Are you having a hard time finding true love? Has dating become a series of disappointments? Do you think you are destined to be alone? It’s time to take off your rose tinted glasses and take a good look at what you are doing wrong.
How many times have you gotten excited about someone you were dating, only to be disappointed weeks or months later?
It’s not that you have such a hard time meeting people – it’s that you can’t seem to keep a relationship going or even get one off the ground.
Sometimes your new love interest comes on strong but later flakes out. Other times, you think this person is IT, and then you find out things about them that make you realize this is not the person you can spend your life with.
Or maybe, like many of my clients, you work so hard at relationships and never seem to get the same kind of investment in return.
For some reason or another, things just don’t work out for you.
And it hurts. A lot.
Not only that, but you’re plagued with worry that you’ll never be able to sustain anything meaningful. You wonder if you’re just destined to be alone.
In this message, let’s pretend we’re face to face in my therapy office. We’re going to go through the reasons this is happening to you, open your eyes to some of the mistakes you’re probably making, and show you how to turn things around.
3 Common Mistakes We Make On The Road To Finding True Love
Because I counsel both singles looking for love and couples struggling to keep love alive, I have a unique perspective on what it takes to make love last.
I’ve noticed certain similarities between people who can’t find a partner and people who are in a troubled relationship. As you read through these, ask yourself if any of them are operating for you:
3 Damaging Mistakes That Are Keeping You From Finding True Love
1. You think a good relationship is always smooth sailing
If you get nervous at the sign of any disagreement in a budding relationship, and you start to question whether this person is right for you, take note.
People who jump the moment things get a little hairy in a relationship are bound to stay alone.
The truth is that every relationship – even the most loving and connected ones – will experience serious ups and downs.
In fact, partners who learn how to handle conflict effectively, in the beginning, develop the kind of deep intimacy and safety that keeps them together for the long haul.
2. You work hard to “keep the peace” in your relationships
Do you make great efforts to appear as easygoing, low maintenance, and agreeable as possible when you meet someone new?
Going with the flow is fine, but not if deep down you really want something different from your partner. When you try not to “rock the boat,” you actually create the perfect conditions for a tempestuous storm.
Not only will your new partner never know your true needs and desires, but this is an act you simply can’t keep up. Sooner or later, you’re going to explode with resentment.
3. You ignore your deal-breakers and must-haves
When you’re longing for a love relationship, it’s easy to tell yourself that a potential “red flag” doesn’t really matter to you.
Something unsavory pops up about your date and you brush it aside thinking, “Well, nobody’s perfect!”
But if you aren’t clear on what you want and need in a romantic partner, you’ll end up spending precious time dating people who will never be able to create the relationship you want.
The Common Critical Ingredient In Successful Relationships
When you look over the three mistakes above, notice that there’s one common theme running through all of them: