From presidents to movie stars, from billionaires to an ordinary Joe (or Jane), all have at times or the other either thought about cheating on their spouses or even worse, acted on their straying impulse. While lusting over a secret crush in imagination is quite common, infidelity has some grim and serious consequences. If you are suspecting your life partner is seeing someone behind your back, watch out for these subtle signs of a cheating spouse.
Although extramarital sex is still widely considered unacceptable and even unforgivable in even the most liberal cultures, a study showed 23.2% of men and 19.2% of women who were in a monogamous relationship, have engaged in extradyadic sexual encounters that had the potential to harm or end their committed relationship. This startling fact brings us back to the question; what are the signs of cheating? Let’s have a look.
13 Signs Of A Cheating Spouse
Ignorance is not always a blessing and especially in the case of extramarital liaisons, the wronged partner often finds out when it’s too late and the relationship is no more salvageable. That is why identifying the subtle signs of cheating can prove to be a deciding factor in a marriage.
Related: Surviving Infidelity Together: 5 Ways Couples Can Move On From The Pain
1. Conceited Much?
Suddenly your spouse has started taking care of their personal appearance. They are spending a lot of time at the gym or buying new clothes and accessories to go with their sculpted body. They have become aware of their looks, what they eat, what they wear, and none of these seems to be for your attention or admiration. These are often signs of a cheating spouse or a partner who is about to commit infidelity.
2. Money Matters
Cheating spouses normally prefer to use cash, as it doesn’t leave an electronic trail. Watch out if they are making too many trips to the ATMs or taking out cash from their bank accounts. Also, in addition to splurging over their appearances, if they are spending a lot on things that they can’t or won’t explain, it should ring an alarm. These types of unexplained money management are sometimes signs of cheating.
3. Going AWOL
So they can’t explain where they spent their money, and on top of that, they are quite fishy about their whereabouts. You feel like a CIA agent every time you ask them a simple question like where they went after work or what they ate for lunch. A cheating spouse will always be evasive and try to avoid your queries.
Related: Does an Affair Mean the End of A Relationship? How To Recover from Infidelity
4. No More Spark
Has the spark fizzled out in the bedroom? A cheating spouse is most likely to show less erotic interest in their partners. If you find them devoting hours on the definition of their abs or arm muscles and yet they are no longer passionate about you, you have reason to worry about. The lack of chemistry does not remain confined between the sheets. In your daily life too, your spouse stops paying you any attention, doesn’t show any affection or care, and simply stonewalls you when you try to communicate with them.
5. Flying Off The Handle
While marital disputes can often lead to illegitimate affairs, fights between a couple can also be a clue to a straying partner. When the lack of love and care turns into sudden fits of rage and ugly fights, mostly initiated from their end, you might want to reconsider your living situation. Frequent outbursts, quarrels, and violence are often red flags that no one should ignore. Make your safety a priority and try to seek help and support in order to navigate such critical situations.
6. A Few Too Many
According to research, binge drinking or the recreational use of drugs such as Marijuana, etc. have often been linked with infidelity. Substance abuse can be a cause as well as an effect of a partner straying outside the wedlock. If you have a drinking problem or if your spouse has suddenly started smoking joints, know that all is not well. You might want to get to the root of the problem before it’s too late for both of you.
7. Ancient History Or Is It?
They say once a cheater, always a cheater and maybe this statement does have some merit. Research suggests that individuals who had extradyadic relationships in their past tend to show greater possibilities of engaging in extramarital relationships. If your partner cheated on you in the past or cheated with you on their ex-partner, chances are they will repeat this behavioral pattern in the future.
Related: Letting Go Of Someone You Love After Infidelity
8. The Blame Game
Sometimes a cheating spouse accuses their partner of cheating. There are a few reasons behind this aggressive behavior. Firstly they project their insecurities onto their partner. Secondly, as they are getting off even after cheating, they can’t help but wonder whether their partners are also doing the same thing. Another reason is they put up a defense shield and feed a false narrative that they will never commit such an act. When you are too busy trying to prove your honesty, you will spend little time wondering about theirs.
9. Changed For Better?
If all of a sudden your husband or wife starts showering you with attention or gets you gifts without any occasion, and stops bothering about stuff they used to dislike about your relationship, there is trouble brewing. Most probably they are having a secret affair and doing everything in their power to keep you in the dark.
10. Stories That Never Add Up
Another sign of cheating is concocted stories that never add up. They will give you excuses for their absence but something will never make sense. The sudden work trips, the late-night drinking with friends, increasing hours at the gym or office, all stories will have plotholes and you will know in your guts that something is surely wrong.
11. Keeping Tabs
A cheating spouse will try to keep tabs on your movements. They will always know where you are and when are you getting back home. They will suddenly become controlling and over-involved in your daily affairs. As long as they know your whereabouts, it will be easier for them to plan their secret rendezvous.
12. Keeping Secrets
Although they will know every move of yours, you will not be given a single nugget of intel about them. They will not share their password with you, they will refuse to use shared devices, they will become private with their phones and computers. You will feel like a total outsider because your spouse will try to keep their secret life secret.
Related: 5 Things To Remember If You Think Your Partner Is Having An Affair
The 13th Ghost: Technology
In today’s world, every aspect of our lives is ruled by technology, especially communication. You might want to watch out for these tech signs of infidelity:
- Mails with inappropriate photos or videos.
- Late-night messages or calls.
- Secret photos embedded in seemingly innocent media files.
- Discontinuing Cloud Backup
- A secret phone or phone with a password.
- Deleted browser history.
Choose Serenity
All these signs of cheating are not exclusive to one another. Let us be clear here, all these clues are not meant to send you off to paranoia and make you see things that aren’t there. There can be alternate and valid reasons for one or more of these signs. Only if you have been feeling something wrong in your relationship, take these signs of cheating as a guide to know the entire truth.
Related: Can You Ever Affair-Proof Your Relationship
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