I tried to work with him to address the systemic issues that I could see around his work but to no avail. And I started to worry that becoming attached to this man might challenge me financially.
So, if your person has a problem with holding a job, tread carefully. Of course, times are tough now with Covid and the economy but if this has been happening for a while, it is definitely a red flag!
4. They drink too much.
Of course, many of us drink, especially when we are early into a relationship. There is nothing more fun than sharing a few adult beverages as we have those long talks about our hopes and dreams. That being said, if your person regularly has more than a few drinks in the course of an evening, this is definitely a red flag.
People with drinking problems are people to stay away from if you want to be in a healthy relationship. People who drink too much can be physically unhealthy, financially unsound, struggle with relationships and job security. They can be impulsive and prone to burst of extreme emotion. They can be abusive when angered and inconsistent with their behavior.
Furthermore, people who drink struggle with emotional connection, the key to a healthy relationship.
My ex was an alcoholic and while he was good at being physically affectionate feeling an emotional connection with him was difficult. He had started drinking when he was 15 as a way to cope with his relationship with his mother (Red Flag #1) He never had a chance to develop emotionally and therefore was unavailable for real connection. He went from woman to woman, cheating on each of them (Red Flag #2).
I tried and tried to have a healthy relationship with him but I couldn’t do it alone. He wouldn’t stop drinking and I was unhappy. I had ignored that red flag at the beginning of our relationship and wished I hadn’t.
5. They are inconsistent with their attention.
Do you have a person who comes and goes? Someone who texts for hours at a time and then who disappears for days?
Does she proclaim her love and then hang out with other men?
Does he tell you that he needs ‘time’ and walk away, only to return days or weeks or months later, professing his love? And then he leaves again.
People who care about people are consistent with their attentions. Why? Because they want to be. They want to show their person they care about them, they want to spend time with them, they want them to feel safe and to know that they will never abandon them. They want to make sure their person knows they love them.
So, if your person is coming and going, whether it’s electronically or in person, that is a huge red flag that you should not ignore if you want a healthy relationship. Don’t think that if you just love them enough, if you just stick around long enough, they will suddenly realize they are madly in love with you and stay put. They won’t.
Ignoring red flags is the best way to sabotage things if you want a healthy relationship.
Related: 15 Red Flags Of Manipulative People
I know that you really want things to work out because you are kissing a lot of frogs and you just want one to stick. But don’t!
If you waste even one more minute on someone with bright red flags you are wasting time that you could be spending finding someone who doesn’t have red flags, someone who could make you happy and give you the healthy relationship that you want!
So walk away, you can do it!
If you have made it this far you must really want a healthy relationship. Let me help you, NOW, before you waste any more time. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, or click here, and let’s get started.
Written By Mitzi Bockmann Originally Appeared In Let Your Dreams Begin