20 Things I Wish I Could Say To The Sad Eyed Girl I Used To Be

the sad eyed girl i used to be

The more you grow up, the more you get to understand what and how life truly is. What you might know at 25, you might not have known when you were a 17-year-old girl. You are not the same girl you were then, and that’s okay.

Well into my thirties and looking back at my younger years, I sometimes wish I had the guidance of someone who had been through it all. Although I’m still learning and going through many crazy life lessons, I feel like I’m at that age where I finally have a good sense of who I am.

I try not to regret anything I’ve done in my life since there is a lesson behind every hardship and struggle, but looking back, there are many moments I’ve spent being sad, uncertain, and depressed. This is the advice I wish I could say to my younger self.

20 Things I Wish I Could Say To The Sad Eyed Girl I Used To Be
Things I Wish I Could Say To My Younger Self

Here Are 20 Things I Wish I Could Say To The Sad Eyed Girl I Used To Be

1. That Numb And Empty Feeling That You’ve Had Since You Were A Kid…Is NOT Normal. 

Feeling sad and blue is not your normal state of being. I wish you would have gotten help earlier in life. When you were 10, 15, 21…because when you get older and look back, you’ll see so many moments that could have been amazing but instead, all you’ll remember is the sadness you felt.

2. Stop Allowing Society To Influence The Way You View Yourself. 

You will spend so many years of your life trying to be skinny, taking so many dangerous dietary supplements, jeopardizing your physical health, having eating disorders, and letting the way you feel about your outward appearance, affect all of your self-esteem. You are beautiful. And when people tell you that, believe them. Believe them.

3. Embrace Your Culture. 

Embrace your heritage. Embrace being brown. Society will tell you that you’re not beautiful because you don’t have blonde hair or blue eyes…because you are not white.

Believe me, one day, years from now, you will learn about the struggles that your dad went through to get to America, you’ll be told stories of racism and oppression and see the poverty that people in your home country endure because of colonialism, and you will eventually look into the eyes of people that look like you…and feel beautiful and proud.

Related: 10 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 20

4. Throw Those Magazines Away.

Don’t let the people you see in those stupid pages convince you that you’re not good enough. I promise you, one day, years from now…you will see people like you in those same magazines, in the movies you watch, and in the music you listen to. Your culture will finally be represented and you will never feel more empowered in your life. What I see today…is just the beginning.

5. Listen To Your Own Moral Compass. 

You will sit through hours at church, camps, and youth outings throughout your childhood and adolescence. You will be told that being gay is a sin, that women should not have reproductive rights, that the sexual harassment you deal with is because of the clothes you wear. You will be told that other religions are wrong and should always be seen as “the other.” Don’t believe any of it. Don’t let the fear of going to hell make you a bigot.

You’re a smart girl with such a strong moral compass, and trust me, there will be a moment where you will be sitting through a sermon and think to yourself… “this is so fucked up.” And it is. And you’ll walk away and never look back. And that is 100% okay.

6. Recognize What Toxic Love Is. 

You will have your heart broken several times in your life but there will be one particular boy…who will shatter it. Those intense feelings that “feel different” and the immense earth-shattering pain you feel when he leaves you…is not because of love. It is a fear of being alone. The pain is a result of the little self-worth and self-love you have for yourself.

You will believe that your happiness depends on this one person, and when you’re treated poorly, you will think you deserve it. You will beg him to stay and spend so much time and effort trying to prove your worth. Let him go. I promise, you will rise from this and you will learn that love doesn’t have to be painful for it to be real.

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Syrah Caparas

With a BA in Sociology and an MA in Human Rights, Syrah has always had a passion for making the world a better place. Since being diagnosed with clinical depression and general anxiety disorder, she has used her creative outlets and passion for writing to help end the stigma of mental illness. Her writing has been featured in online sites such as Elite Daily and Thought Catalog and local Sacramento publications such as Dream Broad and Submerge Magazine. She currently works at an international nonprofit where she creates publications, manages communications, and advocates for solar cooking in developing countries.View Author posts