Relationships and Self Love: Being in a relationship, especially a happy one, can feel amazing. And this is where you can start avoiding yourself by focusing more on the relationship. However, for your relationship to be healthy, you need to love yourself as much as you love your partner. Strong self-esteem can lead to a strong relationship. But how can you love yourself while in a relationship?
“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.” – Barbara De Angelis
Sometimes we may forget to love ourselves when we’re in a committed relationship. It can be seductive to think that when we met our other half, we can stop working on ourselves while the opposite is true.
The quality of relationships correlates with the relationship you have with yourself.
When we’re in a relationship, we still need to maintain a loving relationship with ourselves because this is the stepping stone to an equal partnership.
The line between self-love and dependency can be sometimes blurred. When we’re too close to someone, we may not recognize that we act disrespectfully toward ourselves. Thus I share with you 9 signs that tell you that you maintain a healthy balance between you and your partner.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Gautama Buddha
Relationships and Self Love: 9 Self-Love Rules In A Healthy Relationship
1. Be there for yourself.
You know how much you love yourself when you’re there for yourself. No matter what. You support your dreams, stay focused on your priorities, and also forgive yourself for making the wrong decision.
After all, life is but a lesson. If your other half doesn’t believe in your dreams (and you want to stay with them despite this), then it doesn’t throw you off the track.
You know that life is short and that you’re on a mission to become the best version of yourself. Thus no one can stop you. You give yourself all the support and time you possibly need to pursue your dreams.
2. Stay balanced.
Finding inner balance is one of the most liberating things in life. It comes with age or a healthy detachment from life situations. Staying balanced means that you don’t start drifting in your life based on what your partner wants.
You can be in the middle of an argument, yet you recognize that it’s just a temporary situation and that you both might have blinders on. You stay calm and don’t let the quarrel settle in your heart.
“Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy.” – Wayne Dyer
3. You’re open-minded and flexible.
When you love yourself, you’re always on a track of self-development and inner growth. Sometimes this means leaving someone who is continually hurting you or you outgrow them. You know that you don’t need to stay in a relationship out of obligation or fear.
Hence you don’t put blinders on to support what you want to see, but you have eyes wide open and see through illusions.
4. You steadily grow into your potential.
A person who loves themselves knows that they were born to make amazing things happen. A fulfilling life can’t be found on the surface.
Thus you’re committed to knowing your true self, and as a result of it, you grow into your potential. It doesn’t matter whether your partner is on the same page as you because you believe in a deeper meaning of life and thus nothing can stop you.
“Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.” Thaddeus Golas
5. You’re whole.
Since you’re 100%, you don’t need anyone to fulfill you. Your partner is just a cherry on the top, but you don’t need them. Although you love to share your life and yourself with them, you know that you feel great about yourself too.
Thus you enjoy moments when you’re recharging the batteries or going on the trips alone. Just as it’s essential to have common hobbies, you realize that it’s also vital to devote some time to your craft.
Read: This Is Your Reminder That You Are Whole On Your Own
6. You have integrity.
Integrity comes from respecting your core values and having a sense of honesty. There is no one for whom you’d divert from what you firmly believe. Even if your partner has different perspectives on specific subjects, you speak and act in alignment with your conscience. A self-loving person doesn’t try to buy someone’s love by bending their inner values.
“A man who loves himself takes the first step towards real love.” – Osho
7. You do what’s best for you.
Although you’re in a committed relationship and you work as a team, sometimes you need to decide whether you do what’s best for you or you sabotage your happiness.
Admittedly, there might not be many such situations, but if they come, you know that you need to allow yourself to do what is in alignment with your heart and soul.
Maybe your partner wants you to move to another country or stay in a job that you don’t like. But you remember that your inner growth is a priority so at the end of the day you do what works for you.
8. There is no codependency.
Codependency doesn’t belong in your life because the same way you respect yourself, you also treat others.
Your philosophy is that you trust your partner and if they undermine your trust then you’ll do what your heart asks you to do. But otherwise, you give them complete freedom, and thus you’re also free to do what you want.
Another face of codependency is making them your external source of validation. But you recognize the fact that everything you need is within you. Hence you don’t need to change to deserve their love.
“Love yourself or no one else will.” – unknown
9. You don’t stay in an abusive relationship.
An abusive relationship can take different forms. Sometimes it’s apparent, as in a case of home violence, but other times it might not be so easy to tell.
As a self-loving person, you’re cautious about the subtler forms of mental and emotional abuse. You can see when your partner controls or manipulates you and you put a definite stop sign on such behavior.
Here’s an interesting video that you may find helpful:
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” – Oscar Wilde
It can be exciting to be in love with someone who understands, supports, and loves you. However, it is crucial that you maintain your self-identity in the relationship. Having an open discussion with your partner can help you to nurture yourself, your partner, and your relationship.
The key to building a healthy relationship is to focus on yourself as well as your partner without getting lost in the relationship. Loving yourself will enable you to be more understanding and loving as a partner.
Read: Osho on the Concept of Love and Self Love – some of his deepest Teachings
Written By Sylvia Salow
Originally Appeared In sylviasalow.com
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How does self-love lead to healthy relationships?
Self-love helps you to make better decisions in life. When you are able to accept and embrace your emotions, you will be able to nurture your relationships in a great way. When you love yourself, you will be able to be more present and loving towards your partner.
Can you be in a relationship without self-love?
You can be in a relationship without self-love, but it’s highly unlikely that it will be a healthy one. When you love yourself, you know what boundaries to set for yourself and what do you want from a relationship. For a relationship to work, you need to let go of insecurities and that cannot be possible when you’re not happy with yourself.
What is the key to self-love?
Accepting yourself for what you are is the key to self-love. Let go of anything that is not serving you and holding you back. Remember your worth doesn’t depend on how you look and how others perceive you.
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