On Why Losing Friends is Not Always a Bad Thing

There are times when you meet someone and you just naturally vibe with that person, to the point that every time you’re in that person’s company you’re comfortable.  That’s how it was with a former friend of mine who I’ll call “Kay”. Kay is a few years younger than me, but we both share a lot of the same experiences and interests, and everything just meshed. We met at work and immediately hit it off.  We took our breaks together, arranged to have our desks near each other, ate lunch together and even hung out after work—we were tight.

As time went on, I ended up leaving the company and she stayed on.  We attempted to meet up outside of work a few times; however, it just wasn’t the same. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why we drifted apart, but eventually I was able to understand she was my friend for that particular season and within that particular climate.  The season was my time at the company—she became a person that I could vent to about issues at work and vice versa, and we understood each other within that particular climate.

Eventually, I had to come to terms with the fact that outside of the work climate, we were totally different people with totally different interests other than the ones we shared while on the job. I had to accept the fact that even though to this day we remain acquainted via social media and will hug and speak when we see each other, we are no longer friends.  I don’t know what’s happening with her on a day to day basis and that’s okay because our friendship served a particular purpose for a limited timed, and those memories will always be special.

 Some people are only put in your life for a season.

Like everyone, I’ve now come to accept it as a part of life. Losing a friend is indeed not much different than breaking up with someone romantically.  Anytime you bond with someone and that bond is broken, you’re going to hurt.  What these experiences have taught me is that some people are only put in your life for a season, and eventually that season will come to an end.  It’s as simple as that. Here are a few of my takeaways from friendships that have come and gone.

Understand the Climate of the Friendship

As human beings, we bond with people and form friendships in all sorts of places.  Whether it’s through work, school, the gym or any number of other social groups, unless you’re entirely anti-social most people form friendships in the aforementioned atmospheres or “climates”.  What most people don’t foresee; however, is the effect “climate change” can have on these relationships.  This was my experience with Kay.  Once I left the atmosphere of our relationship (work) the climate of our friendship changed, and unfortunately it didn’t change for the better.

People Lose Their Compatibility

Throughout the changes I’ve been through with friends who have come and gone, I’ve come to realize that sometimes it’s not the climate—it’s the connection between the people that diminishes.  This is exactly what happened between myself and a former friend of mine.  We met when we were in middle school and bonded immediately.  When high school came along we were still very tight, but somewhere between meeting new people and starting to date, the connection that once made us inseparable began to diminish.

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Written by Tiara Jante

Tiara Janté is a writer out of Pennsylvania. She contributes regularly to and She also is the Co-Editor of Black Girl Magic Literary Magazine. Outside of her journalistic ventures, she writes speculative fiction and urban romance as well as non-fiction. Her book "From Pitches to Bylines" is slated for release July 2016.


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