“The more you over think the less you will understand.” – Habeeb Akande
There is a fine line between thinking and over-thinking.
Pondering over something is thinking but when you go a step ahead and start dissecting it into parts probably breaking it into million pieces until it makes no sense at all, that is over thinking.
What causes us to overthink:
Anxiety, fear or maybe just our desire to get attention causes us to over-think. This kind of behavior can do more harm than you might think because it does not only prevent you from enjoying the present moment but also deprives you of making an adequate decision that is not dictated by fear or misjudgment.
Over-thinking also has an adverse effect on your relationships. In fact, over-thinking is probably the fastest way to damage your relationship.
Why overthinking hampers our relationships:
Over-thinking hampers our relationships in two ways
Overthinking ruins our relationships in two ways, one when the subject is we ourselves and the other when the subject is our partner. In one we belittle ourselves and feel worthless and in the other we over-think the actions of our partner, both is equally damaging to our relationship.
Firstly, you may over-think about yourself. Introspection is necessary to time to time for improvement but when you take it too far and start feeling ‘worthless’, it becomes damaging for you and your relationship. You start to think you’re not good enough, you start feeling that decisions you take is wrong and things you do are not right. Let me tell you, the thing you’re not doing right is thinking that you’re wrong. Stop blaming yourself or others, just stop the blame game. ‘what if I didn’t do that..’ ‘I should have…’ ‘I could have…’ this doesn’t make sense and you should avoid these regrets. You’re good, stop over-thinking. It ruins your confidence and your will.
Secondly, you may over-think about your partner. When you let yourself into the over-thinking zone, you invite a lot of troubles your way. You will think about something that was said or done in the past and relate it to present a moment which doesn’t even have anything to do with that. You get curious and this curiosity is toxic kind of curiosity, you start to question things that shouldn’t matter. You start questioning his/her love, loyalty, and intentions. A slight delay to respond your message and your head is full of thoughts like ‘he/she is ignoring me’, ‘he/she is having an affair’, ‘(god forbid) he/she got in an accident’ yes when you are an over thinker these sort of questions come in your head, places he goes will create a doubt in your mind even if it’s just a coffee shop. You are always lost in ifs and buts and these let fear take over your love resulting in a severe damage to your relationship.
How to deal with it?
Take a deep breath, laugh at yourself and let it go. Learn to Trust people. Don’t hold on to things that don’t matter, let it go. You don’t need to play the blame game, shit happens, just accept it, learn from it.