When you have experienced it up close, personal infidelity changes you. There are a ton of signs that you may be able to spot that will put you in a position to make the most critical decision: whether to stay or leave. But how do you know for sure if your partner is being unfaithful or not?
Are you shocked that you are in this place – that you are looking for signs that your partner might be being unfaithful?
Does something in your gut tell you that things are off? Has your relationship been struggling lately? Do you feel like something has shifted? Have these feelings made you wonder if your partner is having an affair?
There are definitely signs that your partner might be being unfaithful and knowing them might help you put some pieces together so that you can decide the next steps. Here are five of them.
1. They are very distracted.
When your partner is at home, are they really there with you? When you talk about your day, do you feel like they are thinking about other things?
Do you find that they aren’t focusing on the TV when you are watching or paying attention to friends when you go out to dinner or playing with the kids as much as they used to?
If your partner is distracted, this might be a sign that they are having an affair. For many people, affairs are all-consuming and it makes it very, very difficult for them to be present at the moment.
I have a client whose husband was always very engaging at dinner. He would ask the kids questions, ask about her day, share funny stories from his day, and generally make everybody laugh. Suddenly, all that changed. He would only nod when the kids spoke to him, ask no questions about anybody’s day, and would get up from the dinner table and wander away early.
Of course, being distracted itself doesn’t mean that he is having an affair – there are many reasons that one might be distracted – but it could be a piece of the puzzle about whether or not your partner is being unfaithful.
2. Their moods have changed.
For many people who are having an affair, their moods are greatly affected. They can be consumed by guilt for what they are doing. They might be elated because of the sex hormones that are surging through their body. They could be angry if you question them for their behaviors. They could be sad because they know they’re doing the wrong thing.
Again, there are many reasons why your partner’s moods have changed and I would encourage you to watch them carefully and try to talk to them about it. But, that being said, altered moods can definitely be a sign that your partner might be being unfaithful.
3. They have changed how they look.
I have a client who I hadn’t spoken to in a couple of months. I took a video call with her one day and she looked completely different from the last time I had seen her.
She had always taken care of herself, but now her hair was blown dry, her make-up carefully applied, her clothes obviously chosen with care and her overall demeanor was just sparkly. Something big had changed.
What I suspected, and what she soon told me was true, was it she was having an affair. She felt like she had come alive in a way she hadn’t been in a long time. She wanted to take care of herself and she wanted to look beautiful for her person. She felt like there was hope in her life again and it made her want to sparkle.
Of course, changing how one looks doesn’t necessarily mean that one is having an affair but, taken in combination with other things, it might be a sign that your partner is having an affair.