I Hate My Parents: How To Cope When You Feel This Way

i hate my parents

Do you ever find yourself saying “I hate my mom,” or “I hate my dad” or worse even “I hate my parents”? Although it is normal to dislike our parents during our teen years, if you are struggling with having positive feelings towards your parents in your adulthood, then it’s time to talk about it.

We are all supposed to love and respect our parents. But that is only true for healthy and well-functioning families. For children like us who have been raised in toxic, dysfunctional families, hating our toxic parents comes naturally to us. But the important question we need to ask now is how to overcome this hatred and find forgiveness for our own inner peace.

I Hate My Mom 

I Hate My Parents: How To Cope When You Feel This Way
I Hate My Parents: How To Cope When You Feel This Way

I hate my mom. I truly do. And I get what you feel inside. It’s not hatred that you feel, rather it is the pain of not being good enough for her. For her love, admiration, affection and respect. You don’t really hate your mom, you just want her to love you as a mother should. Like you have read in stories, seen in movies or seen how your friends’ mothers treat them. You just want them to appreciate you rather than treat you like a mistake. You just want them to care about you and show you that they love you. Instead you hate her. But it’s not your fault. Studies show that the relationship quality between a mother and her infant can significantly affect the child’s mental and emotional health.

Related: The 10 Worst Types Of Moms: Moms That Suck

All you ever wanted was unconditional love, acceptance and support. Instead, what you got was abuse and neglect. The person who was supposed to build you up, broke your sense of self-esteem and self-worth. Not being loved by the one person who brought you into this world can change you… for the worse. I get it. But the sad truth is, not all women can become good mothers. I know it’s not the best or most diplomatic thing to say, but the truth is often harsh. 

And I Hate My Dad

I Hate My Parents: How To Cope When You Feel This Way
I Hate My Parents: How To Cope When You Feel This Way

And fathers! Oh man, fathers are a whole different deal altogether. He doesn’t understand you, constantly commands you and you feel trapped in an infinite loop of arguments and conflict. And these conflicts lead to the dissolution of the emotional connection you share with him. Hatred is a strong and complicated feeling that stems from a variety of reasons. But the most important reason we start hating our father is because of all the lack of support. Your father is supposed to keep you safe, guide you in the right direction and love you unconditionally. But when you realize that your dad is abusive and exploitative, you can’t help but hate him. Your hatred is born out of your disappointment and your need to be loved and valued. In fact, research shows that “Father absence” is related to “negative child and adolescent outcomes” leading to behavioral difficulties, early sexual activity, teenage pregnancy and life adversity.

It can be even more baffling and damaging when you see your dad or your mom behave normally and positively with others, or even with your siblings, but when it comes to you, their behavior might seem completely different, negative and toxic. But this has more to do with parenting styles and childhood attachment patterns your parents had than it has to do how they feel towards you.

Related: A Recent Study Reveals Fathers Have More Influence in A Daughter’s Life Than Mothers

Why Do I Hate My Parents?

The problem is we see our parents as superheroes or angels. People who cannot do any wrong. But we fail to realize that they are also human beings, people who are flawed and imperfect, just like you and me. People who have personality issues (read narcissist), mental health problems, issues with their own toxic parents, work stress and the daily challenges of life. Some parents may not be the most equipped to take the responsibility of a child. No. I am not defending what your parents did to you or saying that you shouldn’t say things like “I hate my mom,” or “I hate my dad.” All I am saying is to have some empathy and understand what they were going through too. 

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Theo Harrison

Hey there! I am just someone trying to find my way through life. I am a reader, writer, traveler, fighter, philosopher, artist and all around nice guy. I am outdoor person but heavily into technology, science, psychology, spiritualism, Buddhism, martial arts and horror films. I believe in positive action more than positive thinking.View Author posts