Skip to content

Why Do We Lose Friends As We Grow Older?

Why Lose Friendships As Grow Older

The saddest part of growing up is that friendships change with time. Even if it’s painful to imagine losing friends, why do we lose friends as we get older?

You may notice that, as you grow older, you seem to hang out with a smaller and smaller crowd. The giant mob you went to the movies within high school thins out a bit when you come home for college break.

By the time you hit thirty, your birthday party might attract about ten people – if you’re lucky. However, as the majority of friendships seem to fade, the ones that stick around become stronger and more meaningful than ever before.

Why Do We Lose Friends As We Get Older?

1. We work more and have less free time

If you are adulting correctly, you will likely accumulate new responsibilities with each passing year. You will become more important at the office, which will translate into longer hours and more frequent travel.

If you are adulting at an advanced level, you may even become active in a church, join a golf team, or start to care deeply about the state of your lawn and garden. If you choose to get married and have children, your time may never truly be your own ever again.

As your free time becomes more limited, you will have to become more selective about who you spend it with. The mob of bros you used to hit the bars with is out.

Evan and Kate from across the street who have twins the same age as your daughter? So in! It will become so inconvenient to hang out with friends who have a different lifestyle from your own that you will have to really love them to do so. You will only be able to keep the best around.

Read Why Our Friends are Incredibly Important

2. With less free time comes less tolerance for bullshit

If you are a hardworking lawyer coming off a seventy hour week, or a mother of three with only one night out of the house this month, you will laugh at the thought of spending your precious margarita night with anyone less than spectacular. Gone are the days when you would invite the whole dorm over and giggle long into the night over nothing.

Why Do We Lose Friends As We Grow Older?
Why We Lose Friends As We Get Older?

As you grow older, you put a higher value on small groups and substantial conversation. Especially if your friend is living a different lifestyle as described above, you don’t want to waste your valuable time together making chit-chat with a table full of people. You want to catch up over a small dinner on the topics that really matter.

Read Why Close Friendships Can Be So Challenging

3. Who has that kind of energy?

A twenty-year-old is an almost superhuman creature. She can party until sunrise, make it to class the next day, and do it all over again the night after. In living this cycle, she can touch base with dozens of friends per week and hardly need to catch her breath.

By our thirties, we become tired. I’m not even there yet, and already my favorite part of the day is when my head hits the pillow. If I’m out of the house any time after 8pm, I must really like you – and I certainly can’t bring that kind of enthusiasm on a daily basis.

Why Do We Lose Friends As We Get Older?
Why Is It Hard To Keep Friends? 3 Reasons Why Losing Friends As You Grow Older

Meeting new people is a lot of work, and I’ve likely used up all my energy on the very grown-up activities outlined in #1. Sorry.

If you are reading this list in your early twenties, don’t worry. It isn’t as sad as it seems. The friends you keep as you get older might not stay out all night at the bar with you, but they will absolutely blow you away with what they do bring to the table.

They will bring over medicine for your sick toddler in the middle of the night. They’ll let you cry on their shoulder when you lose your job. They’ll have your children over for a sleepover so you can have some time to process your feelings during a divorce or the death of a loved one.

What you lose in quantity of friendships, you will gain in-depth. I promise it’s worth it.

Read How To Make Friends As An Adult (7 Steps)

Getting older and losing friends is the hard part of growing up. But the ones who remain, they’re your true friends. Remember that!

Why Do We Lose Friends As We Grow Older?
Why Do We Lose Friends As We Get Older? 3 Reasons Behind Losing Friends
Why Lose Friendships As Grow Older pin

Robert Glazer

Bob Glazer is the founder and CEO of global performance marketing agency, Acceleration Partners. He is also the co-founder and Chairman of BrandCycle. A serial entrepreneur, Bob has a passion for helping individuals and organizations build their capacity to outperform.View Author posts

14 thoughts on “Why Do We Lose Friends As We Grow Older?”

Leave a Reply

Up Next

How To Manage Your Dark Side – 10 Tips To Embrace Your Shadow Self

How manage control your dark side

Do you have a dark side? Of course, you do. We all do. But none of us ever talk about it because we are afraid and ashamed of it. If you are struggling to manage your dark side, then here’s how to get started. 

When your dark side takes control

When your dark side is in control, you don’t recognize yourself. The dark side of your psyche gives rise to thoughts and feelings that make you afraid yet tempted. It distorts your thoughts and emotions, yet it feels so right. And perhaps this is why we are even more scared of our dark side. So we suppress it and keep it hidden away from the world, even our loved ones. But we know deep within us, within its confines, our dark side grows silently, patiently looking for a way out. And when it does come out, all hell might break loose.

Up Next

7 Things To Consider When Making A Midlife Career Change

Things To Consider When Making A Midlife Career Change

Are you one of those who are wondering how to go about making a career change at 50? A midlife career change can be exciting but terrifying as well, so here are some of the things to consider as well as options you can consider.

Changing careers is always challenging. But sometimes, a change is all you need to find workplace happiness and a feeling of accomplishment. We see several people changing their careers in their 40s and 50s to find better work-life balance and more tremendous success. 

The first step in a midlife career change is accepting it is possible. An average person holds 12 jobs in their lifetime – and more often than not, if you look at their journey, you’ll see that the jobs they held towards the end of their career had nothing to do with the jobs they started with.

Up Next

How To Improve Your Relationship With Yourself

Improve Relationship With Yourself

Having a healthy relationship with yourself is extremely important when it comes to living a happy and content life. Let's find out what you can do to improve your relationship with yourself.

Key Points:

Many people would be glad to work on self-improvement but believe they don't have enough time for it.

A change in mindset can help them take advantage of the time they already spend transitioning between locations or tasks.

These transition times can be used to check in with themselves and gain a better understanding of how they're feeling.

The thought of adding or removing a habit fr

Up Next

Feeling Down? 5 Reasons Why You Feel Like Shit And What To Do About It

Feelings that make you feel like shit

Feeling down? Me too, buddy. The keyword here is ‘feeling’. Feelings are weird, if you ask me. Emotions make life complicated. It ruins relationships, families and even careers. It makes you feel like shit and like hitting your head against the wall. But that’s not completely true, is it? 

Not all emotions pull you down. After all, who would we be if we didn’t feel anything? Emotions make us who we are and it adds meaning to our lives. The secret lies in identifying which negative emotions make you feel like shit and knowing how to deal with them.

Dear negative feelings, thanks for making me feel like shit 

Yes, I know we should experience the whole spectrum of human emotions

Up Next

How to Tame and Silence Your Inner Critic: 5 Ways

Ways Tame And Silence Your Inner Critic

“Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take it’s place. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on instead of obsessing about it. Equally important, don’t allow anyone else to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings or to expect perfection from you.” ― Beverly Engel. This one quote perfectly shows why it's important to silence your inner critic.

Do you have a love/hate relationship with your inner monologue? You know, the voice that can motivate you to press on or stop you dead in your tracks and make you feel a few inches tall.

It is the same voice that attempts to protect you from shame, embarrassment, or making a mistake. If not tamed and regulated, this voice morphs into an intense critic, one that can sabotage and stagnate if it gains too much power.