, the characters begin to do things completely unrelated to the plot.
Well, that’s projection, only it happens in real life. When people project their issues onto you, they act like the directors of their own dramas, and make you the main character without your consent.
It seems as if they offload their hang-ups, worries, and unresolved issues onto you, and then pretend as if that’s how YOU feel! You’re forced to shoulder the burden of their emotional baggage. What a wild ride, right?
Okay, now that we have talked about what is projection, let’s find out more about what causes psychological projection.
What Causes Psychological Projection?
- Emotional Hot Potato: At times, some people can’t deal with their own intense feelings, and they end up dumping those feelings on you because it’s easier than facing them.
- Blame Game: This is similar like the previous one, but it’s about blame. They are incapable of accepting their faults, so they point fingers at others instead.
- Insecurity Alarm Bells: Deep down inside, they are extremely insecure about themselves, which leads them to project their fears and insecurities on you, to feel better temporarily.
- Mirror, Mirror: When they notice qualities or actions in you that are actually theirs, they don’t admit it. Rather, they turn the tables and suggest you’re the one with those traits.
- Ego Protection: They sling their faults onto you as a defense mechanism. It’s similar to putting up a wall to avoid seeing their faults and drawbacks.
- Emotional Baggage Overflow: What causes psychological projection? This! Unresolved past experiences and traumas can lead to projection as a way to cope with the pain they’re carrying.
- Control Freaks: Some people have an intense need for controlling others, and that’s why they use projection. They do this to show their authority and dominance.
- Fear Factor: Fear can trigger projection, as it allows them to distance themselves from their fears by projecting them onto someone else.
- Emotional Displacement: Sometimes, they may harbor negative feelings for someone else, but there’s now way they can let it out. So it’s safer to project onto you, because chances are there won’t be any consequences.
- Unconscious Defense Mechanism: Projection can happen unconsciously, as a defense mechanism to protect their self-image and avoid confronting their own issues.
Now that we know what causes psychological projection, let’s talk about the signs someone is projecting onto you.
7 Signs Someone Is Projecting Their Issues On You
1. They invent their own version of reality.
This is probably one of the most obvious signs someone is projecting onto you.
Whenever you try to have a conversation with them, they’ll only hear what they expect or wish to hear, not what you’re actually trying to say. They take certain things you say and twist them into something entirely different, so that it suits their narrative.
Even if you’re a very laidback person, they will accuse you to be fussy because that’s the type of person they are or have dealt with before. For instance, no matter how regularly you assure them you’re “fine,” they will stubbornly believe you’re not.
Related: Narcissistic Projection: 6 Things You Should Know About This
2. They are always playing the victim.
Blaming others is a popular game for those who are experts at projecting. In their eyes, they can do no wrong, and it’s always your fault. Do you think they are confrontational and difficult to deal with? Well, you are like that, not them!
For example, you’re trying to explain why you’re upset. Instead of listening to you with an open mind, they’ll manipulate the conversation, and make it look like you’ve wronged them instead.
They even concoct stories out of thin air to justify their stance as the aggrieved party. This lets them bask in self-sympathy and also point the finger at you for their distress.
3. They are experts at overreacting.
When someone has been deeply hurt or even scarred by a past relationship, they might react too strongly to certain words or actions from you, especially if these touch on their past wounds.
Psychologists call these sensitive spots “triggers.” It’s a common response for humans, but it can do serious damage to your relationship. Even though you are not intentionally hurting them, they might still get affected heavily and overreact to the smallest of things.
In such situations, they might project their unresolved issues and emotions on you, and expect you to be take accountability for their pain.
4. They exhibit absolutely nonsensical behavior sometimes.
One of the biggest signs someone is projecting onto you is this. They will dump their feelings on you because they live in their own little world; logic won’t get through to them or force them to face reality.
They might not even realize that THEIR behavior is the problem, not yours. They will remain blissfully oblivious. Those likely to project will act in ways that just don’t add up. No matter how outlandish their claims might be, they’ll cling to their version of the story until the bitter end.
5. They are constantly playing the blame game.
If someone keeps throwing the same accusations at you or someone close to you, it’s very clear that they are projecting their unsaid emotions on you.
It’s a fact, some folks will try to mess with your head by shifting their feelings on you, in the hopes that you’ll feel sorry for them, and stick around forever. You become an easy mark for them this way, because you are not just trying to understand their POVs, you are also hella confused about everything’s that’s going on.
Related: Is It Me Or Them? 3 Signs Someone Is Projecting Insecurities Onto You
6. They fear that their history will repeat itself.
No matter how much they may desire you or even love you, they will stick to the idea that the relationship you have with them will end up like the ones before you. Since they have several unresolved issues and failed relationships in the past, they continue to bleed through in this current situation.
If they’ve cheated on their previous partners, they might constantly express fears of you doing the same only because it’s what they did themselves.
7. They spend too much time discussing their exes.
It is normal and even healthy to talk about old relationships – but up to a certain extent. It’s good to know where your partner has come from and the experiences they had in their past romantic relationships, but constantly talking about your exes is not normal.
When you realize that they seem obsessed with their previous relationships, you will realize that they might not have moved on from them, and are still stuck in the past. This is one of the major signs someone is projecting their feelings and thoughts on you.
Now that we know the signs someone is projecting, let’s talk about what to do when someone is projecting onto you.
What To Do When Someone Is Projecting Onto You?
Dealing with projection is like handling a hot potato – no one wants to get burned! If you’re getting fed up of being on the other side of projection, then try to see yourself from their eyes and try and find out where their actions are stemming from.
Sometimes, there can be many deep-seated reasons behind psychological projection, like personal struggles or traumatic experiences. Being empathetic can help you respond compassionately rather than defensively.
At the same time, do not let someone else’s projection dictate how you feel about yourself. Learn to understand when someone else’s problem is being dumped on you and establish healthy, strict boundaries.
You do not have to absorb their negativity or take responsibility for their emotions. Stick to your own truth and take a stand for yourself, whenever things start to feel like too much.
Related: Why Do Narcissists Project Their Wounds Onto You?
If you notice any of these signs someone is projecting onto you, then you know what you need to do to handle it. Do let us know your thoughts in the comments down below!
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