Relationships are very important to anyone. It is through them that we learn, have fun, and improve ourselves. But, not all of them have this effect on us, unfortunately.
You probably have heard a lot about toxic relationships, those that don’t contribute to your happiness at all. And yet, some of us still find hard to recognize these kind of people that suppress our chances to have a good time. Or worse, those people who seem to do their best to push us down.
But in order to help you on that, here is how you can recognize toxic people from the very first moments you meet them, so you can run away to as far as you can.
You feel tired after talking to them
Feeling tired after talking to someone one of the best ways to identify a person who is capable of suppressing your happiness. You seem to be having fun at that moment, and you can keep a conversation for hours with them. But when it is over, you feel drained, incapable of doing anything else.
You feel irritated/angry after talking to them
Some people are great instigators. You will go to them looking for a piece of advice about something that happened to you, and all that they do is to make you feel angry and irritated. They suggest you take revenge, to call someone to say a couple of unnecessary truths or they call your attention to all horrible details of that story that you hadn’t noticed yet.
You feel depressed after talking to them
Have you ever talked to someone because you were feeling bad and left the conversation thinking that your life was over? If yes, you know that you have met a toxic person, pessimistic style. They will never see the bright side of anything, think that life is always an awful disaster and that there is no point in trying any harder.
You feel like you have to mind them
No matter how developed is your parental instinct is, what you have in front of you is an adult. So you shouldn’t feel compelled to mind them as if they were a child. But some people have this ability to make you feel like you must take care of all their needs, from what they will eat to which job they should get.
You feel bad about yourself after talking to them
One of the worst types of toxic people is those who makes you feel bad about ourselves. They will point out every single mistake that we make and your weakness will be all over the place. They always know how to make things happen in a better way than you, so to make sure that we don’t congratulate ourselves for any achievement.
You feel like following their rules
You are an adult, entitled of making your decisions and suffering the consequences if any. But this type of toxic person is a control freak and won’t let you do anything without their approval. Actually, most of the time, you won’t be allowed even to make a suggestion, only to follow whatever they want you to do with your life.
You feel like they will die if you leave them
Some people take the co-dependency to the next level and tell you that they are going to get depressed, die, or even kill themselves if you leave them. They will blackmail you with tears and complaints and make you feel responsible for their lives, literally.
You feel like the past is never gone
Forgetting and forgiving are two very different things. While forgetting relies on the brain ability to erase something from its archives, forgiveness is a choice of the heart. So it is ok if the person finds hard to forget what you have done, but they should be able to let it go and not bring the subject up all the time. It is just a way to keep you under control by playing with your guilt, as you should know.
You feel there is some passive-aggressiveness towards
You know the kind. They never say that you are unhappy with you, but they will treat you poorly. They will be gossiping behind your back, moving to another seat on the table, or avoiding eye contact as well as in your private and professional life. They will be talking to someone else about you (but not with you) while you are around and make sure that they eat the last bit of your favorite food.
You feel there is something being held back
Any relationship needs time and commitment to thrive. You need to dedicate yourself and feel that the person is doing the same for you. But some people make you feel insecure all the time by always holding something back. They are there but you know that their heart isn’t with you. It might be fear of commitment or else, but their behaviour makes you feel bad about the relationship on a daily basis.
The bottom line
If you meet any of the kinds of people above, you should be ready to run. If they already are in your life, it is time for you to evaluate if it is worthy to stay around them.
Sometimes, it can’t be that simple, of course. It isn’t like you are going to quit your job or file for divorce overnight. You should also give the person a chance to change themselves by letting them know that you won’t be accepting that kind of behavior anymore. There is also counseling for when it makes sense.
But, yes, you do need to draw a line at some stage. This way you will make sure that you won’t be the one getting ill, depressed, or anxious, due to other people’s fault.