20 Things I Wish I Could Say To The Sad Eyed Girl I Used To Be

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The more you grow up, the more you get to understand what and how life truly is. What you might know at 25, you might not have known when you were a 17-year-old girl. You are not the same girl you were then, and thatโ€™s okay.




Well into my thirties and looking back at my younger years, I sometimes wish I had the guidance of someone who had been through it all. Although Iโ€™m still learning and going through many crazy life lessons, I feel like Iโ€™m at that age where I finally have a good sense of who I am.

I try not to regret anything Iโ€™ve done in my life since there is a lesson behind every hardship and struggle, but looking back, there are many moments Iโ€™ve spent being sad, uncertain, and depressed. This is the advice I wish I could say to my younger self.



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Here Are 20 Things I Wish I Could Say To The Sad Eyed Girl I Used To Be

1. That Numb And Empty Feeling That Youโ€™ve Had Since You Were A Kidโ€ฆIs NOT Normal. 

Feeling sad and blue is not your normal state of being. I wish you would have gotten help earlier in life. When you were 10, 15, 21โ€ฆbecause when you get older and look back, youโ€™ll see so many moments that could have been amazing but instead, all youโ€™ll remember is the sadness you felt.

2. Stop Allowing Society To Influence The Way You View Yourself. 

You will spend so many years of your life trying to be skinny, taking so many dangerous dietary supplements, jeopardizing your physical health, having eating disorders, and letting the way you feel about your outward appearance, affect all of your self-esteem. You are beautiful. And when people tell you that, believe them. Believe them.

3. Embrace Your Culture. 

Embrace your heritage. Embrace being brown. Society will tell you that youโ€™re not beautiful because you donโ€™t have blonde hair or blue eyesโ€ฆbecause you are not white.




Believe me, one day, years from now, you will learn about the struggles that your dad went through to get to America, youโ€™ll be told stories of racism and oppression and see the poverty that people in your home country endure because of colonialism, and you will eventually look into the eyes of people that look like youโ€ฆand feel beautiful and proud.

Related: 10 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 20

4. Throw Those Magazines Away.

Donโ€™t let the people you see in those stupid pages convince you that youโ€™re not good enough. I promise you, one day, years from nowโ€ฆyou will see people like you in those same magazines, in the movies you watch, and in the music you listen to. Your culture will finally be represented and you will never feel more empowered in your life. What I see todayโ€ฆis just the beginning.

5. Listen To Your Own Moral Compass. 

You will sit through hours at church, camps, and youth outings throughout your childhood and adolescence. You will be told that being gay is a sin, that women should not have reproductive rights, that the sexual harassment you deal with is because of the clothes you wear. You will be told that other religions are wrong and should always be seen as โ€œthe other.โ€ Donโ€™t believe any of it. Donโ€™t let the fear of going to hell make you a bigot.

Youโ€™re a smart girl with such a strong moral compass, and trust me, there will be a moment where you will be sitting through a sermon and think to yourselfโ€ฆ โ€œthis is so fucked up.โ€ And it is. And youโ€™ll walk away and never look back. And that is 100% okay.

6. Recognize What Toxic Love Is. 

You will have your heart broken several times in your life but there will be one particular boyโ€ฆwho will shatter it. Those intense feelings that โ€œfeel differentโ€ and the immense earth-shattering pain you feel when he leaves youโ€ฆis not because of love. It is a fear of being alone. The pain is a result of the little self-worth and self-love you have for yourself.




You will believe that your happiness depends on this one person, and when youโ€™re treated poorly, you will think you deserve it. You will beg him to stay and spend so much time and effort trying to prove your worth. Let him go. I promise, you will rise from this and you will learn that love doesnโ€™t have to be painful for it to be real.

7. The Depression You Feel Isnโ€™t Caused By One Thing Or One Moment. 

It is just a part of who you are and deep downโ€ฆyou know that. You will blame the severity of it on certain people and events in your lifeโ€ฆbut it has always been there. Itโ€™s chemical, itโ€™s genetic, and itโ€™s hereditary. Those terrible moments have maybe enhanced it, but it has always been there.

Accept that and accept that it will probably never go away completely. Once you do, youโ€™ll figure out a way to manage it. Whether itโ€™s the pills you take, the therapist you talk to, or the changes you make in your lifeโ€ฆyou will be able to manage it.

And when that dark cloud comesโ€ฆeven if itโ€™s severe and cripplingโ€ฆyou will know that itโ€™s just a moment. Itโ€™s not the be-all, end-all. Itโ€™s a moment that will passโ€ฆ and believe me when I say this, it WILL pass.

8. The Embarrassment And Defeat You Feel After You Take That Handful Of Pills Is Temporary. 

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As much as you regret it (whether itโ€™s wishing you hadnโ€™t or wishing you had taken more), I promise you, you will learn from it. It will make you stronger.

And years from now you will look back on that day, those feelings of wanting to die, the facility you were forced to stay atโ€ฆall of itโ€ฆand youโ€™ll think to yourselfโ€ฆ. โ€œI got through it. I survived. Iโ€™m still breathing. Iโ€™m still living. And Iโ€™m okay.โ€

Related: 20 Brutally Honest Things Women Turning 40 Want All Women In Their 30s To Know




9. You Will Love Again. 

I know it feels impossible after all of the traumaโ€ฆbut you will. Those butterflies you think are gone forever will come back for someone else. Youโ€™ll meet new people, youโ€™ll try new things, and trust meโ€ฆyou will fall in love again.

10. Write. Submit. Publish. 

Youโ€™ll regret sharing so much of yourselfโ€ฆand youโ€™ll think, โ€œI only published those pieces because I was in the moment.โ€ Youโ€™ll feel embarrassed and regretful and beg your editor to take them downโ€ฆbut believe meโ€ฆ those letters will come. Those messages, those conversations, those hugsโ€ฆ And thatโ€™s when youโ€™ll realize that your words and your experiences hold so much power.

Your words have encouraged people to get help, theyโ€™ve given comfort to those who need it, and theyโ€™ve inspired so many. Keep writing!

11. Embrace Your Age. 

sad eyed

Every year that passes, every birthday that comes, makes you sad. You are still young! Embrace your energy, your youth, your drive! Decades from now, that will all be gone and all you will remember when you look backโ€ฆis that you spent your whole life โ€œfeeling oldโ€ and allowing that to stop you from doing certain things.

Not everyone has the privilege of growing old. Embrace it.




12. Donโ€™t Let Your Compassion For Others Weigh You Down. 

If the news and the state of the world become overwhelming, itโ€™s okay to unplug. If you know you canโ€™t help someone, donโ€™t feel bad when you have to say no. Set healthy boundaries. Your mental health will thank you for it later.

13. For The Love Of God, Keep Drumming! 

Do not get rid of your drum set, fuck the neighbors and their noise complaints, and stop making excuses. As much as you think youโ€™re just a music fanโ€ฆyou will eventually realize it is way more than that.

Itโ€™s not just a passion, but your world. It is your therapy, your joy, your inspiration. Youโ€™re the happiest when you write about it, when youโ€™re around it at shows, and when you create it. Keep playing.

14. You Will Learn What Your Calling Is When You Least Expect It. 

Growing up, you will have a lot of moments where your depression will become debilitating. But in one particular year, you will experience a massive breakdown that will almost take your life. Everything will feel strange and the things you once loved, will no longer bring you joy.

Although it may feel scary, I promise that those pieces of yourself that you lost will eventually come back. You will realize that the things that helped you get through it, are the passions in life you must pursueโ€ฆ which are writing, music, and advocacy.

15. Buy Those Plane Tickets, Those Music Festival Passes, And Book That Trip.

The amount you spend on makeup, takeout food, and the latest gadgets will amount to more than what any of those experiences will cost. Experiences outweigh tangible things. Spend your money on moments. That is all that will matter to you in the end.



Related: 12 Important Things You Need To Know By The Time You Turn 30

16. Get Over Your Imposter Syndrome. 

Any successes you haveโ€ฆyou earned. Any happiness you feelโ€ฆyou deserve. The good things that are happening to you, are not because you tricked others into thinking youโ€™re something that youโ€™re not.

You are good at what you do and you work extremely hard. All of the positive vibes coming your way is a result of being the amazing person you truly are.

17. Stop Being Self-Destructive. 

Stop making things difficult or ruining relationships and moments that could be great. As Stephen Chbosky says in the Perks of Being a Wallflower, โ€œWe accept the love we think we deserveโ€ฆโ€

And believe me, you deserve better than what youโ€™re settling for. Stop pushing away people that could be good for you. Stop thinking that youโ€™re not worthy. Youโ€™re a genuinely good person. And good people deserve to be with good people.

18. Donโ€™t Regret Wearing Your Heart On Your Sleeve.

Donโ€™t feel embarrassed over your grand gestures of love, or saying โ€œI love you,โ€ first. You will not regret this in the future. What you will regret, is making those feelings unknown. It is always better to regret something you said than something you didnโ€™t.


19. Donโ€™t Open Up Those Credit Cards! 

Sure, youโ€™re a broke college student, but donโ€™t let โ€œfree food just for applyingโ€ entice you. The free pizza you get is not worth the mounds of debt you will accumulate. And no, you will not have the willpower to โ€œnot use the cardโ€ when it comes in the mail.

Related: 16 Things You Must Do Before You Turn 40

20. And Lastly, If You Love Someone, Say It. 

Often times when youโ€™re young, you think that you will have many deep relationships and connect with a million different people as you get older. The truth is, there will only be a handful.

Cherish the people you love now and maintain the close friendships you have. It is a rare thing when two souls align. And when they do, donโ€™t take it for granted.




Written By Syrah Caparas 
Originally Appeared In Thought Catalog

Growing up is hard, and learning all the tough life lessons is probably harder. You are not the young girl you used to be, you have grown and matured into a girl who has been through her fair share of struggles and has survived.

Be the girl you can be proud of. Be the girl who never gives up. And most importantly, be the girl who knows life is tough, but still keeps going.

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