3 Reasons Why Communication Is Crucial For Sustained Intimacy

When it comes to a couple’s sex life, open and transparent communication is extremely crucial for sustained intimacy in the long run.

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Communication. We all know it’s important and we all know we should be doing it more. And perhaps – doing it better. But have you ever stopped to wonder why communication in the relationship is so essential?

Why communication with your spouse or partner ensures intimacy?

Why communication can lead to a better sex life and a more fulfilling relationship?

In this article, you’ll learn 3 reasons why communication is crucial to maintaining intimacy – be it in your marriage or your relationship.

 

Intimacy Is Easy In The Beginning

At the beginning of relationships, intimacy is a kind of a given.

Little thought is put into creating it – it just sort of happens. There’s always time to enjoy a snuggle on the sofa, time to cook dinner together, time to share a bottle of wine – time to have sex. A lot of sex.

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Falling in love is one of the most intimate experiences.

But when the passion dwindles, which it does for most of us around 6 months to 2 and a half years into the relationship, intimacy can turn into a hard project.

One for which we simply have no time or energy to work on.

All of a sudden, it’s like intimacy can only be achieved by going to fancy restaurants, booking ourselves into a spa facility or going on a trip to Paris.

But intimacy doesn’t actually need to be fancy or expensive. There’s a much simpler solution right in the back of your pocket – communication.

Want to up your communication skills with your partner? Read 6 Communication Strategies Of Happy Couples in Relationships

 

1. What Happens When We Don’t Communicate

– Our Relationship Stops Evolving & Our Sex Drive Diminishes

When we keep the lines of communication in the relationship open, our relationship is privy to constant evolvement.

A relationship that changes and grows keeps us interested. The novelty we experience in an ever-changing relationship – be it sexual or nonsexual – is also great for our libido.

But a great sex life isn’t only dependent on novelty between the sheets. It also needs extra heat which is, in part, caused by finding our partner or our spouse intriguing and interesting outside of the bedroom.

You might be thinking “but I like my relationship exactly the way it is!”.

And maybe you do today, or tomorrow, or still for months to come.

But when our relationships stop growing, they become stale and boring. They stop feeding our souls and tending to our needs. They stop revving up our sex drives and sex turns into more of a project than a fun activity.

Relationships that don’t evolve run the risk of losing all intimacy.

 

– Our Brain Thinks We’re Going To Die

When communication in the relationship stops (or never actually starts) – we stop being intimate.

Intimacy is a crucial part of being human. Not just because it’s “nice” or makes us feel good. Our need for intimacy is rooted in our DNA. Our genetic make-up thrives on it because intimacy is a part of love.

And love was what made sure we were a part of the group way back when we lived on the savannah.

If we weren’t loved and didn’t love, we ran the risk of being excluded from the group. And when we were left to be on our own, we were much likelier to die.

Nowadays in western society, love and intimacy might not be as crucial to our physical survival. They are, however, still as important to our mental well-being.

This is partly because a lack of intimacy can, on a subconscious level, be misconstrued as a sign that we’re excluded from the group. Effectively, our brain thinks we’re going to die, leading to worry, anxiety and depression.

 

2. We’re Not Loved For Who We Truly Are

When we don’t communicate with our spouse or partner we don’t show who we truly are. And when we hide certain parts of ourselves, we don’t get to experience being loved for our wholeness.

The only sides of ourselves that are showered with love and affection are the “good” ones. The sides of ourselves that we believe make us lovable.

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Leigh Noren, MSchttps://www.therapybyleigh.com/
Leigh Norén is a sex therapist and writer specialized in low libido, orgasmic difficulties, communication and relationship difficulties. She's been featured in Glamour, The Tab, Babe, Sexography, The Good Men Project and more. Leigh offers free online resources for a better sex life and happier relationship, sex therapy and online courses at her website www.therapybyleigh.com
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