If you are the other woman, it has always been empty dreams and false promises for you, and in all likelihood, it will remain that way only. You may want to take a few steps back and make the decision to finally let go of him. Understanding why he won’t leave his wife but still, he won’t let you go either can help you to truly assess your situation. Here are the reasons why your married man won’t let you go.
If you are reading this article I am guessing that you are miserable, that your married man stayed with his wife but won’t let you go.
I am guessing that you have spent months, years, maybe even decades, believing that he would do what he said he would do and leave his wife. And now you know for sure – he isn’t going to do it.
But I am guessing the most painful part of it is that he won’t let you go. That, in spite of the fact that he has made you promises that he has broken and that he has chosen his wife over you, he won’t let you go. It sucks.
5 Reasons Your Married Man Won’t Let You Go
The question you are most probably asking is ‘why?’ Why won’t he just let you go so that you get on with your life? Let me tell you why your married man stayed with his wife but won’t let you go nonetheless.
1. You give him pleasure.
One of the reasons that you and your married guy got together in the first place was because of the pleasure that you gave each other.
Most likely, your married guy was in an unhappy marriage and when he met you he found the happiness that he wasn’t getting at home. And you were probably so thrilled to find a man who finally got you that you were willing to take a risk, even though he was married.
And now, how many months, years, or decades later, while you might be mostly miserable because of his broken promises, he still gets pleasure from being with you.
You are a break from the routine of this life. When you aren’t fighting about why he won’t leave his wife, you still laugh together. The sex is great because of all the drama. And I am guessing that you take care of him – which he loves.
If he lets you go, your married man will lose that pleasure. He will lose having someone in his life who is willing to fight for him, to care for him. And he needs that. Desperately.
Be honest with yourself. Is what I have said above true? Do you have a lot of miserable nights but are you still very much getting pleasure from each other’s company when things are good? I am guessing so.
Why would he let that go?
2. He is still miserable.
I have a client who, after one and a half years of hoping that her married man would leave his wife, finally walked away. She just couldn’t take it anymore. And she was determined to not take him back.
And he freaked out! He was back with his wife but he was still miserable. Nothing had changed. They stayed together for the children or the finances or maybe even to work on the marriage, but the reality is is that, even if a couple is working on a marriage, the going will be rough.
And guys don’t like rough. They like to have their paths smooth and easy because a rough one is exhausting.
My client did manage to walk away, finally. And she never talked to her married guy again. But she does occasionally stalk him on social media and see the pictures that he posts of him and his wife, ‘having fun’ together.
They look happy but she can still see in his eyes that he is miserable. It makes her want to go back and take care of him because she still loves him, but she knows that, while he might still love her, he would merely be using her to make himself feel better in his world.
We all know what it’s like to be in an unhappy relationship and the prospect of finding happiness again without doing the hard work of fixing it is irresistible. Unfortunately, the band-aid of an affair is only a stop-gap, a way to get your emotional needs tended to without doing the hard work.
And the prospect of having that band-aid fall off permanently is the reason that your married man stayed with his wife but won’t let you go
3. He is jealous.
Again, your man is most likely miserable now that he has stayed with his wife. Even if they are going to therapy, their journey is a long one and one that he is, most likely, dreading.
For you, however, the sky is the limit. If you can let go of your married guy, yes you will have to start dating again, but the opportunity to actually be happy, to get your life back, to rebuild your self-esteem, and find love again, is yours for the taking. And the idea of that makes him crazy!
A client of mine, after finally being able to let go of her married guy, jumped into building a business for herself as a way to fill the hole left by his absence. As she built her business she reconnected with old friends, traveled, exercised, and got a dog.
As her business grew and she didn’t have to spend every waking hour obsessing about her guy, her self-esteem flourished. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel like second best. She didn’t feel abandoned.