Do you want, a healthy relationship? Is the idea of building a life with something you are actively seeking? Have you been burned in the past and not sure why? Do you want to do things differently this time around? If so, you should definitely make sure that you don’t ignore those red flags.
Red flags are those little things that you see when you are in a new relationship, things that make you pause and say ‘hmmm.’ Things that make you question whether this person is the right person for you. Things that are scary because you so want this relationship to work.
Unfortunately, because we do want this relationship to work, we often ignore red flags. We ignore the warning signs that present themselves to us that signal this might not the right person for us. We hope that perhaps the red flags aren’t a big deal, that this person could change, that we can live with them because other things are good.
If you want a healthy relationship, ignoring red flags is the best way to ensure that you won’t get it. Ignoring red flags will keep you in an unhealthy relationship and keep you from finding the love that you want.
Here are 5 red flags that you should never ignore if you want a healthy relationship.
1. They don’t get along with their family.
If you want a healthy relationship, a huge red flag is someone who doesn’t get along with their family.
Of course, many of us struggle with our family. Just because they are family, it doesn’t mean everyone can get along and that is fine. But if your person has been estranged from their family, if they have a toxic relationship with their parents, if their kids don’t talk to them, then your person might not be capable of having a healthy relationship.
I know that many of us think that, if we just love someone enough, we can help them heal from the pain caused by their family so that they can be happy. And yes, it is possible to help someone feel loved but they are most likely deeply damaged and might have a hard time emotionally connecting.
2. They cheat.
I have a client whose new boyfriend had been a habitual cheater. He cheated on everyone he had ever dated and had sex with multiple lovers in the bed he shared with his wife. My client met him soon after he got divorced and fell madly in love with him.
She believed that he had changed. That he loved her so much that he would never cheat again. And then, he did. Over and over and over.
If your person is a habitual cheater, they most likely will continue to be. Even if they love you madly and you have lots of sex, a person who cheats does so for a variety of reasons, reasons that aren’t going to just disappear without some help.
If your person has cheated on their ex, be careful. If they have been a habitual cheater, run away as fast as you can.
3. They can’t hold a job.
When I met my ex, I remember stalking him on LinkedIn. There I learned that he had been in 4 different jobs in 5 years. I remember thinking that that looked like an issue but I chose to ignore it. I was a life coach. If he was struggling with job security then I would be able to help him, after all.
Of course, job security became a big issue. That he had lost so many jobs made him incredibly insecure. He was in a ton of debt trying to keep up with the lifestyle that he wanted to give his family. He had no confidence that he could do this job, or any job.