New Parents, Listen Up: Passion and Parenting Can Co-Exist


New Parents Listen Up Passion and Parenting Can Co Exist

While walks on the beach and lazy afternoons of love making often take a back seat after having a baby, Dr. John Gottman’s research presented in the Bringing Baby Home workshop shows that passion and parenting can co-exist.

Gottman studied over 150 parents before and after having their first child and found that almost two-thirds reported heightened conflict, relationship disappointment, and hurt feelings post-baby.

What were the other one-third of couples doing differently?

They were making romance and friendship a part of their routine. While a decrease in sex is common and expected in the first few months of a newborn’s life, it is still an important part of a couple’s life and a strong predictor of overall relationship satisfaction. Thus, prioritizing sex and intimacy is essential for new parents going through the transition to parenthood.

Understanding the initial adjustment to parenthood

Life is an emotional rollercoaster the first few months after having a baby. Natural stressors of parenting such as hormonal shifts, recovery from childbirth, and sheer physical exhaustion (coupled with a reduced sex drive) leave every parent experiencing the highest of highs, the lowest of lows, and everything in between.

It’s no surprise that both men and women find themselves less interested in sex and romance during this time.

For new moms, breastfeeding and bonding with their baby become the priority, and women can struggle to find equal time for both spouse and baby.

Dads, learning the ropes of parenthood as well, feel increased pressure to provide for and protect the family, whether financial or otherwise.

These new roles can be tricky for spouses to navigate. While juggling the maze of new parenthood together, romance, passion, and intimacy can quickly take a back seat to exhaustion, short-fused statements, and unstimulating “errand talk.”

Creating and sustaining a relationship that is rich in meaning—infused with those special rituals that bring us closer together and allow us to connect with one another—is even more important after having a baby.

Establishing rituals of connection

The Bringing Baby Home research found that the quality of a couple’s sex life is a direct result of how emotionally connected they are to each other. Keeping the emotional connection strong not only helps to buffer the stressors of new parenthood but also allows for greater passion and intimacy.

To keep the emotional connection strong, be intentional.

Consider developing a morning routine of feeding, playing, and taking care of the baby together. Spend 10 minutes a day unwinding and building Love Maps, and make weekends extra special by planning a unique family outing.

When you create intentional rituals of connection, you’re deepening your friendship in small, everyday, tangible ways while also increasing your sexual intimacy.

Preserving intimacy and romance

Most couples think that fancy dinners, weekend getaways, and sexy lingerie make for a more romantic relationship, but research shows that these are not the key to increase intimacy.

New parents should feel more at ease knowing that they don’t have to think big. The small, everyday interactions like holding hands, a long hug, and cuddling at the end of the day are tender moments that keep partners physically connected. A couple’s passion and sex life peaks when they simply make time for each other, engage with one another, and build a surplus of positive interactions.

Related: 3 Reasons Why Communication Is Crucial For Sustained Intimacy

Keeping sex and affection alive

Initially, some moms may feel “over-touched” from nursing and hold their baby, so they won’t feel particularly touchy-feely with their spouse. But affection doesn’t have to be the only physical; couples can still stay close and intimate through verbal and non-physical tenderness.

Talking about what feels good, expressing appreciation, and keeping daily rituals of connection in place can be a welcome source of comfort. Taking a soothing bubble bath together, giving a light shoulder massage at the end of a long day, and talking about sex are great ways to still feel close and intimate.

Sexual desire can return after kids. Once new parents realize how important it is for the overall quality of their relationship, they can begin to discuss how to reignite the flames.

How can couples with children maintain intimacy in relationship? Watch out this interesting video:

Sex therapist Lonnie Barbach suggests using numbers to gauge the desire for sex. For example, one partner maybe a 7 or 8 (very interested) and the other may be a 2 (low interest).

The number 2 may not be a personal rejection, but perhaps more of a “No for now.” The partner who is a 7 or 8 can decide if they want to initiate sex further in the hopes of getting their partner interested. With the right moves, the number 2 partner may quickly move up the scale of arousal.

Many couples report that scheduling time to make love keeps them committed to following through and is something they look forward to experiencing.

Related: Conscious Parenting: The Art Of Raising Happy Children

The idea of scheduling sex may seem silly, but the truth is that sex is rarely ever truly spontaneous. Newly dating couples still plan for love making by choosing a special outfit, buying new cologne, or picking a steamy playlist in anticipation of the night ahead.

Planning regular date nights away from your baby can also help replenish and fortify your relationship. Some other ideas include morning love making or spooning during nap times.

Sexy messages throughout the day build excitement for the night ahead and make courting playful, lighthearted, and fun. Intentionally carving out this time with your partner helps to remind you that you are a team, which, in turn, makes it easier for you to tackle daily struggles in a united way. In the long run, it also helps you to be better co-parents to your child.

Having children is most definitely a game changer, but it doesn’t have to be a romance killer. With just a little bit of effort, new parents can preserve intimacy in the midst of early morning wake-ups, around-the-clock feedings, and at times an overwhelming set of new responsibilities.

What’s your stake on passion and parenting? Leave a comment below.

New Parents Listen Up Passion and Parenting Can Co Exist
New Parents Listen Up Passion and Parenting Can Co Exist

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Bad Husband But Good Father? 8 Tips On How To Be A Better Dad And Husband 

Practical Tips on How to Be a Better Dad and Husband

Being married to a man who is a bad husband but a good father is a complex and challenging experience. It’s a situation where the joys and struggles of parenting coexist with the frustrations and disappointments of a strained marital relationship. So how to be a better dad and husband?

Today, we will try to gain a better understanding of the psyche of a bad husband but a good father and shed light on how you can encourage them to be both a better husband and father. Let’s dive in.

Who Exactly is a Bad Husband and Good Father?

A bad husband can be someone who falls short in their role as a partner. T

Up Next

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Overcoming Her Legacy And Healing From The Wounds

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Healing From The Wounds

Having an emotionally absent mother can take a heavy toll on your mental and emotional well-being, and that too from a very young age. This article is going to explore what it means to have an emotionally unavailable mother, how her emotional absence can affect you and how to heal from it and move on.

Growing up with a mother who wasn’t emotionally available may have complicated your relationship with your emotions. Our early experiences of emotional attunement play an important part in the subsequent regulation of our emotions.

An emotionally absent mother may fail to develop the kind of satisfying attachment bonds in her children that make sustaining ordinary relationships possible.

Up Next

Only Child Syndrome: A Closer Look At The World Of An Only Child

Only Child Syndrome: Exploring An Only Child's World

What is the only child syndrome and how does an only child feel growing up without siblings? This article is going to talk about how it feels being an only child, and what it entails. So, let’s get started, shall we?

There is a stereotype that only children, children without siblings, fail to develop the ordinary social bonds and attachments that children with siblings do. The reality is more nuanced.

It does not follow that children with siblings are automatically more adaptable, more able to share, more able to understand group dynamics, but it is the case that only children didn’t grow up having to deal with

Up Next

Child Parentification: The Cause, Signs, and Recovery

Clear Signs Of Child Parentification In Adults

Ever felt like you were the parent instead of the child? That might be child parentification. Let’s explore its causes, signs, and how to recover together.

The term child parentification was coined in 1967 by family systems theorist Salvador Minuchin, who said the phenomenon occurred when parents de facto delegated parenting roles to children.

It can happen when one parent is physically absent or when a dysfunctional family is under stress because a parent cannot perform their parental responsibilities.

Usually, this is due to a phy

Up Next

6 Signs You’re Ready To Start A Family

Signs You’re Ready To Start A Family With Your Partner

You want a baby, a little one to call your own, yet you’re not sure if you really are ready to start a family? Being a parent isn’t as easy as it seems. You can’t just wish for a child then boom, they’re born.

Before even starting the process of family planning, you need to first figure out whether or not this is truly something that you want.

While for some couples around the world, having a baby is their ultimate dream. That’s not always the case for everyone else.

Some can’t decide if they actually do want kids or not while others are already excited and some are straight up terrified. It’s also no secret that life changes forever when there’s a little one in tow. The question �

Up Next

Why Introvert Extrovert Couples Make Great Parents: 8 Compelling Reasons

Reasons Introvert Extrovert Couples Make Great Parents

You know why introvert extrovert couples make great parents? They’re the perfect combination of yin and yang. Introvert extrovert couples work really well because where one person lacks, the other makes up in spades. And this approach reflects in their parenting skills as well. They have different ways of looking at things, and they give the best of both worlds to their children.

In this article, we are going to explore some of the major reasons why introvert extrovert couples make a powerful team when it comes to the battle of parenting their children.

So, if you are someone who is in an introvert and extrov

Up Next

Zodiac Signs As Moms: Discover Your Celestial Parenting Style Here

Zodiac Signs As Moms: Powerful Parenting Styles Unveiled

Do you find motherhood as exhilarating as it is demanding? The zodiac signs as moms bring unique parenting styles to the mix!

Motherhood is a unique path where the 12 zodiac moms bring different cosmic energy. Our personality is shaped by stars and the 12 zodiac signs are therefore associated with certain motherhood traits that differ from one another.

Thus, fasten your seatbelts, and let’s venture on a whimsical journey through the world of astrology to find out who these celestial zodiac moms truly are.

Zodiac Signs As Moms