5 Reasons He Won’t Leave His Wife But Won’t Let You Go

 / 

, ,
Reasons He Wont Leave His Wife

If you are the other woman, it has always been empty dreams and false promises for you, and in all likelihood, it will remain that way only. You may want to take a few steps back and make the decision to finally let go of him. Understanding why he won’t leave his wife but still, he won’t let you go either can help you to truly assess your situation. Here are the reasons why your married man won’t let you go.

If you are reading this article I am guessing that you are miserable, that your married man stayed with his wife but won’t let you go.

I am guessing that you have spent months, years, maybe even decades, believing that he would do what he said he would do and leave his wife. And now you know for sure – he isn’t going to do it.

But I am guessing the most painful part of it is that he won’t let you go. That, in spite of the fact that he has made you promises that he has broken and that he has chosen his wife over you, he won’t let you go. It sucks.

5 Reasons Your Married Man Won’t Let You Go

When your married man when let you go

The question you are most probably asking is Why he won’t leave his wife but won’t let me go, so that you get on with your life. Right? Let me tell you why your married man stayed with his wife but won’t let you go nonetheless.

1. You give him pleasure.

One of the reasons that you and your married guy got together in the first place was because of the pleasure that you gave each other.

Most likely, your married guy was in an unhappy marriage and when he met you he found the happiness that he wasn’t getting at home. And you were probably so thrilled to find a man who finally got you that you were willing to take a risk, even though he was married.

And now, how many months, years, or decades later, while you might be mostly miserable because of his broken promises, he still gets pleasure from being with you.

You are a break from the routine of this life. When you aren’t fighting about why he won’t leave his wife, you still laugh together. The sex is great because of all the drama. And I am guessing that you take care of him – which he loves.

If he lets you go, your married man will lose that pleasure. He will lose having someone in his life who is willing to fight for him, to care for him. And he needs that. Desperately.

Be honest with yourself. Is what I have said above true? Do you have a lot of miserable nights but are you still very much getting pleasure from each other’s company when things are good? I am guessing so.

Why would he let that go?

2. He is still miserable.

I have a client who, after one and a half years of hoping that her married man would leave his wife, finally walked away. She just couldn’t take it anymore. And she was determined to not take him back.

And he freaked out! He was back with his wife but he was still miserable. Nothing had changed. They stayed together for the children or the finances or maybe even to work on the marriage, but the reality is is that, even if a couple is working on a marriage, the going will be rough.

And guys don’t like rough. They like to have their paths smooth and easy because a rough one is exhausting.

My client did manage to walk away, finally. And she never talked to her married guy again. But she does occasionally stalk him on social media and see the pictures that he posts of him and his wife, ‘having fun’ together.

They look happy but she can still see in his eyes that he is miserable. It makes her want to go back and take care of him because she still loves him, but she knows that, while he might still love her, he would merely be using her to make himself feel better in his world.

We all know what it’s like to be in an unhappy relationship and the prospect of finding happiness again without doing the hard work of fixing it is irresistible. Unfortunately, the band-aid of an affair is only a stop-gap, a way to get your emotional needs tended to without doing the hard work.

And the prospect of having that band-aid fall off permanently is the reason that your married man stayed with his wife but won’t let you go

Read: 11 Signs To Know If Your Marriage is Just Unhealthy Or Completely Toxic

3. He is jealous.

Again, your man is most likely miserable now that he has stayed with his wife. Even if they are going to therapy, their journey is a long one and one that he is, most likely, dreading.

For you, however, the sky is the limit. If you can let go of your married guy, yes you will have to start dating again, but the opportunity to actually be happy, to get your life back, to rebuild your self-esteem, and find love again, is yours for the taking. And the idea of that makes him crazy!

A client of mine, after finally being able to let go of her married guy, jumped into building a business for herself as a way to fill the hole left by his absence. As she built her business she reconnected with old friends, traveled, exercised, and got a dog.

As her business grew and she didn’t have to spend every waking hour obsessing about her guy, her self-esteem flourished. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel like second best. She didn’t feel abandoned.

And what happened? One day she was having lunch with a friend when a friend of her friend walked by. Their first contact was electric and within a week they were spending time together. Because she had rebuilt her life after her affair, she was willing and able to find a healthy relationship, one that made her feel important and loved.

And her married man? He was still living the same life that he had before he met her, with future happiness unknown. Why would he want to let her go if her prospects of happiness made him jealous, made him feel bad about his? No, it would be easier, and selfish, for him to put his needs first and give her no chance to be happy.

4. He doesn’t want anything to change.

Nobody likes change. In my experience, guys especially don’t like change. Change messes up the order of their universe and drastic change can have a big effect.

If your married guy stays with his wife but still won’t let you go it is very likely that he is doing so so that things will remain as they are. Yes, it is tough for him to have to fight with you about his marriage but he still gets a lot out of your relationship.

If he let you go there would be a void that he would have to fill, his routines around finding time for you would shift and he might find himself preoccupied and distracted by the new order of things.

Change is scary. Any kind of change. And no one wants it if they can possibly stop it. And letting go of a relationship, of any kind, is the worst change of all!

Read: 5 Deep-Seated Reasons For Indulging In Infidelity

5. You let him.

The number one reason why your married guy stayed with his wife but won’t let you go is that you let him.

Be honest with yourself. Are you still hanging on? Do you feel like he is your soul mate and that walking away would be a big mistake? Do you still hold out hope that he will leave his wife and be with you? Do you think that you will never find anyone to love you the way he does again?

For many women who say their man ‘won’t let them go’ they have an equal share in the ‘why.’ They want out, they say, but they don’t follow through. Sure, maybe for a day or a week but then their person reaches out to them and lures them back in again. And this can happen over and over and over.

We all have free will – we are in control of our universe and we can decide what we want to do and follow through. You say that your guy is forcing you to stay is a cop-out. You are staying because you want to. You are staying because you can’t walk away.  You are staying because you can’t find the courage to leave.

The best way to get your married man to let you go is to walk away. To let him go. For all the reasons I listed above he won’t leave you. But you can leave him.

The sooner you do the sooner you can get yourself back and start living your life! Having your married man stay with his wife but not let you go is, unfortunately, not unusual in our world.

While everyone thinks that their affair involves a love that is greater than all loves, that their person is their soulmate, in reality, we are all just people in the world, doing our best to find love and be happy. And people are fallible, no matter how much love they might feel.

As a result, letting go of someone who makes them happy, no matter how selfish the motivation, is very hard to do.

On a final note, I want you to review the list above. Every single one involves what YOU do for HIM. None of those things are because he wants to make you happy or take care of you. He keeps you around for himself. Period.

Walk away. Now. You can do it!

Written By: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin
Reasons He Wont Leave His Wife pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Beware Of ‘Cushioning’! This Sneaky Dating Trend Could Be Sabotaging Your Relationship

Toxic Signs of The Cushioning Dating Term: Beware!

Relationships in today’s society can often be like walking through a minefield of colloquialisms and behaviors. One such term is the “cushioning dating”, it may sound harmless, but the implications it carries are anything but cozy.

Cushioning involves entertaining potential romantic partners outside of one’s committed relationship; it is rooted in fear, insecurity, and avoidance, frequently resulting in emotional infidelity.

What Is Cushioning Dating Trend?



Up Next

10 Unexpected Signs Of Cheating: How To Tell If Your Spouse Is Having An Affair

Unexpected Signs Of Cheating: Beyond the Obvious

If you are googling “surprising and unexpected signs of cheating” at 2 in the morning, then you’ve come to the right place. Well, we all have been there. Suspicion and doubt can sneak up like an uninvited guest when it comes to your spouse; something tells you that something is wrong, but you just can’t put your finger on it.

When it comes to infidelity, it’s not always about the lipstick on the collar or mysterious phone calls at night. There can be many subtle signs of cheating that you might overlook and miss out on.

So go grab some coffee (or something stronger) and explore all the hidden signs you spouse



Up Next

The Cheaters’ Playbook: 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

The Cheaters' Playbook: Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

Have you ever wondered why do some men have affairs? It isn’t always because they’re just looking for excitement or are bored. There’s usually more to it. There are actually 3 types of men who have affairs, and we are going to do a deep dive into that today.

In a perfect world, love would keep everyone on course, but the truth is we often have to deal with betrayal and heartbreak. We’re going to take a close look at the 3 types of men who have affairs, some of the glaring traits of men who cheat, and most importantly, why do men have affairs.

Let’s start with understanding the traits of men who cheat.



Up Next

How Does A Narcissist Act When Caught Cheating? 6 Things A Narcissistic Partner Might Say

How Does A Narcissist Act When Caught Cheating? Statements

How does a narcissist act when caught cheating? If you have ever been with a narcissist, you know what happens when a narcissist is caught cheating, and all the absurd things they say to justify their actions. Let’s explore 6 statements a narcissists makes when a narcissist gets caught cheating.

KEY POINTS

A narcissistic partner may routinely say six things when they are caught cheating.

These statements are manipulative and are meant to get you to believe that you are the one at fault.

An understanding of how these statements influence your judgment may help.



Up Next

How To Get Over Emotional Cheating: 10 Practical Tips

Practical Tips On How To Get Over Emotional Cheating

Finding out that the person you love the most is in love with someone else can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences. Emotional cheating can not only shatter a relationship, but it can also traumatize and emotionally break the other partner. Let’s learn how to get over emotional cheating and start the healing process

What Does Emotional Cheating Mean?

Also known as emotional infidelity or emotional affair, it refers to a relationship where one person falls in love with, becomes emotionally intimate or develops a romantic bond with someone else outside their primary relationship or marriage.



Up Next

The 3 Most Common Types Of Cheaters: Uncovering The Love Fraudsters

Most Common Types Of Cheaters: The Silent Echoes Of Deceit

In every love story, the sweet haze of romance often hides some unsettling figures lurking in the shadows—figures of deceit that can turn sweet stories bitter. When it comes to infidelity and cheating, you might be a bit surprised to know that there are different types of cheaters, mainly 3 types of cheaters.

Revealing these types of cheaters might bring out uncomfortable truths, but they’re important for understanding the complex world of human emotions. Through their different ways of dishonesty, they show the complicated and tangled nature of cheating. Each one represents a warning about the rough patches that love can sometimes



Up Next

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful? 18 Reasons Why They Cheat (And Why They Don’t)

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful? Reasons They Can Be

Can a narcissist be faithful? This question delves into the intricate world of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and the complex dynamics of relationships involving narcissists. 

Understanding the psychology behind this topic is crucial for those who have encountered or are currently involved with narcissistic individuals. Let us explore the nature of narcissism, the reasons why a narcissist can be unfaithful, as well as the factors that might lead them to exhibit faithfulness. 

Can a Narcissist be Faithful in a Relationship?

Can a narcissist be faithful? This is a nuanced question and doesn’t really have a straightforward answer.