No matter how pleasant or painful a relationship is, other people are your mirrors. Everyone in your life is reflecting something about yourself back to you. Be it an irritated postman, loving spouse, or envious friend.
Others reflect especially those parts of you that you aren’t willing to see.
When we want to change someone, we’re trying to change our reflection. The reflection which we don’t like. Anyone who has ever tried to change someone else knows that it ends up as a disaster. Others don’t want to change when they’re not ready yet, and we’re wasting our energy.
It’s like looking into the mirror and trying to explain to the mirror that you don’t like what you see. It doesn’t simply work, and you miss the valuable lesson. Instead of wasting our time, we can accept what others mirror back to us.
Learn to recognize yourself in other people.
Meeting the same kind of partners over again
Romantic relationships serve as the best mirrors. When your relationships don’t go as planned, then it’s because some parts of you subconsciously sabotage it.
You’re the common denominator of all of your relationships.
Therefore going from one relationship into another without understanding why you unconsciously sabotage it or attract similar partners doesn’t help. It leads to the same results.
When Toni came for the first coaching session, she has started telling me about her last couple of relationships that all ended with the man leaving her. Naturally, she felt devastated, and she felt too old to meet someone she would want to spend the life with.
After a closer look, we recognize the common threads. The men were disrespectful to her and didn’t take her seriously. This would always make her upset, and she would start to argue on a daily basis. Ultimately, this made them leave and then soon after Toni would meet someone else, only to experience similar heartbreak later.
After doing some energy work together, Toni could see that she wasn’t respecting herself. She used to disregard her dreams and ideas because she didn’t believe that they could happen. Because she lacked the belief, she unconsciously predetermined them to fail. When she saw this pattern clearly, she made a conscious choice to stop it right there.
Now she owns her coffee-shop by the coast as she has always wanted. And next to her is the man who fully supports her and loves her.
Just as Toni did, you can also recognize what others mirror back to you. Specifically, they reflect us what we don’t want to accept about ourselves.
Learn to read what others reflect you
1. People get upset with you
If people get often upset with you, examine whether you’re unconsciously mad at the world or yourself. If you encounter angry and irritated people, they mirror your anger. You might not recognize that you’re angry, but others pick up our energy regardless.
2. Others don’t believe in your dreams
If this is your case, then ask yourself whether YOU believe in your dreams. Are you 100% committed to them?
How do you speak about what you want – is there a sense of lack of trust?
Others only reflect your inner doubts. Especially when you choose to change and follow what you love. It has happened to most of us that the closest people who were “supposed” to support us were questioning if what we do is the right thing.
Don’t take it as a sign that what you do is wrong. Instead, shift your perception to see that you need to support your dreams more.
3. People tell you what you should do
Sometimes it’s normal that others tell you what you need to do – like in work. But if your partner, family, or friends tell you way too often what you should do, then it reflects a fear of making your decisions. Others can feel whether we trust our opinions. If you don’t believe in your choice, then some people will take and advantage of it.
4. Others lie to you
If you meet people who lie to you, then the question to ask would be whether you lie to yourself (and others)? It might be more difficult, to be honest with yourself. Especially when you do something that you wish to take back. Yet in each moment being frank with yourself is the best thing you can do. It brings self-acceptance, and it shows you who you truly are.